Are These Painful Email Mistakes Causing More Grief Than Good?
Ask yourself these 3 questions to improve your email etiquette.

When’s the last time you sent an absolutely cringe-worthy email? You know, one of those messages that leaves you scrambling for the “recall” button?
We’ve all been there, more so than ever given the highly remote environment of the present age. However, have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “Why did I even write that?” Or maybe, “What was I even trying to say?”
If you find yourself writing emotionally charged, lengthy, or unnecessary emails, here are 3 questions to ask yourself before hitting send.
1. Is this message emotionally driven?
We’ve all been triggered by an email that turns our face red and makes our blood boil. A client backing out of a done deal, a colleague not playing nice in the sandbox, or your boss delivering harsh criticism.
Whatever the case may be, the knee-jerk reaction is to fire off a less than savory response, further fanning the flames of conflict. The result:
- A heated reply and further continuation of the email chain.
- A messy confrontation that becomes the “talk of the town.”
Both outcomes can be avoided by the right reply.
Tip: Avoid showing your cards through an emotionally charged reply. Instead, acknowledge that you’ve received their message and ask if they’d be available to connect in-person/video/phone to discuss further. This eliminates a continuation of the paper trail and ensures that emotions are reserved for a more appropriate, easily understood setting.
2. How did this email get so long?
It’s easy to get lost in a reply, especially if the topic of discussion is complex in nature. If the time to draft your message deserves its own timeslot on your calendar, you’ve gone too far.
In these moments ask yourself:
- Am I providing more detail/context than what’s actually necessary?
- Would it be easier to deliver this information via a meeting?
If your answer is “yes” to either, the information covered would be best delivered via a meeting, or the message lacks conciseness and needs to be reworked.
Tip: If an email takes more than 3-minutes to draft, ask yourself if you’re adding unnecessary fluff or if the information provided would be better delivered during a meeting. If it’s the latter, a summary email can always be sent post-meeting to recap the discussion.
3. Does this need or require a reply?
If you begin drafting a message and you find yourself asking, “Why am I replying?” it’s safe to say you can delete your draft and move on. We are inundated with emails all day long, the last thing anyone needs is an unnecessary notification hitting their inbox.
On the contrary, some emails don’t deserve a reply. Can you think of an email you received that was more of a statement than a question? These emails can be traps that cause us to provide information that never needed to be shared. Often times they’re best left un-replied, testing to see if the subject comes up again down the road.
Tip: Don’t fall into the habit of replying just to reply. If you aren’t adding further substance to the chain, leave it be. Furthermore, avoid the trap of replying to an email that is more bait than benefit. If it truly needs your attention, the subject will come up again at a later date.
In Summary
Email is a fast, convenient, necessary part of the business world. Even so, poor email practices can turn the professional world into an anxiety-laden battleground.
Avoid professional battles and strife by practicing the following:
- If the message you’re drafting is coming from a place of emotion, schedule a meeting instead.
- Use the 3-minute rule of email drafting to determine if your message includes too much fluff or is better served as a meeting.
- Remember, not every email needs or deserves a reply. Sometimes the best message you can send is the one never written.
Have you let your emails get the best of you? Help others by sharing your stories in the comments, as well as including other email etiquette tips and tricks that serve you well.
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