Inspiration and Life

Are You a Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda?

Be a one little did instead

Why do so many of us go through life thinking I woulda done so much more if only…? Or I coulda been a different person. Or I shoulda taken the chance.

I have always loved a little poem written many years ago titled Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda.

“All The Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas Layin’ In The Sun, Talkin’ ‘Bout The Things They Woulda-Coulda-Shoulda Done… But All Those Woulda-Coulda-Shouldas All Ran Away And Hid From One Little Did.” Shel Silverstein (1930–1999)

This poem says a great deal about life! Let’s take a closer look at its brilliance. In much of life, woulda, coulda, and shoulda are interchangeable. For example, let’s say you have some regrets about saving for retirement instead of spending so much. You could say:

• I woulda saved more, but…
• I coulda saved more, but…
• I shoulda saved more, but…

Do you notice what they have in common? Each is an excuse maker for something not done. Excuses are a way of getting around owning what happened.

While there can be only a slight difference between each of the three ‘oulda’s, let’s attempt to make a distinction between them.

Woulda

How many times have you thought I woulda [fill in the blank]? It happens to all of us in life and is a great way to justify not doing or not having done something.

Woulda always comes with an excuse of some sort. Woulda is the weakest of the trio.

Woulda may mean you had an opportunity to do something but passed it up. It may be you didn’t want to deal with the consequences of what might have happened. Or it may have meant you had hope at one point and now regret not having done it. Regardless, when you hear the words would have or woulda, it is only an excuse.

Counteract woulda with will do. If it’s something you want to do, replace “I would have” with “I will [fill in the blank].”

Example — I woulda spent more time with my family instead of working like a crazy man, but I was trying to provide well for them. Instead of committing, I made excuses.

Lesson — Instead of woulda, I am now in a position to say I will care for my family and be with them more often.

Coulda

As with woulda, coulda is another excuse maker, but of a different sort. Coulda connotes you had an opportunity to do something but, for some reason, didn’t. You had a choice but chose otherwise.

Coulda indicates there was a possibility, and either it passed by, or you passed on it; otherwise, you would have said “I can” instead of “I could have.” Coulda often comes with a tinge of regret, in that you may have wished you had done it unless you are using it as a pure excuse maker.

Counteract coulda with can do. If it’s something you want to do, replace “I could have” with “I can [fill in the blank]” before it passes by.

Example — I coulda been a better husband before Charlotte, my first wife passed, but I was too busy with other things. In reality, I only tried to excuse my neglect.

Lesson — Rather than saying coulda, I now say I can be a better husband to Jane, my wife, and will continue to do so.

Shoulda

Shoulda takes the excuses from woulda and coulda and makes them more real. Shoulda means you missed the opportunity to do something you should have done. At the time, you should have said I shall, or I will do such-and-such. As with coulda, it likely comes with some regret for not acting on it when you had the chance.

Counteract shoulda with shall do. If it’s something you want to do, replace “I should have done it” with “I shall [fill in the blank]” when the opportunity arises.

Example — I shoulda bought fewer new cars instead of spending and losing so much money. I have always loved cars and made excuses as to why I needed a newer one. Most of this was to feed my ego.

Lesson — Instead of buying a new car every couple of years, I shall now wait several years before purchasing a new one. That will save me a ton on depreciation.

“Shoulda, woulda, coulda. They were the Three Stooges of regret. All they were good for was saying whoop-whoop-whoop and smacking each other over the head.” Thea Harrison (1962-present)

One little did

Do you want to be the one lying in the sun talking about what mighta been? Or would you rather have been the one little did?

A did does away with the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s and their excuses and regrets. Did is performed, concluded, achieved, settled, finalized, accomplished, ended, completed, finished. Did is done! No excuses necessary.

One little did leaves behind the excuses and regrets for not having done whatever it was, or better yet, used proactively eliminates them altogether! Did means it’s already in the past and can never be changed.

Final thoughts

How do you want to be seen now or at the end of life? As a woulda, coulda, shoulda person, or as someone who did something.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda’s are usually talkers, fakers, excuse makers, avoiders, immature, and other such things. They are not doers. Doers will have done it. Doers accomplish something instead of only making excuses.

Do you want to be seen as an excuse maker or a doer? The great thing about being a human being is we each get to make our own choices. You can choose, so choose wisely!

“I never wanted to be the person who said, “I woulda, coulda, shoulda.” Life is way too short, and you may not last that long.” Joy Bryant (1974-present)

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Bill Abbate Leadership Writer and Editor in ILLUMINATION

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