And Just Like That…The Housewife Became the Feminist

Who knew Charlotte York Goldenblatt is the feminist voice we all needed?

“I’m a Carrie.”

“I’m a Miranda.”

“I’m sometimes Carrie and sometimes Samantha.”

Any woman who has watched the iconic series Sex and the City has at one point or another compared herself to one of the four female leads.

I’m guilty of doing it myself (and in case you’re wondering, I’m a Carrie/Miranda combo).

But there is no way that I can relate to Charlotte. Many women can’t.

Charlotte is not relatable

If you were a fan of Sex and the City, or like me, had a love/hate relationship with the show, you are likely now watching the revival of the original series, And Just Like That.

And Just Like That certainly has its flaws. The characters are living these fantasy lives that are even less relatable than in the original series. And there is no character less relatable than…you guessed it, Charlotte.

For those of you who haven’t watched either of the series, let me explain.

Charlotte was a wealthy housewife in the original series. She divorced her wealthy husband, got his penthouse in the settlement, then married another wealthy husband and had two children.

In And Just Like That, Charlotte continues to live her affluent lifestyle, spending her days lunching with the ladies, involving herself with the PTA, and styling her two children’s wardrobes.

In one of the episodes, Charlotte’s biggest problem of the moment is that her daughter Lilly sold the designer clothes Charlotte got her to buy herself a keyboard. Like I said, not relatable.

But in the finale of season 2, something happens. Charlotte has a real moment, one most women can empathize with. And just like that (see what I did there?), Charlotte becomes the most relatable character in the series.

How?

Charlotte might actually be every woman

Let me give you the backstory.

Charlotte went back to work after roughly two decades out of the work force.

For anyone who watched the original series, you probably remember the episode where Charlotte quits her job at the gallery to start a family with wealthy husband #1, aka Trey.

I was angry at this episode. This was a show that was supposed to empower women. It was supposed to be about four women living independently in New York City. Why would one of the main characters give up her career?

Here we are in 2023 and Charlotte has decided to go back to work and has, in the process, rediscovered herself.

In what is possibly one of the best scenes in the series, her husband Harry complains about having to take on too much of the domestic load when she returns to work, yelling, “I can’t do it all, Charlotte!”

And this was her response:

“You are not doing it all. I know, because you made a few breakfasts and you ran a few errands that it feels like you are. But in fact, you’re doing the bare minimum of what I and other women have been asked — no — expected to do around the house for years and years and years. And now I am asking — no — expecting you to help me with part of it, not all of it.”

What can we do?

I know this is a lot of talk about Charlotte and fictitious characters we don’t care that much about.

But this isn’t about Charlotte.

This is about every woman who has been in a partnership with a man and has taken on more than an equal amount of domestic work.

According to time-use data provided by the U.S. Department of Labor, women are still doing about twice as much domestic labor as men.

Ask any woman living with a male partner and she will confirm this. No matter how progressive or woke we think we are, women are still taking on the bulk of these duties. Even myself.

There’s a reason this moment spoke to me. I actually surprised myself when I watched this scene and said, “Maybe I am a Charlotte.”

This is a conversation I have had with my husband. To be clear, my husband does not expect me to be a traditional wife; we wouldn’t be married if he did.

He pulls his weight around the house. Yet I still feel like I’m doing the majority of what is considered domestic labor — cleaning, running errands, and taking care of the dog.

We recently got into a huge argument over cleaning. I wanted him to share the work load and said, “I feel like most of the work falls on me.” To which he responded, “Because I feel like I won’t do it right.”

Ladies, step back and let your man step up

My husband had a point. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe women are as much at fault as men are. Okay, hear me out.

Maybe my husband doesn’t think he’ll do it right because I’ve taken on this job of cleaning without letting him do it. And when he does, I’m correcting him. Or, should I say, “womansplaining” him?

So ladies, it’s up to us as much as it is up to the men to have a more fair division of labor. We don’t have to “do it all.” And we shouldn’t.

As much as men need to step up when it comes to domestic labor, women need to step down. Let them do it. Don’t correct them. Let them mess up.

In the same way that women are underestimated in the workplace, men are underestimated at home.

If my husband loads the dishwasher incorrectly, l’ll let him do it and figure it out. If he puts the groceries in the wrong place, fine. At least he’s putting them away.

Women have become so conditioned to take over the housework that even when men try to do it, we micromanage them, dictating the way it should be done. If we want to share the labor, we need to just stop doing it.

I know, crazy, right? How can we let go of control of the way household chores are done? We can and we should.

How many times have you been to a party and all the ladies congregate in the kitchen, helping out the host, while the men hang out in the living room?

I dare you to challenge this norm. Next time you see this happen, ladies, hang out with the guys in the living room. And guys, go to the kitchen. See what you can help with. Shake things up a bit.

We’re blaming men for not taking part in domestic labor when really we should be blaming the societal norms that have dictated this.

I’m not saying that men have a pass to not do their fair share around the house, but if they’re not pulling their weight 50/50 maybe it’s just how our culture has set us up.

But this culture needs to change. If someone as traditional and prim and proper like Charlotte has reached her breaking point, then we’re all past our breaking point. Every woman is done with this.

So what’s the solution? Be a Charlotte and speak up. Then let your man do the work. Don’t correct him. Don’t “womansplain.” Just let him do it.

Who knew Charlotte could spark such a conversation amongst women? Yet here we are. Turns out we are all a little bit Charlotte.