Summary

The article discusses the paradoxical phenomenon of "stresslaxing," where individuals feel increasingly anxious when attempting to relax, due to factors such as guilt, overstimulation, and societal pressure to be constantly productive.

Abstract

The concept of "stresslaxing" is explored, revealing that for some, relaxation can exacerbate fears and insecurities, leading to heightened anxiety. This counterintuitive reaction to relaxation is termed Relaxation Induced Anxiety. Common barriers to relaxation include the constant stress from various life aspects, guilt over taking time for oneself, and the modern expectation to always be productive. The article suggests that overstimulation and the pressure to maintain productivity can prevent individuals from fully engaging in and enjoying leisure activities. It emphasizes the importance of learning to relax without associated stress and offers practical advice for incorporating relaxation into daily routines, such as scheduling relaxation time, engaging in leisurely activities without work-related distractions, and gradually increasing the duration of relaxation activities.

Opinions

Relaxation can sometimes lead to increased anxiety for certain individuals, a condition known as Relaxation Induced Anxiety.
Guilt plays a significant role in preventing relaxation, as people often feel they should be completing tasks instead of taking time for themselves.
The societal expectation to be productive at all times, which may start in childhood, contributes to the difficulty in relaxing without feeling stressed or guilty.
The article posits that thoughts of guilt and productivity are transient and can be managed to reduce stress and improve relaxation.
Overstimulation from modern life and multitasking habits can make it challenging to focus on a single relaxing activity.
The author suggests that relaxation should be practiced and scheduled into the day, much like work commitments, to ensure it is prioritized.
Engaging in activities that are both relaxing and productive, such as listening to an audiobook while walking, can help alleviate feelings of guilt associated with relaxation.
The author advocates for a gradual approach to increasing relaxation time to help individuals become more comfortable with downtime and reduce the tendency to "stresslax."

Are You Relaxed, Stressed, or Stresslaxed?

When Relaxing Is a Problem

Are you stresslaxed?

is this something to do with stress and constipation, you might ask?

No. Although there could be a link between stress and constipation, I’m talking about a phenomenon that occurs when you take time to relax but, instead of relaxing, you feel more and more anxious. So rather than enjoying some downtime, your heart rate increases, your breathing becomes shallow and you get more tense than relaxed.

And trying to do the normal stress-busting techniques like meditation makes you feel more anxious than ever.

A paper in the December 2018 issue of the Journal of Affective Disorders found that, for some people, relaxation makes their fears and insecurities worse. When a sufferer sits quietly, their mind races and they get more and more agitated. This phenomenon is called Relaxation Induced Anxiety.

The more you try to relax, the more stressed you feel.

Why Can’t You Relax?

You might find it difficult to relax because you’re constantly bombarded with stress from every direction. Whether it is work, family, money or health concerns, there always seems to be something that you’re having anxious thoughts about and this keeps you from truly unwinding.

You might think you have so much to do that you feel guilty if you take time for yourself.

Guilt is a major player in stresslaxing. If you sit down to relax, you’re constantly thinking about the things that you should be doing instead of taking time for yourself.

It’s not that you don’t think that you deserve time out, just not yet. You want to just finish that piece of work, send that email, pay a bill, and on and on and if you’re just sitting down before all your tasks are completed, you feel guilty.

But what is guilt? It isn’t a thing. You can’t put guilt into a wheelbarrow and push it about. You can’t save some for another day.

Guilt is just another thought and thoughts are transient and will flow through you if you leave them alone. But most of us don’t. We have another and another thought about whatever it is that we’re feeling and create a robust neural pathway that we can tread again and again. You can’t predict what thought you’re going to have next but you can jump on that familiar pathway and be sure that you’ll create a steady stream of thought on the same subject.

But if you can’t relax because you feel guilty, what can you do about it?

What is it that you think you should be doing and ask yourself what will happen if you take a break? Notice when you feel guilty and remind yourself that a guilty thought is no more important than thought about going to the toilet. All thought is the same, it’s all made of energy and the hierarchy of importance is entirely made up by you.

Maybe You Can’t Relax Because You’re Overstimulated?

I think that stresslaxing might be the reason that I find it difficult to go to the cinema. Especially now that films are uber long. There is always someone rustling a crisp packet, and, yes, it is normally my partner, or I have to sit in my coat as cinemas are always too cold but I think the main reason is that I feel forced to stay in my chair, not moving, for a specified amount of time and concentrate on one thing.

I don’t seem able to lose myself in a film for that long and I find that I’m trying to sneak a look at the time so I can plot my escape.

When I’m at home, I’m often reading, scrolling through my phone or even writing whilst I watch tv. Rarely do I sit and just watch something unless it’s late in the evening and I’m shattered which isn’t the same as relaxing.

Do I find it difficult to relax because I’m overstimulated? Or because I feel guilty because I think I should be productive?

Probably both.

Feeling that You Have to be Productive

Stresslaxing is “being so stressed that relaxing makes you more stressed because you’re not working on what’s making you stressed,” Urban Dictionary explains.

Do you feel that you should be working or, if not working, then ‘doing’ at all times? This seems to be an increasingly common problem.

Maybe it starts at school? Children aren’t encouraged to gaze out of the window but must be productive at all times. They have pre-school clubs, lunchtime clubs, and after-school clubs and then have homework to do after dinner. And then they play video games to relax.

But it’s pointless to ask why you feel that you have to be productive or how you’ve tied up your identity to being a workaholic but to find ways to let go of having to ‘do’ all the time.

There’s a level of stress attached to being productive that you’ve got used to and has become so familiar that any time that you aren’t experiencing stress, you feel uncomfortable and anxious and so, innocently, you create stress when you’re attempting to relax.

But no one can sustain a high level of stress all the time without suffering physical symptoms so it is important to learn how to relax without stress.

How to Relax

Practice. Yes, relaxing should be natural but, if it isn’t, learn how to do it. Diarise time to relax so that it becomes part of the working day. Whether you work from home or in an office, make sure to leave your desk at lunchtime and don’t work as you eat lunch. As you eat your lunch, don’t look at emails or any work-related information. Use the time to call a friend or keep a physical book in your bag that you can read without screen time.

When you’re not working, if the idea of going for a walk or spending time in the kitchen makes you angsty, make the time relaxing and productive. Listen to an audiobook or podcast as you walk, listen, or watch tv as you cook. I love to watch detective series on my Ipad as I cook, this feels like ‘me’ time and, even though I’m producing, I’m relaxing.

Do not listen or watch anything related to work.

Spend five minutes each day sitting or lying down. If sitting still without anything to do ramps up your feelings of anxiety because you’re not doing anything productive, listen to something unrelated to work as an audio novel or podcast. Do this for a week.

Practice.

And then, the next week, add in another relaxing activity, like watching television or reading, for 15 to 30 minutes. This could be every day or every other day. The purpose isn’t to make you more anxious but to allow you to practice relaxing without stresslaxing.

And, then, instead of stresslaxing you can be busy chilling.