The Pursuit of Being Fully Alive
Are You “Quiet Quitting” or Just Being French?
What — exactly — do we mean by work-life balance?
The French aren’t quiet quitting. They never started! It’s counter-intuitive to the things they value most. Friends. Family. Conviviality. Food…. Time to enjoy the finer things of life — nearly all of which are experiential… not material.
My oldest daughter, Elise, started a new job a couple of weeks ago.
She’s been clawing her way up the ladder in the accounting world, at first working behind the scenes at various law firms, but now, at a full-fledged accounting firm while making her way through the various stages of the CPA exam.
Last week was a series of orientation events that involved a few free lunches — Ugh! There’s so such thing! — as well as an all-day lock-in with one of the senior partners from the firm who apparently has the reputation of being the designated charismatic, motivational speaker.
You know the guy: The flashy PowerPoint presentation with the quippy one-liners. The allegories are about the person who started at the bottom and ended up at the top. (Seems many of those stories were actually about him! Guffaw…) And a not-so-subtle attack on all those quiet quitters out there who are mucking up the workforce.
My daughter is remarkably pragmatic and clear-headed when it comes to this kind of stuff. (Traits clearly inherited from her mother.) To be frank, she found the entire presentation, all six hours’ worth, someplace between patronizing and a waste of time. Listening to a sixty-ish dude talk about how he found the secret to his success seemed irrelevant to her on so many levels, not the least of which is related to her own personal proclivity for a balanced quality of life.
As we were chatting, Elise went on to explain that the charismatic speaker dude was scarcely aware of what quiet quitting is all about, let alone that this phenomenon might show up in different flavors within different contexts.
She went on to elucidate…
“He was simply dismissing the 20/30-something workforce as people who are going to do as little as possible to meet the minimal requirements in the workplace, checking their convictions with their timecards at the door.”
She conceded that there are certainly plenty of people out there who do just that, but is that really something new? Haven’t there always been people who get things done, and loads of others who stand by and watch things get done?
She went on…
“But there are a lot of us out there who are thinking the American Dream is sort of a sham. Maybe even a lost cause. The planet is getting warmer and nobody cares. The government is a train-wreck and all people can do is bicker about it. And you can give your soul to corporate America, but the next morning you walk in and Elon Musk says — YOU’RE FIRED!”
So maybe there’s another flavor of quiet quitting that simply focuses on life balance. Taking time to pursue other interests and hobbies. Leaving space in your life for coffee with friends, or evenings musing about life around a three-hour meal.
“Maybe I shouldn’t be shamed for my desire to take time out of the craziness to read a book… on my own time!”
She’s not wrong.
And you know who else thinks she’s not wrong? THE FRENCH!
About ten years ago, I took a year-long sabbatical to move to France with the intent of starting a satellite extension of one of our university programs. Sounds like a dream, right? Under the Tuscan Sun, but a bit north and to the west?
It was a rough go. Language immersion courses. Navigating things like telephone and utility contracts when you don’t speak the language very well. And OH! I had to work with French people to convince them that the project I was bringing into their lovely community was going to be value-additive all the way around. Great for my students. Great for hotels and restaurants. Culminating in a series of concerts that would enrich the already vibrant cultural life.
In working through this project, I had the following conversation at least two-dozen times:
ME: “I would like to [Choose one: rent a space, procure equipment, hire some students, etc] for a symposium I’m looking to stage next summer. It’s going to be fantastic.”
FRENCH PERSON: “Oh-la-la!! (They really do say that.) That sounds magnificent. We are very much in need of programs like this and that’s kind of you to share your expertise.” They would continue on with superlatives and admiration for my entrepreneurial spirit.
ME: “C’est magnifique! So you will help me then?”
FRENCH PERSON: “No.”
ME: “Pardon? Comment? …. Er… Porquoi?”
FRENCH PERSON: “ No porquoi… just…. No. Bonne journée. (Have a nice day.)”
It took me a long time to figure out what was going on in those interactions. I’ve been planning projects like this since I was in college and it’s been rare that I haven’t been able to make something out of nothing with a little stamina and elbow grease.
That same script on this side of the Atlantic includes more responses like, “OK. I’ll meet you on Saturday morning to unlock the door” or “Let me give my friend at the conservatory a call. Pretty sure he has a space you can use.”
Those are words I rarely heard uttered by anyone in France. At least, certainly not on the initial cold call.
Funny thing is, we fell in love with France as a result of our summer vacations there. I’ve already written about how eating in a French restaurant changed our children’s lives forever. We also envied the French for their 4–6 weeks of vacation, and their general joie de vivre in the way they went on holiday.
None of those days were packed with activities like zip-lining in the morning and swimming with dolphins after lunch. Maybe yoga instead, or a father-son tennis match after nap time. Or simply time reading on the beach before showering for the three our dinner on the veranda.
Turns out that for the French, that’s not just a summer vacation thing. It’s a way of life thing! They’re adamant about preserving the 35-hour work week and they milk out every minute of those vacation leaves, along with every other holiday that comes along. Just try to find a local business open on Bastille Day or a restaurant open on Christmas. Or wander around Paris in August to see all the signs on the door that say, “See you next month!”
The French aren’t quiet quitting. They never started! It’s counter-intuitive to the things they value most. Friends. Family. Conviviality. Food…. Time to enjoy the finer things of life — nearly all of which are experiential, not material.
Are there successful French entrepreneurs?
Of course, there are.
Are there lackluster people in the American workforce who are sucking air out of the office?
Yep. That checks out, too.
But my daughter Elise was right on the money.
“Hey sixty-something dude with a six-digit salary living in a reality that has never existed for us and likely never will — please don’t try to explain my personal value system to me. I’m watching you and your friends, and when I catch you off stage, you don’t seem all that happy at the end of the day.”
Once again, she’s not wrong.
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