Psychology & Self Improvement

Are You an Atomic Human Doormat?

3 healthy response strategies to minimize fallout

I want to throw an ugly tantrum. Not a polite and reserved response like I typically exhibit. But a screaming, snot dripping, tears pouring, and fist-pounding spectacle. I have been under a lot of stress lately, and as a result, I have anger and resentment that I know is not healthy. My mind screams at me when I get into this mood. I want to tell every single person to go away. Human beings are a disappointment. God must be embarrassed he created us.

Have you ever felt this way?

While I am not a psychologist, I am an expert in being a figurative “doormat.” From birth, I have had a sticky note on my back that says, “Kick Me.” Doormats attract dirt. It is important to note that I cannot control other people’s actions. However, I can control my reactions and personal choices that lead to further anger and frustration.

One of the tenets of being a doormat is avoiding conflict. My natural inclination is to avoid confrontation at all costs. Thus, I assume a people-pleasing mentality for harmonious interactions with others. Often, this is to the detriment of my well-being. Why do I do this? Essentially, my warped mind makes me feel superior to the person, place, or thing that is upsetting me or crossing my boundaries.

The reality is there is nothing noble about being a doormat. I can’t change my DNA, but I can use the three strategies below to minimize fallout.

Rejecting Victimhood

When Dunkin Donuts screws up my coffee (they do every time), for once, I would like to turn around, go into the store, and ask how they can call themselves a coffee place if they cannot make coffee. I think the person who makes it must not drink coffee because if they did, they would agree that it tastes like crap.

A healthy response would be to not visit this store anymore instead of repeating the same routine and expecting different results.

I don’t do this, though, because, like a child, I want what I want when I want it. I do not want to drive 10 minutes out of my way to get coffee at a better place.

By playing the victim, I do not have to take any action. It is not a conspiracy on the part of the employee to ruin my morning every day. This store does not have good quality control practices. If I do not want to be angry and frustrated, I need to choose the healthy response of rejecting victimhood.

Defending Your Principles

When I go to the grocery store, and the cashier Says, “Ma’am, there is self-checkout,” I wish I had the nerve to say, “You moron! Soon you won’t have a job because a robot will take your place.”

A healthy response would be to wait fifteen minutes for a cashier to be available.

Usually, I will cave in and go over to the self-checkout register because it is inconvenient for me to wait. Then, I harbor the resentment of not standing by my principle of rewarding greedy businesses that cut costs by using self-checkouts instead of living people.

If I cave on my principles, I can avoid being inconvenienced or challenged to change. If I genuinely believe in a principle, I need to grow a backbone and stick by it no matter the cost.

Managing Your Time

My 24 hours are just as important as anyone else’s. I don’t want to answer a gazillion emails and texts. I do, though, because I want to be a conscientious employee and friend. I want to quit my job, live off the grid as a hermit, and enjoy what little bit of nature remains before pollution destroys everything. Sometimes, the sensory input is just too much.

A healthy response would be to examine my dreams and desires and then plan for them to become a reality instead of complete withdrawal from society. I could also have a canned response for when I feel overwhelmed.

My stubbornness causes me more emotional turmoil. I do not want to let go of my people-pleasing tendencies because I want to fit in and meet others’ expectations of me personally and professionally. By managing my time effectively and setting healthy boundaries with others, I can avoid a lot of the anger and irritation I feel daily.

Choosing healthy responses requires work and conscious effort.

These three strategies help me analyze the source of my anger and frustration. In turn, I can make better choices and decisions that benefit me rather than work against me.

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