Apologies to a Deserted Swan

Summary

The poem "Apologies to a Deserted Swan" is a heartfelt apology and reflection on a lost friendship marked by the narrator's regret over abandoning a close friend, Liana, due to personal insecurities and choices.

Abstract

"Apologies to a Deserted Swan" is a poignant poem that delves into the narrator's introspection and remorse for leaving behind a cherished friend, Liana. The narrative unfolds through memories of shared experiences, from childhood playfulness to adolescent musical awakenings, highlighting Liana's beauty, confidence, and the deep bond they once shared. The poem confronts the narrator's decision to prioritize a romantic relationship over their friendship, leading to a sense of betrayal and loss. The act of writing the poem serves as a cathartic gesture to make amends, acknowledging the pain caused by the desertion and celebrating the enduring grace of Liana, who accepted the narrator's apology with forgiveness and understanding.

Opinions

The narrator acknowledges the beauty and grace of Liana, comparing her to a swan, and expresses regret for not appreciating their friendship fully.
There is a sense of guilt and self-reproach for having abandoned Liana, especially in light of her unwavering support and mentorship during the narrator's formative years.
The poem suggests that the narrator's actions were influenced by their own insecurities, as they felt intimidated by Liana's confidence and physical appearance.
The narrator reflects on the joyful and culturally rich experiences they shared with Liana, indicating that these moments were significant in their personal growth.
The act of writing the poem is seen as a step towards reconciliation and healing, with the hope of restoring the friendship that was left "tattered" and "shredded."
The poem implies that the narrator has learned from their mistakes and now recognizes the value of deep, platonic relationships over romantic ones.

for Liana

In your living room, a photograph of a buck-toothed four year old ballerina smiling in a tutu before

your transformation was complete.

Oh, Liana, I never meant to abandon you to your beauty when you considered me the one least likely to desert you.

You wore your pale pink point shoes in your bedroom and told me “My toes have been bleeding.” “At 14, for ballet, I am overweight.”

I suggested quitting ballet, but you loved it, so you would not quit.

Liana, you were not overweight. You were curvy and sure, so sure. Olive skin, ocean eyes, Mona Lisa smile. So confident so young. You took me

under your wing, where I blossomed. Do you remember driving us south through fiery smoke on I-35 to Dallas to watch Beck have an amazing concert

followed by a suggested onstage orgy that made your taste for Beck disappear in an instant? Or, driving to Tulsa to watch The Pixies at Cain’s?

You brought me out of my shy, awkward shell into so many musical awakenings.

Sometimes, people thought we were sisters. Finding girlfriends, for you, was not easy — You were, you are — too beautiful. A blessing, a curse, a swan song.

I knew this poem would be hard to write and for Toulouse-Letrec, for you, for me, I decided to do it anyway.

When we were four years old we befriended each other outside the doors of the International Pantry where our mothers worked, eating gummy bears, playing school.

In college, I deserted you for my boyfriend. You would show up to our house in your low-cut blouse; I didn’t trust either of you, so I deserted you, you beautiful swan, left you for a man after promising myself I would never leave a friend for a man. But, I did.

And, you, in all your grace and beauty, a decade or so later, took my Facebook message apology with all the grace I hoped for but did not expect. You wrote me a letter. You did not hate me.

In this poem, I mourn our friendship, the one I chose to leave tattered, shredded like an old tutu headed for the bin. I turned away from your stunning beauty, afraid. I am sorry, Liana, beautiful swan, I am so sorry.

Poem Prompt Writer’s of the 20s

Apologies to a Deserted Swan

for Liana