When We Tell the Truth About Ourselves in Our Dating Profiles

Potential partners need to know who you are and what you want

Are you being authentic in your relationships?

Do you tell a potential love interest your true needs and desires? If so, you will attract your ideal partner. If not, you’ll need to get honest or you’ll do yourself a disservice. Are you willing to say what most people avoid because they’re embarrassed or afraid of judgement? Or do you leave out some things you’d rather not reveal?

I think about all the times I didn’t reveal my true beliefs. I didn’t want to face the possibility that you might not like me if I did. I was afraid of being alone and unhappy without a significant other. I felt incomplete.

Well, I’m over that now. I know I’m a whole person without a partner. I no longer feel the need to take out a part of my story or who I am. What you see is what you get.

My transparency allows me to stand boldly in my truth and attract someone who gets me and wants to stay around. Not only is it empowering for me, it’s refreshing for others.

An old friend and former flame told me once that he tried a dating app, which seemed completely out of character. It wasn’t long until someone of interest tried to make a connection and totally misunderstood his intent and the core values behind what he said. Needless to say, he no longer felt compelled to swipe right.

He’s always been a “think outside of the box” kind of person, not believing the lies people tell each other and themselves, challenging people to think of alternative ways of viewing the world. His unwillingness to conform to anyone else’s standard of what’s “right” is admirable.

We had a time when we’d call each other regularly. I resonated with almost everything he shared back then. We used to be full time friends and part time lovers who generated very little drama, amidst the haze of pot smoke and teen rebellion. Then we became responsible adults who live thousands of miles apart and lived different lives.

Before we met up briefly in April 2020, we hadn’t seen each other for 30 years. At the time, I felt like we had a few more chapters left. Sadly, I was wrong. He seems to have some demons he couldn’t relay on the phone. But that’s ok. I learned a lot from him. He showed me with clarity what I want in a partner and a friend.

So many people hide behind the screen, failing to reveal their true nature. That’s not my scene. I need transparency, even in a text.

The complexities of human nature are too vast for a dating website.

Actual live meetings surpass the cyber world. Body language, intuitive read, tone of voice, and vibes can do more than enough to inform you of chemistry and compatibility.

That’s when I hear that voice in my head.

You don’t need a dating app. Your intuition will show you everything when you’re paying attention.

Still, I got to thinking of what I’d say if I did create a dating profile. How would I convey my authentic self? If I had space to include such a comprehensive list in a bio on a dating site, here’s how I’d describe myself and my ideal partner:

I’m a cisgender pansexual woman. My preferred pronouns are she/her/hers. Being pansexual means I’m attracted to people regardless of gender. My ideal partner will respect gender diversity, and ask others what pronouns they prefer.

I support racial and gender equality, LGBTIQ rights, reproductive rights, and bodily autonomy. My ideal partner is open-minded and progressive.

I’m poly-curious, and interested in exploring a polyamorous relationship. I’m open to having more than one partner if that is in the natural course of things. I don’t want to orchestrate meet-ups to find our bonus lover. I want to trust where our feelings lead us. I admit that I don’t know what that looks like yet. I probably will end up attached to only one person because I notice my monogamous leanings. I do believe we all have more than one soul mate while we’re here. We make unique, intimate connections with people in different ways. There’s more than enough love to go around.

I’m clean and sober and have been in recovery for many years. No, that doesn’t mean I can have an occasional glass of wine. Yes, you can feel free to drink around me, unless you get drunk all the time and have questioned your consumption. Then let’s talk — there is a solution. But I’m not willing to date you until you’ve asked for help and been in the recovery process for a while. Boundaries are important, and so is my serenity. If you think you might have a problem with drugs or alcohol, come back when you’re sober. Trust me, I know from experience that it’s for the best.

I participate in ninja self-care. I fill my cup so I can give to others. I’m looking for the same in a partner. Work on healing your past wounds. Be of service in your community and beyond. Pay attention to what you’re being called to do. Be willing to explore your life’s purpose. I’m doing that and want to share the journey.

I’m a single stay-at-home parent of two tiny humans. They’re not going anywhere. Be willing to eventually step into the role of gentle step parent. I’m looking for a long-term commitment. That extends to my children for a few years.

I’m trying to be a gentle, honest parent. I listen and respect my children and their needs. I treat them as I would like to be treated. I allow more than I restrict. My boundaries are clear and reasonable. My love for them is boundless. My best match will understand and support that.

I’m healing from past trauma. I will talk about it openly. That doesn’t mean I’m over it. I need you to be patient and gentle with me.

Passion is a prerequisite. Be passionate about your life. Be willing to take action to bring about change in the world. Be passionate about us, emotionally and sexually. Speak of what really matters to you. If you’re a match, you’ll already know what I mean.

Mid-life changes rock my world. I’m in the throes of perimenopause, which means I’m on the road to menopause and will soon become a magnificent crone. This life change is huge, even when no one can see from the outside. I can be moody and unpredictable. I can be unreasonable. I smell things that no one else can. I get warm when everyone else isn’t. I feel a lot of feelings “in stereo.” Some are lovely, some are not. Despite the weird hormonal roller coaster, my libido is working fine.

I’m extra sensitive. Please be mindful of what energy you bring to our space, and take care of yourself. I rarely go to crowded events. I will make some exceptions (like concerts, because I love music), if I feel safe and protected. Some days I won’t and need to stay in a calm, quiet environment.

I’m also sensitive to artificial fragrances of any kind. Please respect that by not using any around me. It’s a health issue for me, and non-negotiable.

I cultivate patience, honesty, and compassion in all of my relationships. I want someone who does the same. I want to hold space and be held. I want to listen and be heard. I want to break through barriers and recognize our interconnectedness.

LOVE is the answer. LOVE is all we need. If you are my ideal partner, you’ll feel that with all of your being.

I have clarity around what I expect from myself and others. I know who I am and what I want.

If you don’t tell someone what you want, there’s a strong chance you’ll never get it.

I’m grateful to be clear about that. I used to be afraid of communicating my needs and desires. I got what I asked for, which wasn’t much. I know I’m worth more than that. So I learned how to ask for what I want. I learned how to set boundaries. I learned how to love myself.

I’ve been single for most of my time as a parent, almost 11 years off and on, (as of this edited writing). I have a history of unrequited love, dysfunctional relationships, and short-term affairs. Perhaps I needed the break. But I’ve grown and I’m ready to step back into something awesome with another amazing human.

I used to think my old high school friend was the ideal partner. But he drifted off, ghosted me, and showed me he was reflecting an old, familiar pattern. He lives far away and never expressed an explicit desire to rekindle the fire we started. The less I pursue the impossible, the better.

After I first wrote this, another long time friend and I discovered a mutual passion that we were thinking of setting ablaze. More was revealed in time, and that potential lover is no more. For now, I’m busy being the best me I can be.

Ask yourself,

What do I really want?

Express your true desires, maybe even on a public dating profile. Then see what comes. I think you’ll be delighted by what you find.

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