LOVE | RELATIONSHIPS

Are You Part Of The “Never Ever Mets” Culture?

You’ve never met IRL, but could this be love?

Gentle music plays through her headphones as Mari enters her backyard. She knows she has to say something and disconnect. After all, her parents wouldn’t understand... Yet, she lingers — smelling the flowers in the garden and soaking in the last moments with Sam.

Sometimes they talk on the way to work and coming back home. Some days they create the oddest of playlists and study together — in silence or in an odd symphony of songs and synchronised humming. Sometimes they discuss life and sometimes — they’re immersed in the Void. Other days they play video games or read together. Every other weekend they watch movies or anime. Sometimes they talk whilst walking — and share videos of beautiful buildings, mesmerising nature and an odd stranger passing by.

Mari lives in Italy, she’s working on her second year for a challenging Master’s degree in engineering. Sam is from California and he’s in the finance industry. What odds did they ever have to meet and spend time together? What were the odds they would become friends? And what were the chances they would like one another? How about love, what were their chances of starting a relationship?

As an introvert, I spend most of my time indoors. I enjoy reading and immersing myself in all sorts of stimulating activities. Usually, they don’t involve other people. I suppose, for individuals like me, it’s difficult to make friends. Either we get introduced, stumble upon someone at work or….well, get adopted by an extrovert. Truth be told, chances are that most introverts have friends online, not in real life. But what I didn’t realise was that many have relationships online too.

There’s a TV show — “The Never Ever Mets” which dives into virtual relationships. It follows seven couples who met online and have never seen each other in real life, yet are convinced: this is real love. I don’t watch TV, so don’t judge me if I’m late to jump onto this train. But it’s a train worth jumping onto!..

Isn’t it a novelty? Love — one of the biggest drivers and dreams of this world stepping into virtual reality. Abandoning the realms of everyday life and navigating ones and zeroes of digital worlds. It’s fascinating, I find it interesting and shocking at the same time.

I’ve known different types of people. Most of them are realistic and rather physical — those usually fall into the category of extroverts. These people show affection through touch and acts of service, they strengthen their bonds and express concern and support holding hands and hugging.

But there are other kinds of individuals — introverted. These people value emotional connection and want to have stimulating conversations and valuable intellectual exchanges. Their love language is spending time together and they form attachments towards people that are interesting and enjoyable to be with.

Two groups, two approaches. They can be friends or in a relationship with one another, but often they will not understand the extreme sides of each spectrum.

How can anyone fall in love with a person they’ve never met IRL? As an introvert, I think I can easily understand this. Love and connection are beyond physical boundaries, sociocultural norms, profession, age or geographical location. Sure, these help!.. But they’re not the main ingredients in the platter of Love.

I seem to understand these relationships more in comparison to some real-life ones. It feels that some people are scared to be alone, so they’re content with whatever is available. It’s good enough. They’re not abusive. They have a job. They like me. We’re good together. Is this what people perceive as a happy relationship?.. I think no relationship is better than any relationship. But life is a subjective experience, so I live my way, and others do what goes for them…

I think it’s interesting that we’re starting to talk more about virtual relationships. I don’t think it’s such a novelty the internet or TV make it out to be — it’s just something we never discussed much. Perhaps it wasn’t seen as acceptable — after all, society tends to be judgemental. Also, there’s the security and privacy issue. Can we really know who is on the other side of the DM?.. And can we truly trust another person online?..

I would like to believe the legal system is working to limit access to young and vulnerable people so that they wouldn’t suffer from the dangers of the internet. But every adult has a choice of their own and if yours is an online relationship, I salute you. It’s your choice and if it makes you happy, why not?

I believe it’s an interesting phenomenon — it makes a strong statement about our society. For one, we’re more diverse, open-minded and embracing multiculturalism. That’s great. But on the other hand, doesn’t it make you wonder how lonely we must be? If people end up in transatlantic relationships, doesn’t it mean we can’t connect with potential partners closer to us? Why so? Are we all so immersed in the virtual or do we simply reject the mundane and want a partner that can offer some thrill and new experiences, views of the world and…well, a promise of a different life?

There are many Sams and Maris in this world. I suppose the majority mingle with millennials and the generation after us. I doubt any of our older friends and acquaintances would consider a virtual relationship. Dating apps and websites — yes, why not?.. But not an actual relationship.

Will Mari and Sam ever meet? Will they ever hold hands and go to the cinema? Will they introduce each other to their families and friends? Will they ever get married, or have kids?..

Sam doesn’t know, he’s just working on his career and enjoys spending time with Mari. Mari is excited about her education and is supporting the family business — she hopes to take over from her dad. They don’t seem to worry about the future but enjoy precious moments together. Life is beautiful and they’re less than thirty years old, who knows what the future might hold. Or perhaps, they simply don’t want to know. Yet…

Have you ever been in a virtual relationship? Do you have virtual friends from other parts of the world? If so, what platforms do you use to keep in touch and how often do you talk? Do you feel them close to you or do these virtual friendships seem like an otome game you play when taking some steam off? I would appreciate your thoughts and experiences in the comments!..

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