LIFE | PARENTING

Are You a Failure When Your Kid Isn’t Going To College?

College is the answer for some, but not all.

It’s a trap to believe that there is but one path to success.

I began planning for my child’s college years nearly 18 years ago. In less than two weeks, my son will graduate from high school, and he’s been unequivocal that he has no intention of going to college.

I heard those words from my son, and they should not have surprised me. For a long time, I’ve known that he doesn’t enjoy the school experience. Still, I was taken aback when he told us his plans to try a different path.

College isn’t for everyone.

Of all people, this should have been very apparent to me. I attended college for a year but soon realized that I wasn’t in the right mindset to succeed. I dropped out and joined the US Air Force and spent the next four years in the equivalent of an apprenticeship.

I had four years of real-world experience in Information Technology when I left the military. I started my civilian life at IBM on a team of recent college graduates. They had degrees, and I had experience. I had a considerable advantage from day one, and my career progressed quickly.

The hard truth remains that on day 1 of your first job, where you went to school doesn’t matter anymore. — Sean Kernan

Ultimately, my accomplishments at work created opportunities, and I moved on to a new role at a new company. Not once was my lack of a degree an issue.

Still, I had feelings of insecurity, and I went back to school and graduated with a degree in IT well after my career was well on the way. I also earned an MBA because I didn’t want anyone to have a reason to impede my career progress.

It turns out that although I was proud to earn the degrees, the lack of a degree would have never been an issue in my career. When I was a manager, I worked with peers who didn’t have degrees, and when I became a director, I was one of very few with a graduate degree.

I let my insecurities build a foundation on my belief that college was the answer for my son. And I came to this conclusion before he was even born.

You probably don’t know very much.

When I was 18, I was sure that I knew more than my parents and anyone from their generation. At 49, the only thing I’m sure of is that I don’t know much about anything.

I felt confident that college was the best way to create an opportunity for success for my child. I felt this way, even though my wife and I found success through non-traditional paths.

We fell victim to societal traps that lead us to believe that expensive education is the path to success. We were convinced that this single path would be the best opportunity for our son.

I believe that most parents want their children to be more successful than they were. I know that’s how I feel about my son. And so, I clung to the one thing that I didn’t do in my life as the secret ingredient to greater success.

I recently read a great article by Preston Cooper about the ROI of a college degree. He completed a fantastic analysis of degrees and schools for The Foundation for Research on Equal Opportunity. He also provided a tool to look up the ROI for any degree for any school. I certainly wasn’t surprised that some degrees have no ROI. However, I hadn’t let my beliefs that not all college degrees are worth it impede my college plans for my child.

I was operating in a void with a single-track plan.

It’s not your choice anyway.

I had these grand thoughts about how my child would go to college and be more successful than me. I thought my master plan was best for my child, and I completely neglected that it was his life, not mine.

My parents supported my decisions when I left home and went off to college. They never pushed me in any direction, though. Upon high school graduation, my choices were my own, and I began to carve my path through life.

Somewhere along the way, I got lost and felt that I knew what was best for my child. I’m not exactly sure why I went off the rails.

Fortunately, my son is an intelligent young man and made a compelling case for his decision. As he spoke to my wife and me, I recalled the decisions I made as a young man.

It became clear that this wasn’t my decision to make. My son needed to create his path in his life. I felt guilty that I had made college such a focal point, despite the signs from my son throughout his life that perhaps college wasn’t the solution.

You are not a failure.

I know many people who have been successful in careers and life, and almost every story is unique. Some of these people went to college, and others did not. Some got degrees that had nothing to do with the work; they ultimately gained success.

College is the answer for some, but not all. There are many paths to success, and to believe that college is the only answer is close-minded.

Many young adults leave college with a monstrous pile of debt that will take many years to repay. And quite a few of these debt-ridden adults will never use the skills from college in their professional lives.

If your child decides that college is not for them, you are not a failure as a parent. Perhaps they are making a wise decision. And if they are not, they will have a lifetime to find their path.