Are You Being Seduced by Bigger, Better, and More?

There are easier ways to be happy.

My husband likes to dream about winning the lottery. He says, “I’d get a bigger boat, and we’d buy a condo in Hawaii!” I laugh and say he has One-Foot-I-Tis Syndrome as boat owners always want a boat that is a little bigger.

Thankfully, I know he doesn’t live in the world of bigger, better and more.

We’ve both learned the phrase is best when applied to the softer sides of life that are far more important than a bigger boat.

Once when I was in my 20s, I was out with my friends and we were celebrating something which I no longer remember. I raised my glass and said, “My favorite word is more! Here’s to more!” And we all cheered and laughed and clinked our glasses.

Sheesh. I look back and I roll my eyes at myself.

I called it the BBM. Bigger. Better. More. I wanted more money, more acknowledgment, and more travel. I wanted a bigger office, a better and fancier car as I thought it was a fast way to be happy.

I was too young and immature to know that Bigger, Better and More come with price tags attached.

Create Space to Savor Your Life

There were many reasons why I eventually left my big, fancy six-figure job in the world of national television advertising. It didn’t matter how large of a contract I had signed with a client or how long it had taken me to get it — my bosses would always say, “Great! Now, what else is in the pipeline?” I was in an environment that never allowed me to savor the moment.

And I realized I didn’t need bigger, better and more any longer. What I wanted was to live creatively and determine my own definition of success.

One of the best days of my life was when I handed in my resignation and started my own business. Ever since then — I rejoice in every good thing that happens and for much longer than the length of a lousy sales meeting.

Has owning my business been tough? Absolutely! But I am in charge of how much Bigger, Better and More I want. I know that I already have a good life and you probably do too if you take a closer look.

Now I can do a happy dance wherever I feel like it without getting a sideways glance from some corporate windbag. And sometimes after a great couple of days of coaching clients and writing, I head to an afternoon matinee and watch a foreign movie with a bag of popcorn — all by myself.

Savoring your life requires space and you’re the only one who can give it.

Your BBM Is Your Responsibility — Hooray!

Maybe it is a stage we all go through in our 20s and 30s — where we think we need more, more, more. Of course, we need desire in our life to create momentum and bigger, better and more are useful in small, controlled doses.

But it can quickly become overwhelming and dangerous and turn into a philosophy of lack that can seep into you like toxic waste into a river if you’re not careful. I think we all know people who live with a glass that is permanently half empty. Aren’t they fun to be around?

And it doesn’t stop there.

Consciously or unconsciously, sometimes we expect others to give us BBM too. But remember — expectations are always the fastest and hottest route to disappointment, bitterness, and anger.

And strangely — those who expect the most from other people, tend to be short on the giving side of things, themselves. Remember — people have their own lives to live and your expectations of them aren’t part of it. It’s as simple as that.

If you’ve got a big, bad case of BBM (and I hope you drop it like a hot potato) — it rests on you. Thank goodness for the freedom of a happier life you can give yourself by just changing your mind about what you want and need.

Enough Is Actually A Soulful Word

There is a marvelous feeling that fills you when you realize you have enough. And more importantly — that you are enough.

My friend passed away several ago and she was a lovely, smart and funny woman who also was extremely hard on herself. No matter what she did, she would often say, “I can do better.”

She had accomplished much in her life but deep down she didn’t feel that she had. And her phrase, “I can do better” sometimes stopped her from fully experiencing satisfaction, contentment, and happiness. I always told her she didn’t have to be better — she was already beautifully, enough. But I don’t think she ever really absorbed it.

I get it — we can all do better. And feeling like you have enough doesn’t mean you can’t continue to enhance your life.

But there’s a thin line between doing better and constantly not appreciating who you are and what you already have.

What would it feel like for you to embrace the word enough on a regular basis? That you could see that how you are is enough? How you actually have done some amazing things and you’re surrounded by good people?

What would happen if you were grateful for the gift of time your family and friends give you as they make space for you in their lives? And you realized that everyone’s contribution is something they aren’t obligated to give? And that everyone gives differently and that is perfect in itself?

And that it all finally, felt deeply and beautifully — enough?

You Can’t Buy This Kind of Wealth

Last night my husband brought home a scratch and win lottery ticket and he suddenly proclaimed, “I’m a winner! I just won five bucks!” And he had a big grin on his face.

And then he said,

“I don’t need a bigger boat. The one I have gets me on the ocean, it brings me to the same fish and I see the same whales as someone on a yacht would — except I get a closer look.”

I’ve been on that fishing boat on the Pacific ocean with him and I’ve seen the humpback whales he’s talking about. Sometimes they bring their barnacled selves a few meters from the boat and calmly blow a column of air right beside you and your heart swells with how majestic and magnificent they are.

You can’t buy this kind of richness.

And these unexpected soulful moments — these are the kind of bigger, better, and more moments I appreciate in my life now.

Thanks for reading! I have loads of essays on simpler living and food (recipes too) that are thoughtful, light-hearted, and always written with a shot of humor.