Are You Black-Friendly?

You are? Then put it in your Craiglist housing ads, and on your shop windows while you’re at it. Just don’t be a poser.

Heat, internet, water included. We are queer-friendly. This is what I read as I scoured the Craigslist housing section. I’ve seen this declaration many times, and I like it, even though it gives me some questions about other things, like race, for example.

My mind began to wander, and I started to think, “Have I ever seen a sign or an ad on Craigslist that ended with, ‘We are black-friendly’ or ‘We are POC-friendly?’” Not surprisingly, I have not.

I like that people feel they can declare their queer friendliness. Sometimes I read it as the person who posted the ad is queer, and sometimes that they are not queer, but are allies. I remember thinking, what would happen if I did see an ad that said, “black-friendly” or “POC-friendly?” Would I be suspicious, or would it fill me with ease? Digging slightly below the surface, my foot lands in the knowledge that most people simply aren’t’ POC or black-friendly, so clearly they won’t declare it to be true.

If you put black or POC-friendly in your tagline, that would mean you want black or POC in your home or your establishment. Like, you enjoy and invite having black or POC people around you. Most folks run in the opposite direction when given the chance to be black-friendly. They rush to create copycat insults like All Lives Matter, trying not to be “unfair” to everyone else.

So then, I ran to Google. I wanted to see whether people have started using the phrase “black-friendly” to mean that someone would be welcoming to POC in one’s home. I saw many interesting articles about “black-friendly cities” and “the friendliest cities for black people.” That’s a start. But it’s not exactly the same as someone opening their home to strangers and declaring, “I want black or POC in my house.”

I think I have met some people who are black and POC-friendly. Would they put that tagline at the bottom of a housemate search? Maybe I should ask one of them.

I wonder if my college politics professor would have put that on his housemate ad. Psych. Of course he wouldn’t. But he might believe he is black-friendly. A liberal man with bushy eyebrows, and an eye-piercing comb-over, he leaned his brown, elbow-patched arms on the wooden table in my 8:50 am class. “Why did they say it, ‘we shall overcome?’ I mean, shall is so passive. It really should be ‘We will overcome.’ One’s will should actively push for change.“ Then he went into a tirade about how affirmative action makes POC feel bad because people will assume their acceptance into prestigious institutions was based on their race. A girl with spiky blond hair piped up, “It could have the opposite effect, and make things worse for them.”

I stayed silent in that conversation. He seemed to give a pitying yet generous view of himself as being concerned about the mental wellbeing of POC even while he supported educational segregation. I’m sorry to say, he probably would have considered himself black-friendly. But I’m sure he would never put that tagline on any advertisement.

I thought one of my closest friends in high school was black-friendly, but then I realized she didn’t really give a hoot about black people. She was white, with long chestnut brown hair. We loved to lie on our backs upside down and pretend our chins were noses and laugh for hours. One day we were talking about where we’d apply for college, and I explained to her it was important that the institution be racially diverse. She said, “Oh, that doesn’t matter to me.” I was shocked. Here was one of my closest friends admitting that racial diversity had no bearing on her social or academic experience. She didn’t care at all. That one of her best friends was black made no impression on her decisions.

Slowly, I began distancing from her, and by the time senior year came around, I spied her making out with one of our classmates who swore he would be dead by age 29. I had to find out by accident at prom that they were making out since we weren’t talking much anymore. I’m sure she wouldn’t put black-friendly or POC-friendly on her Craigslist ad.

I had to un-friend her on Facebook when, during the midst of all racial injustice rocking the country, she surrounded herself with peonies, lots of white folks, artistic self-portraits that looked like they came straight out of Camelot, and hand-painted hipster art that preached, “The best thing you can do for the world is be happy.” Said every imperialist ever.

Years ago, some friends and I were playing Scattergories. When one of my friends got the MLK card, she threw it over her shoulder and said, “Oh, MLK, whoever that is.” Her husband, a white guy, said, “You can’t say that! That’s like the USA’s Gandhi!” (Well, minus the part that Gandhi hated black people.) I gave her a pass because she was from India. Would he have put POC or black-friendly on his Craigslist ad?

I would love this to become a trend, but only for people who are truly black-friendly and not fakers. There is nothing worse than being bamboozled while having your guard down at the same time. Don’t fake it till you make it. If you don’t know anything about black history, if you believe that affirmative action is damaging to people of color rather than the racist attitudes and policies that destroy POC’s educational experiences, if you think black people don’t add one iota of value to your social or educational of life, cheat sheet, you are not black-friendly.

If you enjoy learning about the USA history and world history from another perspective, if you admire the intellectual, artistic, and spiritual contributions of black people, if you have gained insight and strength from a relationship with a black person, if you are willing to deal with your own racism and not throw it onto black people, then you might well be black-friendly.

Go ahead. Put up the words “black-friendly” on shop doors, doctor’s offices, classroom doors. Yes, in Craigslist Ads. I know that contact is not the strongest or most effective way to end racism, but it’s a really good step. Let’s change the mental chip. If Black Lives Matter, then you’re going to have to be comfortable, open and accepting to live among black lives.

Thanks for reading,

~MJ