Appease Anger When It Lights a Fire, First Quench It With This Simple Step
Anger destroys families, friends, and business relationships.
Without wood, a fire goes out; without a gossip, a quarrel dies down. (Proverbs 26:20, NIV).
It takes the wisdom of Solomon to keep our heads on straight when in the middle of a fiery argument. Sometimes no response is the best response. Not adding another log to the fire dims the blaze. I’ll admit, it is not easy to quell the blaze. But, as they say, silence is golden.
Not every jab needs a counter-jab. Unless you’re in a ring with a prizefighter, then yes, slug it out.
Your family members are not in this fight to win a title. Their desire is understanding and acceptance.
But, Richard, you do not understand how their actions, words, and demeanor towards me in public have been to destroy me. Okay, I get your point, but do you want to rebuild or bring more destruction? Do you want to unleash the seething venom within you? Spew innuendos destroying your adversary while proving you’re right?
Wouldn’t you instead like to walk away with a handshake and a smile?
You have the power to change disgraceful behavior into a positive relationship.
Read the words of the wisest man who ever lived
King Solomon tells us this power is in our words. He’s right; we decide to divide or to revitalize our relationships.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit. (Proverbs 18:21, NKJV).
Solomon says death lies in the power of our words. Are we about to end a family relationship? Destroying life-long friendships is in our ability. Why would any of us choose to ruin a relationship, a marriage, a business, or a sibling’s connection? I get it; sometimes, it is best to walk away from a negative relationship. But, even so, walk away with graceful parting words.
Solomon reminds us, we have the freedom to bring life into our relationships. It begins with our choice to dig deep in our soul to display an attitude of life over destruction. Doing this even in our pain makes us the persons God designed us to be.
The last of all human freedoms is the ability to choose one’s own attitude in any set of circumstances. — Victor Frankl.
In Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl describes how he survived in the Nazi concentration camp using kindness. None of us have experienced the anger poured out on him as a Jew. Yet, Victor responded with kindness. What a lesson for all when anger bellows its nasty words.
Long before Solomon, Moses gave a speech telling the children of Israel, God offers a choice. God has set before them the opportunity of life and death as their choice to make.
Here it is:
This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life so that you and your children may live. (Deuteronomy 30:19. NIV).
Here’s the wrap
- Appease the anger directed our way by leaving the wood on the woodpile. Don’t add fuel to anger’s flame.
- Use silence. It’s a seldom-used but powerful tool in your communication toolbox.
- Choose life. Use life-giving words to dim the flame of anger.
- Seek connection over rejection always.
- Draw the offender towards you.
- Wield the power of prayer to bring softness to your words.
Life-giving words are available
Henri Nouwen wrote these words years ago.
Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come.
We can do better at this, and I know we can. Let’s soften anger’s blow. Count me in, how about you?
What strategies have you used to dim the fire of anger?
Let’s have a conversation since anger affects us.
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Here’s a little primer to enhance your relationships.
Thank you, Richard
