Are you bringing out Main Character Syndrome (MCS) in your child?

Summary

The article discusses the concept of Main Character Syndrome (MCS) in children, where they believe they are the most important person in every situation, and how parental behavior can contribute to or mitigate this mindset.

Abstract

Main Character Syndrome (MCS) is a term used to describe individuals who consider themselves the center of attention in any situation. The article explains that while it's normal for young children to be the focus of their family, as they grow, it's important for parents to help them understand that they are not always the main character. The author, a psychologist, suggests that MCS can lead to self-centered behavior, such as dominating conversations and expecting preferential treatment, which can result in social anxiety and a lack of empathy. The article advises parents to encourage their children to think of others, engage in family activities that don't always revolve around the child, and ensure that praise and attention are balanced among family members. By doing so, parents can help their children develop healthier social behaviors and a more realistic understanding of their place in the world.

Opinions

The author believes that the term Main Character Syndrome is a useful and relatable concept for describing self-centered behavior in children.
Parents who overly focus on their child's needs and preferences may inadvertently reinforce MCS behaviors.
Allowing a child to consistently dominate conversations or receive all the praise can lead to increased self-consciousness and anxiety about social performance.
The author suggests that children with MCS might become less engaging to others, as they may come across as boring or self-absorbed.
The article emphasizes the importance of teaching children to consider others' perspectives and to not always expect the spotlight.
The psychologist recommends practical strategies for parents to help their child balance self-focus with an awareness of others, such as involving them in discussions about others and occasionally prioritizing other family members' choices.

Your child is important, but not the most important person in every room

Main Character Syndrome (MCS) is a fantastic term which has recently entered the lexicon. It describes a person who thinks they are the protagonist of any situation they are in. People who have this might think that they’re always the most important person in the space. They might be very self-centred, and mainly think about their own needs when talking to others.

So, for example, two friends, Sam and Jo might be talking. Sam recounts that she has just had her house broken into and jewellery stolen. Jo’s reply, “But you live near me!” suggests that Jo is only thinking of herself. She is not thinking about the terrible thing that has happened to her friend or offering support as her first impulse. That would be classic MCS behaviour.

Now of course, ideas like Main Character Syndrome are pop-psychology terms and just used in popular culture. A mental health professional might describe the trait more in terms of narcissism or entitlement characteristics.

But as a psychologist, I like the MCS term, because it describes traits most people can pick quite easily. In recent parenting talks, I have noticed it cuts through with audiences because, while they might be hesitant to describe their child as narcissistic, they can easily identify when their child is starting to be a little main character’y.

There are many things that parents might do to encourage their child to think that they are the most important person in the household. While a newborn might need to completely be at the centre of the family, as children become older, they need to start fitting in with others more.

But some families continue to make their child’s needs trump everyone else’s. They might consult the child on what they want for dinner, or offer the last piece of pizza or cake to the child each time. The family might centre weekend activity around the child’s preferences or interests, with no downtime for the parents to relax.

Other ways families might inadvertently make a child think in a main character way is by allowing them to dominate most conversations. For example, the chat at the dinner table might just be about the child and their day. The whole family might allow the child to continually turn each conversation back to be centring on themselves.

Parents might completely focus attention on their child’s performance on the field or on the stage rather than seeing others. Their praise at sporting matches might only be about their child, and they may not even comment on the goals scored or performances delivered by other team members.

MCS is not just an annoying trait. If a child genuinely thinks they are the main character in every situation, then they might be much more concerned about how they are perceived by others. That will be intensified if they think they always stand out and that everyone is looking at them. It is likely to bring on much more anxiety about their performance or any social situation.

Worse still, if they are only focusing on themselves, then they are not likely to be going along with the conversational flow. They are more likely to be a little boring to talk to, and ‘full of themselves’. They might stand out, but for the wrong reasons.

Children become more self-focussed at certain developmental stages (hello teen years!) but be careful to not make what should be a momentary trait go on longer than it should. I include some ideas to gently encourage your child back into the land of ‘Everyone Matters’.

Takeaway for parents.

Try to encourage them to think of others.

· Gently tell them when they’re being a little self-focussed, later, when alone with them. Make sure they stick to conversational themes and not just talk about themselves.

· Encourage your child from an early age to ask about others, in questions such as “How are you?” and a follow up question.

· Put all phones away so they truly focus on the conversation and not come in and out according to whether it is focussed on them or not.

· Deliberately make other people occasional priorities, such as Dad choosing the takeaway.

· Roll some dice to see who decides a family activity or gets the last piece.