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Abstract

on-driven, aggressive, fuels disagreement, and weakens you. A response is generally calm, measured, empowers you, and can usually aid in solving situations.”</p></blockquote><h2 id="d4fc">My journey of personal growth</h2><p id="ac71">I had to learn the hard way about the benefits of responding rather than reacting. I grew up in a dysfunctional home environment and learned how to communicate by reacting immaturely, many times in anger.</p><p id="d0c3">As I developed as an emotionally intelligent adult and grew spiritually, I saw the <b>value in measured responses</b> rather than wild reactions. Yelling failed to get me anywhere positive. Reacting in anger served no purpose in my life.</p><p id="11bf">I only saw positive changes when I learned how to <b>manage my emotions</b> in a more mature manner.</p><p id="cc23" type="7">I needed to stop. Take a breath. Then respond.</p><p id="6589">The following five steps can help you to become an emotionally mature responder and not an emotionally immature reactor.</p><h2 id="f538">1. Learn to listen more</h2><p id="866a">Focus on actually hearing what the other person is saying. Don’t automatically dismiss their words simply because you want to get your point across to them. Listening to another person’s point of view can enlighten your mindset if you allow it to educate you.</p><h2 id="7068">2. Don’t react in anger</h2><p id="c8d4">It’s okay to be angry. Yet, acting out in your anger is never going to produce a positive result. Reacting in anger shows your immaturity. When you can stay calm through your frustrations, you will cultivate positive results in life.</p><h2 id="91f3">3. Respond maturely</h2><p id="0061">Before you respond to people — especially those who have angered you or caused your frustration level to increase

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— step back from the situation. Remember that you are responsible for your own actions. Don’t blame others. Respond in a mature tone with calm body language.</p><h2 id="a146">4. It’s foolish to act in anger</h2><p id="0f5f">Ignorant people react in anger to other people and situations. Yes, you’ll never be perfect. You and I are works in progress. However, it is foolish to act in anger because uncontrolled anger doesn’t multiply positivity. It only serves to diminish the light in the world.</p><h2 id="b14f">5. Measured responses work better</h2><p id="8901">Eric Fromm wrote <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/172744-the-mature-response-to-the-problem-of-existence-is-love">The Art of Loving</a>. He said the following profound statement:</p><blockquote id="7245"><p>“The mature response to the problem of existence is love.”</p></blockquote><p id="1f86" type="7">What is the problem of existence? The problem is that people can be selfish.</p><p id="c49c">You and I can get in our own way and fail to love others. When you respond to people in love — even if they reacted to you in anger — you’ll likely diffuse the situation.</p><p id="ab2a">Sure, this person may continue to react negatively. If that happens, then you need to remove yourself from the toxic situation. However, if you’re striving to become an emotionally intelligent adult, responding in love is always the right answer.</p><h2 id="04aa">The takeaway</h2><p id="44f4" type="7">You always have a choice in life.</p><p id="e146">You can choose to react negatively to people or circumstances. Or you can respond positively and in a mature manner. Whenever you choose to respond constructively, you’ll <b>impart more love and light into this world</b> that sorely needs both, especially these days.</p></article></body>

Are You a Responder or a Reactor?

5 Ways to respond maturely in life

Last night I started watching another video on Andy Stanley’s YouTube channel. This three-part series discussed how it’s important to better manage the way you respond to people and situations. The simple, yet profound statement he made resonated with me.

“Our superpower is our respond-ability factor.” — Andy Stanley

He further mentioned that “We relinquish control of our lives and our destiny when we react and don’t respond.”

That is a lesson I’d learned years ago after reading many relationship books by Gary Smalley and Gary Chapman — and through personal growth and development.

Yet, it’s a vital life lesson to learn.

Reacting versus responding

Dictionary.com states that the verb react means to “behave in a particular way in response to something.” To respond is described as to “say something in reply.” Reacting is more based on a behavioral reaction. Responding is related to communication.

According to Mindfool.com:

“Reaction is emotion-driven, aggressive, fuels disagreement, and weakens you. A response is generally calm, measured, empowers you, and can usually aid in solving situations.”

My journey of personal growth

I had to learn the hard way about the benefits of responding rather than reacting. I grew up in a dysfunctional home environment and learned how to communicate by reacting immaturely, many times in anger.

As I developed as an emotionally intelligent adult and grew spiritually, I saw the value in measured responses rather than wild reactions. Yelling failed to get me anywhere positive. Reacting in anger served no purpose in my life.

I only saw positive changes when I learned how to manage my emotions in a more mature manner.

I needed to stop. Take a breath. Then respond.

The following five steps can help you to become an emotionally mature responder and not an emotionally immature reactor.

1. Learn to listen more

Focus on actually hearing what the other person is saying. Don’t automatically dismiss their words simply because you want to get your point across to them. Listening to another person’s point of view can enlighten your mindset if you allow it to educate you.

2. Don’t react in anger

It’s okay to be angry. Yet, acting out in your anger is never going to produce a positive result. Reacting in anger shows your immaturity. When you can stay calm through your frustrations, you will cultivate positive results in life.

3. Respond maturely

Before you respond to people — especially those who have angered you or caused your frustration level to increase — step back from the situation. Remember that you are responsible for your own actions. Don’t blame others. Respond in a mature tone with calm body language.

4. It’s foolish to act in anger

Ignorant people react in anger to other people and situations. Yes, you’ll never be perfect. You and I are works in progress. However, it is foolish to act in anger because uncontrolled anger doesn’t multiply positivity. It only serves to diminish the light in the world.

5. Measured responses work better

Eric Fromm wrote The Art of Loving. He said the following profound statement:

“The mature response to the problem of existence is love.”

What is the problem of existence? The problem is that people can be selfish.

You and I can get in our own way and fail to love others. When you respond to people in love — even if they reacted to you in anger — you’ll likely diffuse the situation.

Sure, this person may continue to react negatively. If that happens, then you need to remove yourself from the toxic situation. However, if you’re striving to become an emotionally intelligent adult, responding in love is always the right answer.

The takeaway

You always have a choice in life.

You can choose to react negatively to people or circumstances. Or you can respond positively and in a mature manner. Whenever you choose to respond constructively, you’ll impart more love and light into this world that sorely needs both, especially these days.