Are True Friendships More About Loyalty Than Honesty?

Here's why there can't be one without the other.

“Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but It’ll always get you the right ones” — John Lennon

"I can't believe you're taking sides with them"….

The phone went silent.

Really! Did Jessica hang up on me?

That's how my budding friendship with Jessica ended.

Jessica and I had a few lunch dates. We had previously met at a business conference where we were vying for a significant business contract.

She got eliminated from the short-listed prospects. She called me to vent her disappointment and asked why I thought she wasn't selected. I gave her my honest opinion where I felt she went wrong with her proposal.

I then discovered it's never easy to tell a friend the stone-cold truth, especially when it's not the kind of support they expected from you.

My honesty didn't sit well with Jessica.

But, I've had many Jessicas' in my life. They call on me to quell feuds, mend divides and build back broken bridges.

Family and friends know I never take sides.

They can always count on me to be sincere and honest.

But hearing the truth doesn't always sit well with some of them.

Here's why —

There will always be those who believe friends should be loyal no matter what. Some families won't let you forget, blood is thicker than water — even in circumstances when they are at blame or downright wrong.

A loyal friend is honest.

A healthy friend relationship is built on honesty and loyal. There can't be one without the other — both intertwine.

“Friends are honest with each other. Even if the truth hurts “.— Sarah Dessen

Not being honest with a friend is not only wrong but downright hypocritical.

A loyal friend might not always agree with you. They may not always serve you up that pity party and jump on your bandwagon to make you feel good. True friends know they need to be firm whenever the need arises. Being honest can only benefit you and your friend.

Jessicas' action reminds me why I seldomly consider my long list of business associates friends. This way, my business interest is not affected when I am honest — It's all business.

Loyal and honest friendships are not conditional.

Yes, you read that right.

No contractual agreement ties loyal friendship.

The idea of you doing this for me then expecting a similar favor no matter what is ridiculous and has no place in healthy relationships.

There is no payback day in friendships. Friends know when they need to step up and be loyal when necessary. Albeit, with honesty.

Loyal friends have boundaries.

Loyalty is a virtue, but It can also be problematic. Friends sometimes overstep their boundaries in the name of loyalty and complicate friendships.

Telling your friends what is best for them, especially when not asked, could overstate boundaries and compromise friendships. Always remember your Friends have a mind of their own, and you should know your limitations.

Known Psychologist Irene S, Levine. Ph.D. reminds us in her articles. "she's too much: A friend without boundaries," how not knowing your limitations can complicate a friendship.

But in the event your friend oversteps their boundary? Be honest and tell them without the fear of hurting the friendship.

Be mindful; it's not what you say but how you say it.

Friendship takes effort and work. So if you feel you haven't quite measured up to what a genuine friendship requires of you, don't worry. Just be reminded that loyal friendships are honest friendships.

Everything else will then fall into place for the people you love and choose to be your friends.