Are Some People Just Born to Be Unhappy?

Summary

The article discusses the complexity of happiness and the oversimplification of self-help advice, acknowledging that for many, especially those in dire circumstances, the ability to choose happiness is not straightforward.

Abstract

The author reflects on the nature of unhappiness, critiquing the self-help industry's mantra of "change your mindset, change your life." While this approach may work for some facing transient life events, it is deemed insensitive and unrealistic for individuals in extreme situations, such as war, poverty, or abuse. The article emphasizes that for millions, daily struggles are not mere mindset issues but harsh realities that cannot be simply wished away. It concludes by highlighting the author's gratitude for their own relatively fortunate circumstances and the triviality of their own worries in comparison to those born into profound adversity.

Opinions

Self-help gurus oversimplify the problem of unhappiness by suggesting that happiness is a choice that anyone can make.
Unhappiness can be a fleeting emotion in response to specific events for some, which might be alleviated by a change in mindset.
For others, particularly those facing severe and ongoing hardships, the advice to "change your mindset" is not only ineffective but also insensitive.
The article suggests that some individuals are born into circumstances that predispose them to a life of unhappiness, questioning the fairness of such a reality.
The author expresses a sense of perspective and gratitude for their own life, recognizing that many readers are also relatively privileged and have less to complain about compared to those in extreme situations.

When “change your mindset, change your life” becomes an insensible thing to say.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. For some weird reason, every thought in my head seems to be coloured with a little bit of sadness. And this has me pouring out my thoughts on the whole concept of unhappiness.

Self-help gurus tend to oversimplify the problem of unhappiness. They’re adamant that happiness resides within the hands of any human — that you can simply choose to be happy and happiness will find you. “Change your mindset, change your life,” they say with a strong sense of conviction. But you know what? I find that hard to fully believe. Yes, for many people that will actually work, but this life is massively unbalanced.

There are different levels to unhappiness. For many of us, unhappiness is a fleeting but intense feeling that comes from being laid off, not being able to pay the bills, being rejected by your crush, catching your partner cheating on you, getting a “B” in an exam you were so sure you were gonna ace, looking in the mirror and realising you’ve added weight, watching your startup fail, or watching Tesla stocks tank immediately after you went all in.

This set of people can solve their problems by choosing to look at that event not as a big disappointment, but as a life lesson and move on from it. So yeah, a change of mindset could help here. But what of when the source of unhappiness is not just one event but a daily pattern?

How can you tell the guy born in Yemen, who has seen both parents murdered and still has to be dodging bullets and bombs on a daily basis that the only reason he’s unhappy is because of his mindset?

How can you tell the illiterate and malnourished kid, starving for days on end in Sudan that the reason he’s unhappy is because of his mindset?

How can you tell a girl who is constantly being raped by her uncle, is pregnant as a result, and is forced to keep quiet about it by her own mother that if she changes her mindset, all her problems will magically go away?

These are just a few examples, but the point is that these are the kinds of situations millions of humans currently find themselves in. While most of us get to lead a relatively normal life, these people live in an entirely different reality — one where “change your mindset, change your life” simply does not apply.

Parting Thought.

It just feels like there are some people who were set up for a very unhappy life right from day one. It’s futile, but I’m always gonna wonder why that is so. I’m never gonna understand what they could possibly have done in this life (or perhaps, a past one?) to deserve such a miserable life.

But whenever I think of these people, in a way, it makes me happy — as sadistic as that sounds. Thinking of them gives me a sense of clarity and makes me see just how trivial most of my daily worries are.

I am an extremely lucky person. Yes, I don’t have an Instagram-worthy lifestyle filled with red Ferraris and trips to Dubai, but thinking about people in those kinds of situations shows me that I have no real reason to be unhappy about anything in my life.

And since the fact that you’re reading this means you own a mobile/computer device with internet connectivity, you’re literate, you have some source of income, and you have regular access to food and water, chances are that you don’t have much to complain about either.