Appearance Matters: Why Wearing Makeup is a Good Thing

Makeup helps set boundaries we need

When I was in my 20s, I met a woman who never let her husband see her without makeup. She got up an hour earlier than he did every morning to do her hair and “put on her face” before he got up.

He thought it was awesome.

I thought it was appalling.

Recently I read an article by a woman who said that working from home because of the pandemic has liberated her from things like makeup, business attire, and uncomfortable fashion trends. She was loving being bare-faced and wearing baggy clothes, even in online work meetings.

She thinks she’s found freedom.

I think she might be on the road to failure.

Those two extremes got me to thinking about appearances and makeup. We’re told from the time we’re children what we look like doesn’t matter, it’s who we are inside that counts.

Only the second half of that statement is true.

What we look like matters.

We’re also told to be ourselves, to be authentic, to let people see us as we really are.

But most of us have multiple personas — our home persona, our work persona, our social persona, even our church persona. And within those general categories are more divisions — all genuine, all at least slightly different.

Makeup doesn’t alter the fundamental way you look, but it can make you look better. Properly applied, it can smooth out your complexion, emphasize positive features, and minimize flaws or imperfections. That alone can be a confidence-booster leading to a long list of beneficial results. But it doesn’t change who you are.

Makeup (whether actual cosmetics or using the term in an abstract way), hair, and clothes are symbolic; they set the terms of our relationships.

Makeup isn’t a mask, it’s a message. It’s not a disguise, it’s a non-verbal boundary.

The face I show to my husband — whether it’s scrubbed clean or carefully made up — is different from the face I show to my friends. The face I show to my friends is different from the face I show to my clients and business associates.

All are my face, just versions of it that are appropriate for the relationship and the situation.

We need people in our lives with whom we can be totally honest. I can’t imagine living with someone who didn’t want to see me without makeup, as my acquaintance with the shallow husband did (I’m not judging; it’s just not what I would choose).

I also can’t imagine meeting with a client or business associate without my “professional face” on.

Of course, it’s possible that, with this couple in the first example, she was the one who didn’t want to show him her “real” self and he was okay with that. Maybe she didn’t believe he would love her if he saw her without makeup. To me, it looked like makeup was a message that they didn’t value authenticity in their relationship.

With the woman in the second example, I think she’s sending a message to her associates that she doesn’t respect or care enough about them to take the time to make her appearance appropriate for the situation. She’s done away with some important boundaries.

Looking at this from the perspective of my business associates and casual friends, I doubt that they want to see me without any actual or emotional makeup at all. Nor do I want to see them in that state. It’s not that we’re uncaring, but our relationships are not based on exposing those private parts of ourselves that are best reserved for those closest to us.

We should know and love ourselves with and without makeup. We should have a small circle of people with whom we can be mutually honest and bare-faced.

But we need makeup in most of our relationships.

Makeup doesn’t hide who I am, but it helps me manage who you see in a healthy way. And that’s good for both of us.

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