And I’m More Alive Than Ever

This morning, I have painted my nails black in defiance. I am dressing in mourning. It has been two days already since they found the deer in the garden, so the air is thick with death. I try to push out a smile as if to say “thank you” for having given me the gift of being able to appreciate just how wonderful it is to live just how wondrous it is to be alive, just how tremendous it is for one tiny creature like myself go through life taking everything at arm’s length — knowing that no matter how close I might get, there would always be something beyond my reach — and yet still seeing what I can get. and it’s strange but even though no one is out here watching and there isn’t anyone here but myself I find myself still trying to hold on to grace as if the world was looking. everyone is gone, either already won by the silvery eye– or crying or broken dreams. and yet and yet I still believe that there is something out there. I try to push out a smile as if to say “thank you.” I try to push out a smile as if to say “thank you.”
