Are You Forgetting To Flirt With Your Partner?

Consider this your reminder to flirt to keep your relationship healthy.

Imagine this: It’s the early days of your budding relationship. When your eye catches a glimpse of that special someone who makes your heart skip a beat, magical things happen. You’re filled with a swirl of emotions and endless energy that feels like it’ll go on forever. Butterflies dance in your belly. You’re consumed by an undeniable attraction for your new partner.

You’re drawn to your special person like magnetism.

I love that feeling of new relationship energy. Wait, we all love that feeling of new relationship energy. It’s intoxicating.

But as time goes on, things begin to settle down. You no longer feel that same rush whenever you’re around them. Security replaces the exotic feelings you used to feel. You feel comfort instead of heightened arousal whenever they’re in your presence.

It happens to a lot of us. Even the most fiery passions can cool off like yesterday’s coffee.

It’s part of life.

I’ve found it’s best to think of this transformation throughout your relationship as a process. It happens for several reasons:

• The curse of comfort—you start to get comfortable around your partner, and the next thing you know, you’re not filled with the strange ecstasy of nervous tension when you’re around them.
• The invasion of the mundane. You once went on exciting dates and filled your lives with thrilling surprises that now have taken a back seat to the mundane realities of everyday life. You don’t see that person as totally independent anymore but as someone you share the boring parts of your life with, not the most exciting parts.
• Routine. Routine is one of the silent assassins that kill the excitement of NRE, new relationship energy. When every day is the same, spontaneity and surprise become as rare as a unicorn sighting. Far from surprised that you can finish each other’s sentences, you’re a little annoyed after it happens for the 518th time this year.

But there are things you can do to fight back against this unusual curse of nature. It doesn’t have to be this way.

Sending your partner nudes, setting aside time for special “date” nights, and doing thoughtful things all help keep the spark alive. One thing we seldom talk about is flirting.

Yes, dear readers, flirting is not just for singletons prowling the dating scene. It’s an art form that deserves its place in committed relationships.

In long-term relationships and marriages, flirting helps keep your intimacy strong. Research shows that it can reduce tension and fighting, Sarah Hunter Murray, Ph.D., writes for Psychology Today.

She mentions a study that explored how couples flirt in relationships:

Participants in this study also described how being on the receiving end of their partner’s flirting could result in higher self-esteem and a boost in self-confidence in their relationship.

Flirting has helped me keep the relationship flames alive in the past. When you flirt with your partner, you do so many things that will help you hold off the slow erosion of time and entropy.

You’ll help both partners feel better about themselves, and you’ll help kindle that old feeling of attraction. When we start dating, we focus on sexual energy a lot more than when we settle down. Flirting can help you remind yourself of the sexual feelings you were immersed in when you first fell for your partner.

But if you’re aim is to keep the flame alive, not just any flirting will do. A study on flirtation tactics found that hugs and cheek kisses weren’t viewed as effective flirtation styles, even in a dating setting and not a long-term relationship.

The study says that for men in long-term relationships, flirting in ways that send out cues to your generosity and commitment to your partner is supposed to be effective—the same with being funny. Women can’t resist a funny man, even when they’re in long-term relationships with them.

Flirting helps you tune into the nostalgia of new relationship energy. When you behave like you used to when you were first getting together, you put yourself into your old shoes and adopt that perspective.

By engaging in playful banter, sly glances, and teasing, you reignite the spark that brought you together in the first place. Flirting keeps the excitement alive, reminding both partners of the irresistible allure they possess.

It also shifts you away from purely verbal communication and forces you to harness non-verbal communication for your benefit. They say actions speak louder than words, and nothing could be truer regarding flirting. It’s a language of its own, where winks, eyebrow raises, and subtle touches convey more than words ever could.

Flirting allows you to communicate your desires, intentions, and admiration in a fun, light-hearted way that’s filled with anticipation. It’s a silent dialogue that enables you to connect deeper without uttering a single word.

It also helps you boost confidence.

Flirting isn’t just about making your partner feel special; it also does wonders for your self-esteem. When you playfully flirt with your significant other, you both bask in the glow of mutual admiration and appreciation.

It’s a powerful reminder of your desirability and charm. Flirting in a relationship gives you the confidence to embrace your sensuality and maintain a positive self-image, enhancing your overall happiness and satisfaction.

Plus, it’s a constant reminder of desire. When relationships endure, desire naturally wanes, and sometimes you must intentionally manifest desire in your interactions.

Amidst the daily grind, it’s easy to get caught up in responsibilities and forget the primal attraction that initially brought you two together. Flirting is a delightful reminder of the desire that simmers beneath the surface.

It’s a subtle way of saying, “Hey, I’m still wildly attracted to you!” Flirting reignites the passion and reinforces the emotional connection between partners, creating a solid foundation for a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Flirting isn’t just a frivolous pastime reserved for the early stages of a romance; it’s an essential ingredient in maintaining a thriving relationship.

By embracing the art of flirting, you keep the flame of love burning bright, inject excitement into your routine, and keep communication alive. So, dear readers, let us remember to wield the power of flirtation and add that extra sizzle to our love stories.

As Oscar Wilde once said, “I can resist anything except temptation” — and in this case, the temptation to flirt with your beloved is a delightful indulgence.

If you love stories like this, subscribe to my Medium email list.

And follow my Substack, where you’ll find a ton of free sex tips. Paid subscribers get access to My Sex Diary, where I talk about my personal life in juicy, intimate detail.