Are You Working To Live or Living To Work?
Simple ways to create a balance for your future
“No one on his deathbed ever said. I wish I had spent more time at the office.” -Paul Tsongas, Politician
A resident of mine reached out to me last week for guidance. I am a property manager/ consultant, not a therapist, but it comes with the territory. It does not matter to me if it is my job role; I am always eager to assist. But the truth be told, I make a better listener than a toastmaster. And so, I heard him out.
He was genuinely concerned that he was living to work rather than working to live. He expressed his thoughts of never having enough time for his family because he was often too busy earning a living to meet the expectations that others had set for him. In addition, he felt that they were always moving the status bar higher with each accomplishment.
“Gayle, I’m so lost and exhausted every day. I need a simple plan to get off of this proverbial hamster wheel. I want to genuinely live life not merely exist.” -Taylor Morgan-
As we stumble to finish out the year and charge into 2022, Is this your story as well?
I immediately reached into my portfolio and handed him a copy of the simple plan that I have used in the past. It is the same plan that many others have requested in my career and personal life.
I also suggested that he start listening to uplifting and motivational messages like Do Something With Your Life Other Than Earn a Living hosted by Jane Abbate or read inspirational articles by my Medium friend and leadership writer Bill Abbate.
Be true to yourself
So, you want to do something meaningful with your life but are unsure what exactly? Many people feel the same way, often left with many questions. What should I do? Should I quit my job and travel the world? Can I make money while doing what I love? And what happens if it doesn’t work out?
To lead an abundant and fulfilling life, you must first know what you want. That in itself is often a big enough task to decide. So here are some simple tips to help guide you in the right direction as you enter the new year.
Figuring out what you want
Perhaps you have a few ideas floating about but need to narrow down the options and make a decision. The task of conquering big choices such as a career change, leaving a defunct relationship, or starting over in any aspect can be daunting.
It’s never advisable to jump headfirst into a major life decision. However, weighing up the pros and cons of everything is a must. For true clarity, grab a piece of paper and draw up a list of 2 separate columns.
List all things you know you want in one column and the remaining column all the things you know you don’t. Sometimes it’s easier to start with what we don’t want. The things that bother us are usually the first to spring to mind.
Don’t want’s
The don’t want column could include the following categories: work, home, health, relationships, your appearance, and general living standards.
The list is unlimited — so go for it! There’s no wrong way of doing this. You can fluctuate between both lists as new things spring to mind. I suggest being as specific as possible; however, don’t worry if it’s general.
Do want’s
Go for as long as you want and add to both lists over the coming days. You can also write down the opposite of what you wrote for the other column in this column. Naturally, you will want the opposite of many of your current adverse circumstances, so go ahead and feel free to list them.
If you aim to live a satisfying overall life, then the good news is that this becomes exponentially more likely to materialize with active goal setting.
“Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” -Dolly Pardon-
Do you have what it takes?
After you figure out what you want, the next phase determines if you can make it happen. First, it is essential to be confident that you have what it takes and a plan to make it materialize.
Be purposeful. You can’t just expect to spring a new idea into existence and figure out a way to make it real later.
Figure out what you want and act on it
Don’t wait for the right time. The moment will never be perfect, and time has a habit of slipping by. Instead, learn to build momentum by taking action fast. Strike while the iron is hot and momentum intense.
Plan of attack
Once you figure out what might be possible, it’s time to think about what you will need. You’ll need a lot of things to make your new dreams a reality. Everyone has a vision inside them, but not everyone knows how to make it a reality.
Making it happen
Work out how to get to where you want to be. You already know many of the skills you need to be successful are things you don’t know how to do yet. Set aside some designated time to figure out what you want to learn and what type of learning curve you’re looking to achieve. Everything you need to know likely has a course built on it somewhere. We live in the internet age where there is little you can’t teach yourself or find an academic approach to study.
Questions for yourself
- Do you need to upskill/retrain in a new field?
- Is there a relevant course that you can take?
- Do you know anyone already in that field that can give you advice?
- How much time can you dedicate to learning and growing your new venture?
The importance of goals
A 1979 Harvard study revealed that only 3% of students surveyed had set written goals. 13% of those surveyed had goals in mind but had not written them down.
A follow-up ten years later revealed that those that had made clear, specific, and written goals were now earning ten times more than those who had not written any down.
The 13% who had goals but had not written them down earned twice as much as their non-goal-orientated former peers. The study demonstrates the importance of having specific, written goals and how the simple act of committing pen to paper can be life-altering.
“If you want to lead a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”-Albert Einstein-
Live by your values
You should be striving to be in harmony with your actual heart values. Chasing things such as money for the sake of it or superficial success is unlikely to create long-lasting fulfillment.
Live following your values and what you want to contribute to society. Figure out how you can contribute your little grain of sand to this world. Then, try to leave the place slightly better than you found it.
Permit yourself to live with passion and purpose, even if it means going against the grain. There are roadblocks to breaking out of society’s mold. However, to what extent are you willing to sacrifice your ambitions and dreams? Too many of us sabotage our hopes and dreams for fear of what others might say. Don’t be that person.
You should take 100% responsibility for your own life and happiness.
Only you can make yourself happy. You deserve a life that matters.
Bronnie Ware, a nurse, working in palliative care, documented the regrets of her dying patients. She found the most common source expressed by her patients were the regret they had for not living a life that represented who they were.
“When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This is what I heard from many of my patients.”- Bonnie Ware-
It’s not easy to go against the wishes or expectations of others in your life. Especially when those others are people dear to you, often it feels like you are letting them down or disappointing them somehow, even though you know you must follow your path. Change can be uncomfortable. You have to be open-minded to step into the unknown to change what you don’t like. Life is short — figure out a plan!
Seek support where needed
Often when we start on a new path, we focus solely on the tangible steps of goal realization. However, have you ever given credit to the importance of spiritual hygiene?
Creating time and space for self-reflection and spiritual growth is paramount to success. However, it can often sound somewhat esoteric to implement for those raised without this type of connection.
Often, simple things such as incorporating a short, guided visualization into your morning routine, daily prayer time or making a gratitude list can make a significant difference. Our world works in ways far beyond the average individual’s comprehension. You’d be surprised by how much difference these seemingly small acts can make to your life’s success.
The importance of meaningful and supportive relationships cannot be underestimated. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and want to see you succeed.
Sometimes, people around us believe in us more than ourselves. As a result, it can be hard to recognize our potential when venturing into unknown territory. Often it takes someone outside of ourselves to acknowledge our greatness long before we can confirm it in ourselves.
Small steps add up
The key to long-term success is to take small steps every day that will bring you closer to your goal. Sometimes getting started is the biggest hurdle. The initial step can be the hardest and the longest, but once you take it, the rest comes easier.
Set SMART goals that help you reach your goals:
(S) Specific. Create laser focus by being very specific about your goals. Effective planning is key to executing any task.
(M) Measurable. What markers will you use to measure progress? Ensure you have clear-cut ways to define where your perimeters.
(A) Attainable. Make sure your goal can be reasonably attained within an acceptable timeframe.
(R) Relevant. Your goals should align with your long-term values and objectives.
(T) Time-based. The end date must be established for task prioritization and motivation.
Find meaningful ways to relax — carve out time to spend with friends and family or children, read a book or take a DIY self-care class at the start of summer. Balance is key. All work and no play make for a dull life. Play lets the thinking brain switch off for a while and recharge, leaving your practical side to be refueled and come back with a vengeance later on.
Habits that move the needle
Build momentum by taking small steps. This step aims to create improvements in your habits and then implement them. For example, adding minor enhancements to your life is often the fastest, surest way to get stuff done.
“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”-Confucius-
Notice the habits that are working for you. Building great habits is critical. Observe what helps you succeed instead of just focusing on the bad stuff. Notice the ones hindering you, the ones that don’t seem to work. Then decide the most significant obstacles and work on those until they disappear.
No excuses. Celebrate your wins! Every time you have a victory, reward yourself with something. Maybe a special treat meal, some time to focus solely on yourself, or try a new activity. Think about improving yourself week by week. One step in the right direction is all it takes to make forward progress.
Seek, and you shall find
We have a choice, a life of passion, purpose, and contribution, or a life of monotony — that appears successful but filled with emptiness on the inside. By making small changes in our lives each day, we can shift our focus from what’s missing to what’s possible, from a perspective of lack and limitation to one of abundance and opportunity. The choice is yours!
Are you ready to embrace 2022 with a positive plan?
“In our perfect ways. In the ways we are beautiful. In the ways we are human. We are here. Happy New Year’s. Let’s make it ours.” -Beyonce-
