Are You Less Than a Rock?
Metals and rocks become special when you think of them as such. What do you think of your own self?
It’s April 25, 2021. The Location is the Dobly Theater, Los Angeles. The marvel of the Oscars is unfolding. One after the other, brilliant celebrities are appearing on the stage and collecting their awards. Those who failed to secure the silhouette for their efforts are envious of those who did. And finally, the moment all were waiting for arrives. The best picture is about to be announced. Rita Moreno is on stage holding the golden envelope, reads the names of all the contenders. Following that, she takes a pause. A pause that encapsulates hope, yearning, anticipation, prayers and fear that was going through the hearts of the candidates. A pin-drop silence in the Dolby Theatre.
And following that nerve-shattering moment, she utters the conventional line ‘And the Oscar goes to’ and following another ever so slight pause, she declares the winner — Nomadland.
Applause erupts, entertainment journalists quickly start to capture the moment in their notebooks and cameras. Then there is that traditional set of emotional speeches from the makers of this year’s winners. The trophy will be placed on the mantel of the team Nomadland, and the others will envy it.
This is the same pattern that occurs every year.
But, why such razzmatazz around the trophy? What is so special about it? Does it have any intrinsic value? Does it even know that it exists? The answers to all questions except for the first one are nothing, no and no. As for the first question, the answer is because we have attached value to it. The operative word here is ‘we’.
And that is why I am bothering you!
The Oscar Silhouette is an inanimate object, yet it is one of the most sought-after trophies in the world. This is not the only such thing. Think of gold, diamonds, some expensive holiday destination or a piece of garment. None of these has value any more than what is given to them by people. Philosophically, what is the difference between a piece of steel and a piece of gold?
The same is true in the digital world. Facebook is a preferred choice in the world. It crushed the likes of Google Plus even though Google Plus was considered to be better. The reason for Facebook’s success, or Google Plus’ failure, lies in the value that people attached to one and not to the other.
How about the crypto world.
How is the value of Bitcoin determined? It surges in value by several thousand US Dollars in a day because one Elon Musk announces that his company will start to accept it as a payment for Tesla cars. And then it comes crashing down when they announce to stop accepting the same coin. That rise and fall didn’t happen because Elon Musk said something about the digital coin. It happened because people placed and then removed perceptional value from the coin.
It’s almost always we — the people — are behind making anything valuable.
There is a vast list of things one can think of in support of this point. That said, I hope the point is already made.
Now, that the realisation is there that you have such power that can make inanimate objects expensive and non-real entities even more expensive, why not use that power for something far more important — your own self!
After all, you are a living being with purpose and conscience.
As sad as it is, despite the fact that we do have this superpower of making unimportant things massively important, most of us neglect to use it for ourselves. This is to say that most of us experience low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem is a factor that prevents people from achieving self-actualisation. It is described as thinking less of yourself.
Let’s look at some sources of low self-esteem, the benefits of high self-esteem and, most importantly, how to achieve it.
Sources of low self-esteem
There is a large body of psychological studies on the sources of low self-esteem. It usually happens because of external influences or events. For example, it could result from limiting upbringing, suffering from abuse or repeated failures in life. The Health Education Research, a prolific journal, has identified several sources of low self-esteem in the paper’ Self-esteem in a broad-spectrum approach for mental health promotion. They include intra-individual and social factors, uncertain identity and disparity between the ideal and real self.
The paper has also identified the outcomes of low self-esteem. In their words:
Three clusters of outcomes can be differentiated. The first are mental disorders with internalising characteristics, such as depression, eating disorders and anxiety. The second are poor social outcomes with externalising characteristics including aggressive behavior, violence and educational exclusion. The third is risky health behavior such as drug abuse and [unsafe sexual practices]
Whatever the reason might be, it ought to be remembered that there is a difference between who you are and what you do or experience.
Benefits of high self-esteem:
The benefits of high self-esteem are well documented. They include having better mental health, more happiness, better problem-solving ability and self-respect. Two of the most important benefits are as follows:
- Better Relationships:
People with higher self-esteem also form better relations. This is a direct result of another significant benefit of higher self-esteem; self-assurance. Those who suffer from assurance deficit struggle with relationships. This is due to their insecure mind. The problem with insecure people is that they keep everyone else around them also insecure. However, people with high self-esteem don’t have such insecurities.
- Better Stress Mangement:
We are bound to have pains in our life. But, as a mindfulness presupposition goes, ‘pain is inevitable, suffering is optional!’ People with higher self-esteem are better equipped to deal with stress. A literature review on the connection between self-esteem and stress states:
Individuals with higher self-esteem are more satisfied with their lives, have fewer interpersonal problems, achieve at a higher and more consistent level, and are less susceptible to psychological problems (e.g., anxiety and depression) and physical illness than those with lower self-esteem. Also, self-esteem refers to the positive or negative way people feel about themselves as a whole, which is also often called global self-esteem or global self-worth.
Above all, the most significant benefit is a priceless sense of satisfaction!
How to achieve higher self-esteem:
The above is all well and good, but it’s meaningless if it can’t be translated into a practicable and actionable exercise. So, here are some of the easiest ways to develop high self-esteem.
- Stop With Comparisons:
An article from the Weber State University puts it beautifully:
‘Evaluate yourself independently. Don’t rely on the opinion of others or compete with others for your own self-worth.’
It’s YOUR self-worth. You alone rule this area of your life. There is no sense in drawing comparisons with the other external parties when your real competition is only with your yester-self.
- Refer To Your Achievements.
Achievements are a great source of high self-esteem. Remembering them periodically acts as fuel for future achievements. It is advisable to create a routine of reflecting on your past achievements for 10–15 minutes per day. Particularly, reflect on how you overcame challenges.
- Mindfulness:
Practise mindfulness daily. The meditations usually take from 5–15 minutes (although some can be longer). The idea is that our mind, in its default state, doesn’t focus on any single point. Due to this abstract state, all types of negative thoughts, wishful thoughts, comparisons and insecurities find their way in, causing us to feel negative. Renowned scholar, Matt Killingsworth of UC Berkley, shows in his research that our mind wanders for around 47% of the time and that it wanders to negative thoughts. This directly results in the formation of low self-esteem.
Mindfulness is a great tool as it keeps our mind focused, and in doing so, it declutters the junk that causes low self-esteem,
Conclusion:
There are three takeaways here.
- You have the power of making unreal and inanimate objects valuable. Use that power to attach value to your own self, for you are better than those objects.
- Self-esteem is essential for a happy and meaningful life.
- Self-esteem is acquired through conscience and mindful life.