Are We Becoming a Classless Society? By Dr. Bruce

Or a society without class?

Is America a classless society? Well, what do we mean by class? If we’re talking about social class, of course not. Consider the celebrity. Celebrities live in a world much different than most others. By definition, they are ‘celebrated’ in a way that most of society is not. Most Americans are either middle, lower, upper-class, or, poor. And, American social classes have their own neighborhoods, stores and eateries. Certainly, there may be a mixing of classes from time to time, and just enough upward mobility to keep the idea alive that through hard work, determination and grit, fulfillment of one’s dream is possible. Yet, that idea of class is not my focus here. I’m interested in the other kind, which considers a person’s behavior. And, it’s that which I believe we’re losing as a society. For, that type of class is about how you act, not how much money you have or where you live. It involves being well-spoken, not making a spectacle of oneself, and, having integrity.

Regarding being well-spoken, we, as a society, have a lot of work to do. Before the pandemic, I would visit Portland, Oregon, every year to see friends. One of the highlights of my visit would be to wander downtown, ending my day at Powell’s books. In case you don’t know, Powell’s is the world’s largest independent bookstore. And, as a result of its influence on the city’s culture, it wasn’t uncommon to see people of all ages sitting and reading a book at bus stops, parks and along the waterfront. And, reading is one of the best ways to both expand your world and increase your vocabulary. How often do people read today? Not much. Statistics show that most Americans have a vocabulary of about four hundred words. How many words are currently in the English language? Around 170,000. We can do better. How? Read on!

One way is through word choice. Consider the use of the words “get” and “really”. How often do we hear, “I’ve got to go to the store,” “I got something in the mail,” “I got up early this morning,” “I get it,” and, “Have you got the time”? “Get,” and “got” have become all-purpose helpers. Let’s try these expressions instead, replacing “get/got”, in the order above, with: “I must go to the store,” “I received something in the mail,” “I rose early this morning,” “I understand,” and, “Do you know the time”? Thinking of other ways to express ourselves strengthens our vocabularies, exercises our brains and helps us become more mentally flexible while signaling to others that we are educated, or, at least, thoughtful. And, what about “really”? How often do you hear it used thusly: “He runs really fast,” “I’m really excited,” “She’s really beautiful.” Instead, try: “He runs quickly” or, “more quickly than”, “I’m elated,” and, “She’s stunning/gorgeous/breathtaking”. Finally, my dad claimed that cussing was the sign of a small vocabulary. Therefore, he encouraged me to find other ways to express myself. Honestly, I don’t think my dad ever felt the satisfaction of expressing a powerful expletive, but his point is well-taken.

Another way to show class is to avoid making a spectacle of oneself, especially in public. Specifically, it’s known as having decorum, which means acting appropriately or in a manner that fits the occasion. For instance, it’s generally not considered good form to laugh at a funeral. That said, I have been at a couple in which the deceased wanted people to celebrate his life as a party, not mourning, but only sharing fun memories. So, laughing at those funerals would be an expression of decorum. Moreover, it’s generally considered a sign of decorum to think before you speak, meaning don’t be a babbling brook; listen more, talk less. I have to agree, having stuck my foot in my mouth more times than I would like to admit. Pause a couple of moments before speaking, think about your audience, how you want them to receive your words, if what you’re going to say is necessary. Furthermore, listening allows us to learn and generally makes people feel better by being heard, which is an easy way to show kindness to another human.

Recently I was writing in a coffee shop, a favorite activity of mine. In this particular place, the only seating available was at a long, wooden bar. I was in a corner with a fair amount of space but couldn’t help noticing three men a few feet away, one seated, the other two standing next to him, talking loudly and giggling like school children. Yet, more obnoxiously, they were crowding the man seated next to them. He, although almost being pressed into physically, just focused on his laptop and endeavored to ignore them. And, he continued to do so for over an hour, until they left. Observing this I wondered, why don’t we call out this type of behavior in public places anymore? For, I’ve seen this situation repeatedly, in which people are being rude and no one says anything. Are we afraid? Are we, sadly, becoming acclimatized to it? Or, are those of us who believe in decorum at a loss about what to say to those who either don’t appear to know what it is, or, don’t care. Moreover, is it the patron’s responsibility to set the limit? Whatever happened to ‘we have the right to refuse service to anyone’? It used to protect establishments from having to put up with people negatively affecting the business’ environment. Well, in this situation it might have been difficult to enforce since the three employees behind the bar were laughing loudly and calling each other by names inappropriate for the workplace. Decorum. It would help our society to put it into practice again. Problem? This type of behavior has become normalized to such an extent, in public, and on social media, and human beings having the propensity to imitate, that it’s spreading. Yet, those of us who believe in decorum can be an example, and hopefully, start to turn the tide back towards a civil society.

The idea of a civil society leads me to integrity. What’s integrity? It’s being a person of your word, one who is honest, dependable. There are many social media gurus who claim that the key to obtaining what you want is to game the system, meaning manipulate people. This approach may help one accomplish short-term goals, but over time can become a problem. Yet, when you’re honest, people notice. When you do what you say, people respect you. When you’re dependable, people trust you. Now, some will counter by saying that having integrity opens you up to being taken advantage of, that you should be more Machiavellian, more selfish, more unemotional, more power hungry. To be sure, there’s nothing wrong with being self-focused, ambitious, competitive and controlling your emotions. That said, often success comes when we compete against ourselves to be excellent. That’s when we’re noticed because it allows us to rise above petty conflicts and maintain good relationships with people against whom we may be competing. Regarding dependability, it’s currently, and sadly, being downplayed in an important venue, the dating sphere. It’s being said that dependability makes you boring, that somehow unpredictability makes you more enticing to the object of your affection. It depends on what you’re after. If you’re interested in dating someone and that someone is impulsive, seeking adrenaline and excitement at every turn, then sure, unpredictability could be relevant. But, if you’re seeking a relationship that provides a solid foundation from which to build, then dependability will attract the stable person. Certainly, he/she might enjoy some surprises and excitement now and again; I’m not saying to be a boring couch potato. Yet, the undergirding of the relationship should be dependability.

Finally, a word about honesty. Honesty is not being naive; it’s not saying the quiet part out loud. You don’t have to tell everyone your plans, or, every thought that you have to be honest, you can be strategic about what you say to whom. What being honest means, though, is to not intentionally deceive people. For instance, if you’re on a dating app and you’re not looking for something serious, you want to date around, there’s nothing wrong with that. Just put that in your profile. Don’t pretend to be interested in something long-term if you’re not, just to have a one-night stand, for instance. Honesty is the best policy. There are plenty of potential partners who feel the same, trust me.

So, how does having class make my life better? It allows you to have fun, but be respectable while doing so. Now, that doesn’t mean we have to drink martinis and act like James/Jane Bond. It means that you speak well, act like a gentleman or lady and be a person of your word. If you do these things, these behaviors will attract the right kind of people into your circle. And, who are the right kind of people? They’re those who will support and encourage and help you succeed, not drag you down and put obstacles in your way.

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