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Abstract

of self-worth, don’t appear to have the same issues. It seems it’s easy for our brains to go from 0 to 1 rather than minus 5 to 1.<ul><li>Like when you’re elbow-deep down the back of the couch digging for loose change to pay for the taxi when you’ve been telling yourself all day that you’re rich and wealthy.</li><li>Or when you start stammering through buckets of sweat to your manager about the latest project when you’ve been wishing yourself into this confident being.</li></ul>Are you rich?Are you strong and healthy?Do you feel confident and like you can tackle anything?Or are you actively trying to delude yourself into believing these things?No matter how many times you say these things to yourself you won’t feel it unless you’ve completely disillusioned yourself. And that’s a simple fact.Don’t get me wrong; I was queen affirmation. I tried to convince myself I had won the lottery. I put myself through borderline traumatic experiences because I could “fake it till I made it” and “I’m outgoing and confident and a social butterfly”.<h1 id="90c6">It’s an assault on your nervous system</h1>“Believing as if it were true” rather than putting the work in to even out the ground and actually become these things means we’re throwing a sheet over the holes. You’re bound to fall through if any pressure is applied.Believe it or not, we feel most of our feelings for a reason. We may not consciously be able to put our finger on the reason why, but our bodies are pretty complex creatures you can’t just pull the wool over their eyes and have everything work out.If you say something to yourself that runs counter to your real belief system, your brain will refuse to accept it. You’ll argue with yourself, and then judge yourself for the internal dialogue and feel shittier than you did in the first place.It’s a natural software system and it’s there for good reason. We don’t pick up spiders or play with snakes because we told ourselves we’re not afraid. So why do we think we can tell ourselves that we’re perfectly fine speaking in front of all our peers or happy with the current shitty circumstances of our lives.<h1 id="19ad">Feel Your Feelings</h1>I’m the queen of freaking out internally but looking calm and collected. Most people think I’m

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just quiet but the reality is adrenaline is pumping and my brain is on overdrive as I fight myself to stand my ground and not burst out in tears.I’ve been known to avoid things just to avoid the nauseous feelings that come with it. Susan Jeffers says feel the fear and do it anyway — well sometimes I just ain’t able to do it, Susan!Our bodies react in certain ways to keep us safe. Our feelings guide us. They give us a navigational tool to perform actions and change our circumstances.You may not be a strong, confident person but feeling fear when challenging your manager is a normal emotion; it’s allowed to be there. In fact, it’s supposed to be there.We’re uncomfortable because we’re doing something we’re not used to or something that could go wrong. And that’s okay. Our life history has taught our bodies to react this way.Take a moment to acknowledge the fear. Your body is just uncomfortable because you’re stretching slightly outside your comfort zone.Instead of forcing down the unwanted emotion and point-blank lying to yourself that “you’re fine — you’re fine” and low key traumatizing yourself into taking the action because you “affirmed it”. Acknowledge, assess and take action accordingly.<h1 id="dc89">It’s not all bad though</h1>How we speak to ourselves is hugely important. With an estimated 70% of our internal monologue believed to be negative; do we really need the good things to be lies? How can we trust ourselves when incessantly telling ourselves something we know we don’t believe?Swapping to a kinder monologue and taking actions that align with what we believe can be a gentler way of moving away from the negativity we don’t want.Pushing yourself outside your comfort zone is how you grow.But don’t lie. Our body and mind know the difference, starts to trust itself less and can compound the bloody problem.So yes. Click to confirm you’ve read the terms and conditions if you feel so inclined. Tell the stranger at the bar you have a boyfriend but don’t lie to yourself.Give yourself the time and space to grow and expand (because the reality is one day (after you’ve put in the work) you’ll wake up confident and it won’t be because you’ve said it to yourself on rote 1,000 times a day.</article></body>

Annihilate Affirmations — they’re not good for your mental health

We’re aaaaaall gigantic liars — and don’t you dare tell me otherwise. Because if you even attempt to convince me you’ve read the terms and conditions every. single. time. you sign up to have the latest Pinterest-hack-ebook-newsletter delivered to your inbox, well then… We can’t be friends.

Should we really be friends, though? Clearly, I’m living on the wild side. I wouldn’t be good for your blood pressure.

The rest of you con-artists, I’m sure, will agree that these itsy-bitsy honesty evasions don’t really affect our lives. I might even venture that they make our lives better.

The flip side; the other end of the spectrum live the soul-destroying, monstrosities of lies that break hearts and leave egos black and blue. Firmly rooted in the middle of these bad boys with a face of pure innocence and a soul as black as a burnt cast iron skillet are affirmations.

At first, they seem like a bright idea. The “science” seems to say they’re pretty okay too. Every Guru spouts the need to believe but the wonderful intentions behind affirmations quickly fade away after you’ve played around with them for a while because everything starts to feel a bit… disjointed.

Two Words.

Cognitive dissonance.

For those who don’t know — cognitive dissonance is where your mind has conflicting ideas and you start to feel a bit off. Like something doesn’t quite sit right but you can’t tell what it is. It manifests as stress, anxiety, regret, shame, embarrassment, or feelings of negative self-worth.

It happens when our actions, beliefs or words don’t align with our thoughts and funnily enough, studies show, they can compound anxiety, shame or stress if the person practising these magic sentences already suffers from them.

Those with “normal” levels of self-worth, don’t appear to have the same issues. It seems it’s easy for our brains to go from 0 to 1 rather than minus 5 to 1.

Like when you’re elbow-deep down the back of the couch digging for loose change to pay for the taxi when you’ve been telling yourself all day that you’re rich and wealthy.
Or when you start stammering through buckets of sweat to your manager about the latest project when you’ve been wishing yourself into this confident being.

Are you rich?

Are you strong and healthy?

Do you feel confident and like you can tackle anything?

Or are you actively trying to delude yourself into believing these things?

No matter how many times you say these things to yourself you won’t feel it unless you’ve completely disillusioned yourself. And that’s a simple fact.

Don’t get me wrong; I was queen affirmation. I tried to convince myself I had won the lottery. I put myself through borderline traumatic experiences because I could “fake it till I made it” and “I’m outgoing and confident and a social butterfly”.

It’s an assault on your nervous system

“Believing as if it were true” rather than putting the work in to even out the ground and actually become these things means we’re throwing a sheet over the holes. You’re bound to fall through if any pressure is applied.

Believe it or not, we feel most of our feelings for a reason. We may not consciously be able to put our finger on the reason why, but our bodies are pretty complex creatures you can’t just pull the wool over their eyes and have everything work out.

If you say something to yourself that runs counter to your real belief system, your brain will refuse to accept it. You’ll argue with yourself, and then judge yourself for the internal dialogue and feel shittier than you did in the first place.

It’s a natural software system and it’s there for good reason. We don’t pick up spiders or play with snakes because we told ourselves we’re not afraid. So why do we think we can tell ourselves that we’re perfectly fine speaking in front of all our peers or happy with the current shitty circumstances of our lives.

Feel Your Feelings

I’m the queen of freaking out internally but looking calm and collected. Most people think I’m just quiet but the reality is adrenaline is pumping and my brain is on overdrive as I fight myself to stand my ground and not burst out in tears.

I’ve been known to avoid things just to avoid the nauseous feelings that come with it. Susan Jeffers says feel the fear and do it anyway — well sometimes I just ain’t able to do it, Susan!

Our bodies react in certain ways to keep us safe. Our feelings guide us. They give us a navigational tool to perform actions and change our circumstances.

You may not be a strong, confident person but feeling fear when challenging your manager is a normal emotion; it’s allowed to be there. In fact, it’s supposed to be there.

We’re uncomfortable because we’re doing something we’re not used to or something that could go wrong. And that’s okay. Our life history has taught our bodies to react this way.

Take a moment to acknowledge the fear. Your body is just uncomfortable because you’re stretching slightly outside your comfort zone.

Instead of forcing down the unwanted emotion and point-blank lying to yourself that “you’re fine — you’re fine” and low key traumatizing yourself into taking the action because you “affirmed it”. Acknowledge, assess and take action accordingly.

It’s not all bad though

How we speak to ourselves is hugely important. With an estimated 70% of our internal monologue believed to be negative; do we really need the good things to be lies? How can we trust ourselves when incessantly telling ourselves something we know we don’t believe?

Swapping to a kinder monologue and taking actions that align with what we believe can be a gentler way of moving away from the negativity we don’t want.

Pushing yourself outside your comfort zone is how you grow.

But don’t lie. Our body and mind know the difference, starts to trust itself less and can compound the bloody problem.

So yes. Click to confirm you’ve read the terms and conditions if you feel so inclined. Tell the stranger at the bar you have a boyfriend but don’t lie to yourself.

Give yourself the time and space to grow and expand (because the reality is one day (after you’ve put in the work) you’ll wake up confident and it won’t be because you’ve said it to yourself on rote 1,000 times a day.