Are You Dating Someone Who’s Emotionally Unstable?
The early signs of emotional instability in a person
Before inviting someone into your life as a friend or a romantic partner, it is advisable to assess their personality. Such intimate relationships cast a substantial impact on your mental health. So, it’s imperative to explore if the person is emotionally stable.
More often than not, there’s a lot of drama attributed to people with emotional instability. Inviting that drama into your life can drain your energy and frustrate you out of your mind.
The good news is that you don’t have to be a psychologist to assess the emotional strength of your potential partner. All you have to do is be on the look out for a few signs that quite definitively hint at seeds of emotional instability in a person.
The next time you are willing to engage with someone romantically, you can evaluate the person against the following signs to make sure that you won’t end up wasting your time on a futile relationship.
1. Anger Is Their Standard Response
Is it normal for a person to get angry at times? Yes, it is.
But “at times” is the keyword here. If your potential partner feels like at the verge of losing their shit at pretty much all the time, it is a clear hint that you are dealing with someone that struggles with emotional stability.
Such people find it appropriate to respond with anger whenever something goes against their will. Simply put, a tiny inconvenience and a gigantic response — if these appear in combination, your partner is most likely emotionally unstable.
2. They Won’t Show Compassion
If you told me you had a great day at work in that you covered more than you had thought, my innate response would at least be a “well done”. But the same can’t be said about someone who’s emotionally unstable.
To whatever anecdotes you share, instead of responding emotionally to them, such people steer off-topic and start a story of their own — which may or may NOT be relevant to yours. In other words, it’ll be challenging for them to express emotions like compassion, love, support, empathy. But not anger, of course.
Or perhaps, it’s that their anger eats up so much of their emotional spectrum that there’s hardly room for anything else.
3. They Can’t Stand a Joke
Haven’t you had an experience with someone who loves to make jokes on you?
But the moment you reciprocate the same, the backlash makes you wonder if it’s just about the joke or is there something more that’s fueling the aggression? That “something more” might just be emotional instability.
Another way of seeing it, is someone who’s too engaged in the entitlement culture.
It’s a mode of entertainment for them to get on your nerves with no regard to how it makes you feel. Because they think it’s their right to demand that you understand their jokes. But the same doesn’t hold true when they have to be the one to offer understanding.
4. They’re Scared of Rejection
This one automatically make sense since we’ve already established that emotional instability makes it harder for a person to stand a joke. If they can’t even take a joke, why would you expect them to remain composed on rejection?
And we’re not just talking about rejecting their proposal in a strictly relationship-y way. It’s the same for them even if you’re only rejecting their idea. The moment you actively start to criticize their perspective, you’ll find a spot on their “LIST”.
The more you criticize them, the less are they going to like you. Because newsflash, they don’t want to accept that they’re wrong.
5. They’ll Avoid Responsibilities
If you find a consistent pattern of avoiding responsibility in your partner, I have some bad news for you.
An emotionally unstable person usually lacks the self-confidence to take on responsibility. They’re too consumed by the horror of “what if I fail to handle it?”
They know that there’s a fair chance that it will lead to criticism. And what did we just fin out about their thoughts on criticism?
This can also manifest in the form of running away from problems and not facing them head-on to find a solution. For example, instead of working with their lenders when they are behind on debt repayments, they’d change their contact number to avoid the issue for as long as they can.
6. They’ll Run Away From Commitment
It is never too soon to talk about commitment in a relationship. There, I’ve said it.
Not to say that it’s a good idea to commit to someone after one date. But an emotionally stable partner will never shut the door on you if you want to have a conversation on commitment.
They’d be calm and composed in explaining why they feel it wasn’t the right time to take the next step. And most importantly, they’d be open to your perspective as well.
But if you’re with someone who’s emotionally unstable, the word “commitment” will make them freak out. Instead of holding an adult discussion and offering their point of view, they would avoid the conversation at all and force the decision on you that it wasn’t the right time.
7. They Won’t Step Out of Their Comfort Zone
Emotionally unstable people usually find it hard to step out of their comfort zone. Because they are always trying to one-up you. But out of their comfort zone, they’ll have to rely on your help and guidance — that’s an instant turn off for them.
It’s not that they’re not adventurous. But their definition of adventure is confined to activities where they can practice home ground advantage. They’d want to take you ice skating because they’re better at it than you.
But try getting them enrolled for your dance class and all of a sudden, the timing doesn’t match their work schedule. Even if they agree to it, it’ll be hard for them to deliver on their promise.
8. They’ll Be Passive Aggressive
I’m not big on making absolute statements, but in 27 years of my life, I have never found someone who’s perfect. At the end of the day, we’re all just people. And we’re entitled to making mistakes.
If someone did you wrong, or hurt you in any way, but realized in time and extended a genuine apology, wouldn’t you say the right thing to do is to accept their apology and let bygones be bygones?
If you were emotionally unstable, your answer to my question would be a big fat NO. An emotionally unstable partner will apparently forgive you for your mistakes, but you’ll continue to face their passive aggression for weeks to come.
A snide remark or a sarcastic comment will take you on a guilt trip every now and then.
Don’t Jump to the Conclusion
As always, I’d recommend collecting sufficient data before you jump to the conclusion. Because there’s a difference between a momentary lapse and a behavioral pattern.
At times, any of us can lash out on a tiniest inconvenience. Even you can find it hard to step out of your comfort zone sometimes. So, give your partner some room to breathe.
Secondly, I’m, by no means, recommending breaking up with people if they are emotionally unstable. It’s just that navigating through a relationship will be that much harder for you if your partner struggles with emotional stability.
Is it incurable? No. With proper support and effort, things can change. But it’s a question of whether you’re willing to invest your time and energy into it.
If you do, the right way to go about it is with communication. Because your support won’t matter much unless your partner acknowledges that he has a problem and commits to working with you for a solution.
In any case, brace yourself. Because it’s going to be a tough job.