Are you difficult to help?

Summary

The article discusses the importance of learning to ask for and accept help, emphasizing that it is a skill that requires practice and understanding.

Abstract

In the wake of the Covid19 pandemic, the need for mutual help has become more evident, revealing the societal and individual cracks that necessitate support. The author reflects on their personal struggle with accepting help, having prided themselves on independence in their twenties, but recognizing in their thirties that this attitude was counterproductive. They share insights on the art of asking for help effectively, including understanding how to ask, not expecting rewards for self-sufficiency, being clear and concise in requests, setting up follow-ups, and maintaining grace regardless of the response. The article suggests that these basic etiquettes of taking help, which may seem old-fashioned, are crucial in navigating the current challenges where everyone is dealing with varying degrees of struggle.

Opinions

The author acknowledges their past pride in self-reliance but admits it led to a sense of victimhood when help wasn't automatically offered.
There is an underlying belief that taking help is a skill that can be developed, much like any other skill.
The article implies that the inability to ask for help can make one a less effective giver and can lead to anger and frustration.
The pandemic has laid bare the need for help at all levels of society, highlighting the extremes of human behavior from malevolence to goodness.
The author suggests that there is no recognition for never asking for help and that this mindset should be abandoned.
Persistence in asking for help should be balanced; asking more than thrice is not advisable.
Clarity in what one is asking for is crucial when seeking assistance.
Establishing a follow-up mechanism from the outset is presented as a best practice in the process of seeking help.
The author emphasizes the importance of maintaining dignity and elegance, even when faced with rejection or no response to a request for help.

I sucked at it, but that needed to change.

Helping and being helped has never been more relevant than it is now. The swiftness with which the world order collapsed due to Covid19 has thrown open gaping fissures, which has penetrated the society at all realms, down to each individual.

The virus has accentuated the truth beneath the surface: social order, relationships, the financial health of the company, core nature of each human being. We have seen the extremes of both pure evilness, and humanly goodness. All emotions lay bare, no more pretence. Everyone is struggling, that’s the truth, only the magnitude differs.

In all this chaos, people are reaching out to help howsoever, and in whatever way they can. But with all the help available, only to be asked, are those in need of it able to take it?

I have, and still, find it hard to take help. But I have always been a giver. It had been a matter of pride for me in my 20s that I survived professionally and personally without ever asking for help. No professional referrals. Not even a small sum borrowed. But as I stepped into my 30s, I realized that not taking help not only made me a lousy giver but angry too. I developed a victim mindset when I didn’t magically get help when I wanted. Without asking.

Taking help is an art, like any other skill. Unfortunately, there isn’t much self-help on taking help! When I realized I needed to change, I followed this:

· How did people ask for help which made me help them?

· No award for ‘never taken a help’, get off the high horse

· Don’t ask thrice

· Know the ask

· Set the follow-up mechanism in the first call

· Be elegant even if you get a no. Or no response.

These are just basic etiquettes if you observe. But little old goodness had never been so out of fashion!

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Are You Difficult To Help?

I sucked at it, but that needed to change.

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