Summary

The website content is an impassioned public service announcement (PSA) addressing inconsiderate behaviors such as improper disposal of dog waste, the impact of smoking, and loud cell phone conversations.

Abstract

The author of the web content expresses frustration with certain behaviors that negatively impact society and the environment. These include leaving dog poop bags on the ground after use, the health and environmental hazards caused by smoking and discarded cigarette butts, and the disturbance of loud cell phone conversations in public spaces. The piece is written as a satirical open letter, aiming to raise awareness and encourage better public etiquette. The author humorously suggests that their previous writings have improved public behavior, such as reducing seat-kicking in movies and reckless driving in parking lots, and hopes that this new PSA will lead to a perfect world.

Opinions

The author sarcastically thanks individuals who use dog poop bags but fail to dispose of them properly, highlighting the absurdity of leaving waste wrapped in plastic.
Smokers are criticized for their contribution to secondhand smoke deaths and environmental pollution through discarded cigarette butts, with the author using irony to thank them for their 'service' to humanity.
The author expresses annoyance at people who conduct loud conversations on their cell phones in public, making it clear that such behavior is neither impressive nor desired by others.
There is a strong environmental concern present, as the author points out the negative impact of littering, whether it be dog poop bags or cigarette butts.
The author's tone conveys a mix of humor and seriousness, using exaggeration to emphasize the need for more considerate public behavior.
A threat of retribution is implied towards those who litter with dog poop bags, suggesting that the author or others may take action against such behavior.

REALLY?! … A PSA

Another Open Letter to Sh*theads and Fcuking Idiots

You’re right. You ARE the only person on the planet.

**You’re the reason my frown is now upside down … or will be soon.** * * * Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

Version 1.0 of this story has already made the world a better place.

An Open Letter to Sh*theads and Fcuking Idiots

Exorcising my diplomacy

medium.com

Because of my story above, my incredible charm and persuasive ability and the general goodwill of people everywhere:

Movie seat back kicking … ceased.
Driving 90 through the supermarket parking lot … stopped.
No one pays by check …ever.

All good stuff.

With that in mind, I thought to provide another PSA addressing other egregious behaviors.

After this, the world should be perfect.

Dog poop bags

Thanks for using them, but I think the idea is, that once filled, they are to be taken away and disposed of properly.

Who knew? Or could have guessed?

In the “minds” of many, it seems that the sole poop bag purpose is to provide a happy home, a shit shelter if you will, for dog crap. Once no longer homeless, the dog poop and its bag are then to be left where the poop once was.

In reality, it’s a two step process.

1️⃣ wrap that rascal

2️⃣ carry wrapped rascal away with you (since the fucking dog can’t) and toss it (NO! NOT on the side of the road/trail/bike path/supermarket aisle) in the trash

Simple, no?

Alternatively: Do as you’ve always done and festoon the landscape with plastic-wrapped dog shit. The visual appeal, and thoughtfulness, are incomparable. Added bonus, it’s great for the environment!

BTW: If I spy you wrapping poo and leaving said poo behind:

I will find you, and I will ̶k̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶. write all over your windshield with a large brown crayon that closely resembles the size and shape of a dog turd.

Smokers — thank you for your service

No really, we appreciate you.

You steadfastly thin the humanity herd by shortening life for millions of your brethren worldwide.

Via secondhand smoke, you dispatch about 600,000 innocents annually, also worldwide (so thanks for spreading it around). Again, you’re doing your best to unclog freeways and ensure that the rest of us can get better seats in theaters.

Third hand smoke hazards (yes, it exists, Google it). We’re still in the process of sorting them out, but they’re sure to be doozies. So again, thanks.

Then there’s the matter of the butts and your finely tuned aesthetic sensibilities.

Throw those butts down to join their untold billions of friends all over the planet. The delicate carpet of golden and white butt-flowers you leave in your wake makes the world a far more beautiful place than it would be otherwise. When the breeze blows the poisonous petals from the neighborhood into my yard it’s thrilling. Knowing that animals choke on the butts, also scintillating. So please, please continue to smoke in the planet’s most stunning locations then, before leaving, decorate the place anew in a way that only a thoughtful creative demigod like yourself could conceive.

Oh, and leave those discarded butts still smoldering in the beach sand. I want to step on them barefoot. There’s nothing I enjoy more than hopping madly and swearing during a relaxing day at the coast. It’s great exercise. Thanks too for that health benefit.

Cell phone bellowing

How else would I know how cool you are?

Set the speaker volume to “stun”, then scream into the device like your toenails are being ripped out. I can hear you from blocks away.

And, I want to.

After all, how else would I know:

you just closed several multi-billion dollar real estate deals
you just got a inked with an enormous multi-colored image of Donald Trump riding the QAnon shaman to the NRA convention
you just ate 12 double doubles with cheese at The Tub O’ Lard Burger Trough, then had roadkill pizza for dessert
you just fucked her, or whoever you just fucked
you just fucked him, or whoever you just fucked
you’re out with entire dysfunctional family to see the latest Disney movie
you’re drunk
or, all of the above

Thanks for listening.

I feel better now.

You?