Are Germans “Cold” or Just Honest?

The Reasons Behind It

When I came to Germany, I automatically had a cultural shock. Beside seeing so many blonde people for the first time i.a., I was impressed by what many call “the German coldness.”

This “coldness” is very noticeable if you come from a country like Honduras, where we expect the cashier at the supermarket to smile at us and ask us about our day.

Or after ten minutes, someone at the bus station already knows our children’s names, what we do for a living, the amount of rent each other pays, if we have marital problems, etc.

In Germany, something like that rarely happens. At least for me.

I have realized that there are understandable reasons behind this “coldness”

They seem cold in a Business or professional context because they divide their personal life and profession at any level.

They are mostly straightforward and don’t lose time with nice words. They go a bit undiplomatically direct to the point. But as long as someone has a logical argument, they are very supportive and open. This way of speaking can be unfriendly to people not used to it.

I now see this as honesty and the need to say something insensitive if they have to.

They are very reserved with their feelings and show them In a trusted context, which is not at work or making small talk with a stranger. In a professional context, they want and expect to work efficiently.

They don’t expect the cashier to ( fake) smile but concentrate on providing what they need and want. If the cashier at the supermarket does not care how I am today, she does not ask me. She is just doing her job there. She is not there to make friends with me.

So now I, too, enjoy not always having to fake a smile or do small talk everywhere I go if I don’t want to. I enjoy the silence, the quietness of standing there waiting for the bus or listening to music with my headphones on the subway where everyone is doing their own thing.

Yes, it is true that in Germany it is challenging to make friends.

But here, we have to clarify that for most Germans, the meaning of being a friend differs from what I had before coming to Germany.

In Honduras, we say that we have a lot of friends, those on the soccer team, at children’s school, coworkers, etc. On the other hand, the Germans clearly distinguish between acquaintances, coworkers, and friends.

Building a friendship takes a long time for Germans and is something they take very seriously.

Being a friend has a lot of value, which takes time and effort, and they see it as something that is not fleeting but for life. Once they are your friends, they are loyal to you.

They can have an excellent and friendly work relationship with colleagues, but that is it. They are not friends, and they are totally ok with that. They prefer to choose by themselves whom they spend their evenings with.

So many Germans build their friends’ Groups when they are children. In fact, some of them, since they are in kindergarten, make an effort to maintain that friendship, nurture that friendship, travel together, and do things together. It is not just a matter of saying this is my friend. They act as friends.

For many foreigners, it is difficult to get into these groups. Because if a german thinks they will not be able to build this new friendship , they just don’t push it.

Behind this coldness is honesty, respect for their and others’ private lives, goal-oriented, working effectively and harmoniously, and enjoying being alone. Being reserved with their feelings

Disclaimer: These are my conclusions and what I have lived . When I say german, I don’t mind all the people in Germany , but what seems as usual ,and most people do.

Why not join Medium? You’ll get unlimited access to all my articles and thousands of other writers. If you sign up using my link, I’ll earn a tiny commission.