Are You Hungry for Love?
It’s best not to fill the rumble in your soul with a substitute
In my early days as a counselor, one of my first clients had a myriad of problems rather than a single standout issue. Her difficulties were major. The one that held them all together though was a common complaint. She was constantly trying to fill a gap, an empty space where love ought to be.
This particular client squashed food into her belly to make up for lost love — but of course, it didn’t work.
Her eating disorder grew until she needed professional help and came to me.
I noted client after client had similar issues — not necessarily eating disorders, but they grieved the loss of something they didn’t have and instinctively knew they needed.
Love is a basic requirement, an innate need that drives everyone.
Whether you’re a business mogul or a monk, you know love is essential.
When the love you want isn’t forthcoming your whole being cries out for it and you do your best to find it.
If you’re a spiritual guru, you might feel connected to life and find love within as well as via interactions with people.
Most folks, however, try to satisfy the urge to love and be loved via behaviors, many of which are unhealthy.
Throughout my career, I saw many failed relationships, and so lack of satisfying love, led to attempts to fill love-gaps in the belly or heart, or you might say the soul.
As well as pushing down uncomfortable feelings with food and striving to subdue rumbles from the psyche, people often self-medicate as a way of filling the proverbial hole.
Sometimes, excess alcohol consumption looks like an attempt to ease anxiety, but trace the anxiety back to the cause and you’ll find the need for love.
A spiral of addiction transpires, naturally, because the brain and body get used to substances and crave more, but the real need beneath it all often isn’t addressed.
You need not be addicted to anything recognized as dangerous, nonetheless, to suffer from an urge to plumb the gap where love should live.
Some people overwork, scrub the house, surf the Internet, or carry out other behaviors to distract them from the gnawing need for comfort and compassion.
The only real way to satisfy the hunger for love is to connect with plenty of people, and not rely on only one or two relationships to meet your need — if they fail, you are lost.
At the same time, you can connect with nature and find meaning in spiritual growth.
Love stems from giving too, so when you offer someone else compassion, you benefit from the love you give.
It’s smart to recognize ways you try to fill love-gaps and recognize when the urge to do so calls you. Then, you can reach out to others rather than reaching for the same old unhealthy behavior that only plasters over the cavity momentarily.
Copyright © 2019 Bridget Webber. All rights reserved