Are American Women Really the Worst Type of Mate?

A look at the shaping of a woman’s psyche in America and the denigration of her beautiful strength

Ever hear the entire lyrics from “American Woman”? The song was originally sung by the Canadian band The Guess Who in the 1970s, but Lenny Kravitz ended up popularizing it even more.

American woman, stay away from me American woman, mama, let me be

That is just the opening. Then it gets interesting:

I don’t need your war machines I don’t need your ghetto scenes Colored lights can hypnotize Sparkle someone else’s eyes

Lenny Kravitz came under fire for those lyrics(again, they were not written by him), and for the risqué images of women in his music video.

Some say, the lyrics are about war and America. Perhaps America is a woman metaphorically speaking. Others say, it is the denigration of the American woman. Saying she is way more powerful than she should be.

In my mind, either reasoning is kind of a bad look for women in America, but how did we get here?

The rights and suffering of women has a long history

I will not speak on foreign women because I do not live in their country nor know their histories fully; also they seem to be “choice mates” for some American men.

American women, like most women around the globe, have had to either cloak their power or beg for it.

In 1776 Abigail Adams had to write a plea to her husband to “please do not forget the ladies…do not put such unlimited power into the hands of husbands”. This was a plea made to the Continental Congress. She made this plea because women give birth to men, but the men have made sure to place women beneath their feet.

In fact, one of my favorite, yet melancholy stories I’ve read in college was The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, which is still regarded as one of the most important pieces of literature in feminist history. The husband in the story offers a “rest therapy” for his wife when she suffers a temporary nervous disorder — which we now call postpartum — after she delivers a baby.

He forbade her to journal and write and only rest upstairs in a musky room sequestered from everyone and everything else.

The story makes striking use of an unreliable narrator in order to gradually reveal the degree to which her husband has “imprisoned” her due to her physical and mental condition: she describes torn wallpaper, barred windows, metal rings in the walls, a floor “scratched and gouged and splintered,” a bed bolted to the floor, and a gate at the top of the stairs, but blames all these on children who must have resided there. From Wikipedia

When the husband returns home, the narrator(who is unreliable at this point) is crawling on all forms declaring she “made it out at last”. She has clawed the yellowed wallpaper and believes she has freed the woman she saw there.

The author, Gilman wrote this story, more than likely to highlight the importance of women being able to be free to explore and not be stuck at home as only child bearers. We all know what it felt like to be stuck home during the pandemic…many suffered mentally from watching the four walls all day long, so why would a woman want to deal with that until death?

Just for thought: Did you know that women like the Bronte Sisters, Mary Ann Evans, Alice Bradley She ldon, and more had to use male pen names just to have their books published and popularized?

Remember the show, Dahmer, that aired on Netflix recently? Dahmer’s mother was clearly ill from all the medicines she was taking and just wanted to be heard in the doctor’s office. Instead, she was treated as if she were a whiny child:

“I know there are women out there who like being pregnant,” she pauses. Then says, “I feel guilty that I’m not one of them.”

Even though women are the ones with the womb, in many cultures it is just expected she will give birth and should probably like giving birth many times over no matter the toll it takes on her.

The intersection of womanhood, feminism, and Black women

Sadly, while discussing women history, we often leave out Black women who ultimately face many trials as any person, but on top of that, we face sexism and racism. Unlike other women, we actually did work outside the home — as slaves…next to our men.

In fact, Black women still overwhelmingly work outside the home. There is a reason for this but first, let’s see what Sojourner Truth, a Black woman, had to say in 1851:

A formerly enslaved worker turned abolitionist and women’s rights activist, Sojourner Truth delivers her famous “Ain’t I a Woman?” speech at the Women’s Rights Convention in Akron, Ohio. “And ain’t I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain’t I a woman?”

Black women are still women- duh! However, given our history and our present state, we represent America to the fullest. Due to dilapidated neighborhoods and men who could not stay committed or who lost their lives due to jail time, gangwars, and police brutality, Black women have had to take on the hard, arduous task of woman and provider. Dual roles not expected of anyone, but her.

White women and other non Black women are finding themselves in the same situation as the Black woman now. Not to the extent that she is, but some.

More legal shifts for women

On June 24, 2022, the Supreme Court overturned Roe V. Wade, which in 1973 legalized women’s rights to an abortion. Now, whether I believe and stand for abortion or not, is not the issue here. The issue is that last year, it no longer became a federal right. In other words, this is in YOUR state’s hands to decide if you can terminate your pregnancy or not.

This year, we witnessed affirmative action go down the drain too, which affects Blacks and Black women mostly, but that’s neither here nor there.

More rights will go down the drain as America wields his mighty pen.

Women’s scope of history goes much deeper than we can peel back, but the idea here is that American women, after being bludgeoned metaphorically and physically to a blood pulp, she has emerged as a Phoenix with razor sharp claws, vowing to never be weak again. She wants to travel the air and seas too.

She wants the world to see she can be sexy, demure, and can take care of work and home. The American woman can be proud sometimes, and maybe a bit too proud to the point of disgust to her potential mate.

Sometimes, the American woman wants to lie back and chill and have options other than slaving at home and/or work.

The American woman may want children, and she may not. If she chooses not to, it isn’t because she is evil or hate herself. Child bearing and bearing it all, has not be a greatly reciprocated venture for the woman at all. Yes, some households are thriving where the man is a wonderful help mate to her, but many households are not like that.

Due to American women’s hardened exteriors over the years and regaining her confidence and freedoms which any human should have, she is now being told that a “foreign” woman is a better option over her. The American woman’s years of being second class, abused, cheated on, and her rights being slowly taken away like a stolen piece of joy, has earned her the guarded gate she wears now, but it has cheapened and diminished her beauty according to some American men.

This is no different than a Black woman’s plight (remember the intersectionality of it all?). Black women have always worked next to “her man” and now has no choice but to get a college education and secure a great job, because she is familiar with a community ran by women. The men have left.

Now, as a Black woman, not only do we have to unsheathe our “claws” often- we (some of us) wears a heavy crown. Many times, the Black woman gives up and just twerk her way through life and cuss like a sailor to destress, or she runs herself down being married to her business.

Either way, she is now told she is masculine for doing her best to strive in a “man’s world”. I mean, you have to be tough to make it on your own and teach your daughters the same way too, right?

So…Do American women make great mates?

Depending on who you ask, the answer could be yes. Not only will she have her own mind to hold down an intelligent conversation, but she can also be a great complement to your own strength and mystery. Sometimes, she will come off hard as steel due to protecting her mind and soul or to protect herself from you.

However, an American woman may not be for you if you’d like a woman who was not tainted by history and politics or who was socialized a certain way due to her culture and background.

Thank you for reading!

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