…And Breathe
Remember everything and breathe.
…And Breathe
Remember all the times before,
That you felt lost and lonely,
That you didn’t know if you’d make it,
Remember the child,
Left out, bullied, belittled,
Unprotected in the places that should be safe,
You lived,
You made it through,
Through to the next test,
You thought the world was going to end,
Nuclear nightmares,
Teenage angst and unremembered trauma,
Exacerbated by cold war school films,
If you hear the siren hide under your desk,
Years of terror, never sleeping,
Secret eating, never weeping,
Sowing the seeds of self-medication,
So tired, never dreaming,
Lucid naps, exhausted afternoon slumber,
But you made it through,
To the next test,
Young adult, alone in the world,
Always alone in spite of the numbers,
No comfort, no camaraderie, no care,
Left to tread, always going under,
Never enough room in the life-boat for you,
Alcohol and pills the only port in the storm,
Self-administered cold comfort,
Until one day a friend said the word therapy,
And everything changed,
And you made it through,
To the next test,
You scraped and scrounged,
The bottom of your soul and your meager bank account,
You paid to repair your soul,
You did it,
You went every week,
Even when you thought the truth would destroy you,
Weeping in bathrooms after sessions,
Unable to stop the flow,
The pain almost too much to bear,
But you got through,
To the next test,
You rebuilt,
From those ashes,
You found something to love,
You found yourself,
You created this person,
From shards of the broken child,
Destroyed before she’d had a chance to live,
You found the pieces of her,
Hiding in you,
And stitched her back together, Piece,
By,
Agonizing,
Piece,
And little,
By little,
Began to build,
A life to call your own,
Excavated from the wreckage,
You saved yourself and grew,
Into something new,
Better,
Stronger,
Wiser,
Even more resilient,
And that person started a new life,
And was born to live,
And get through,
To the next test,
Love,
To love and be loved,
To live and find happiness,
To accept comfort and learn to comfort,
To have what everybody else has,
To live an everyday, unremarkable life,
Remarkable only in its happiness and contentment,
To get through to the next test,
Always another test,
Always another challenge,
Always another grief,
Always another rage,
Always another disappointment,
Always another question,
So, I say to that child,
The one inside myself,
Whose come so far,
And overcome so much,
When she’s feeling again,
Like the bottom will drop out,
Like the end is near,
Like the sand is shifting,
And the storm is brewing,
Breathe my child.
Just breathe.
Thanks for reading!
Also, don’t forget to check out more great writers on Illumination. Or better yet, share your voice, experience, and wisdom and come on board as a writer, you’re always welcome at Illumination!
If you’d like to read more articles by me, please check these out:
If you want to be a writer but don’t know where to start? Check out my book on Amazon: How To Be Wise AF: A 30-day journalling adventure to your inner Guru to help you get started. Using articles with special prompts, you’ll write 30 pieces of your own in 30 days — a whole self-help book, and be well on your way to doing exactly what I’m doing here on Medium!