An Unexpected Fringe Benefit that Human Resources Didn’t Tell Me About

When treasured friends are found in unexpected places

My new job with the City began with all the expected Human Resources hoopla. What they didn’t explain to me that day is that the most prized fringe benefit was not listed in the manual. And it would be with me for the rest of my life.

The fringe benefit I received from this particular employer is named Becky. But, I call her Friend.

The story started back around 1991. I got a new job at the library and loved every minute of it. Until the city’s budget cuts brought that job to a crashing halt. Fortunately for me, they liked me and wanted to keep me. So, after a quick interview with the Planning Department, I had a new daily destination.

The job of training me fell to the full time lady at the counter, Becky. Oh, the poor thing. I remember one of the first tasks she had to get me going with. She handed me a floppy disc (back in the days when a floppy disc was truly that — a 5”, black, non-rigid square) and said, “Go ahead and turn on the computer.”

My dazed expression was accompanied by bewildered words. “Uh…how do you turn it on?”

Luckily, she bore with me. She didn’t run away in despair. Nor did she pull out any hair (that I know of, anyway). And, she gradually got me trained. One day at a time. One question at a time.

There were two words I had to describe Becky at the time.

Professional.

And, pigs.

Pigs, oh, lordy, did that gal have pigs. Lining her desk, across the bookcase, anywhere there was an open space. As the months passed, more pigs joined the burgeoning collection, threatening to overtake the area behind the counter. And although, over 30-years later, she doesn’t collect pigs any longer, other coworkers that have remained friends with her still fondly remember the days when customers would return to the department, bringing Becky another pig.

Of the two words, professional is the word that defined Becky then…and now. She was always a courteous and professional employee. She was forthright and as co-workers we always knew where we stood with her. She never allowed anyone to treat her without the same respect she gave them. But she always conducted business in a consistently professional manner. She did what she could to accommodate our customers — the citizens of the city — while remaining firm on issues that we couldn’t waiver from.

Which is why one afternoon she about knocked my socks clean off. She was involved in a project when a gentleman approached the counter. I jumped up to see what he needed help with, holding my breath, hoping I’d be able to give all the right answers.

Becky rose from her chair — and I swear she swiveled her hips all the way to the counter — and slid in beside me. “That’s okay. I’ve got this one,” she told me.

Then, she proceeded to lean in over the counter, give the guy a big wink and said in a low, sultry voice, “What can I help you with, big guy?” She then proceeded to flirt outrageously with him!

Or, something along those lines. After all, it’s been over thirty years ago, and I’ve slept since then.

I was stunned. This woman — the married woman, might I add — the icon of professional, was behaving like a little trollop! Right in front of me.

She didn’t let me suffer for too long. She introduced to me Herlin, her husband, and I think I finally closed my gaping mouth.

A few weeks later, the entire staff, some with their significant others, met at the boss’s house for dinner. It was a preparatory meeting for a team building session. All city departments were scheduled to go through this process over the next several weeks.

At one point we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves. Seating wasn’t adequate for the group that was gathered, so Becky was perched on her husband’s knee. When it was her turn, she said, “I’m Becky, and this is my best friend in the world, my husband, Herlin. We’ve been married eighteen years.”

I sat over in the corner, trying not to cough, sputter and choke.

Get real! I’ve been married twelve years and I’m miserable. Best friends? At eighteen years? Yeah…right!

That was the biggest load of baloney I’d heard for a long time.

Except…it turned out to be true.

Eventually the months passed and Becky and I became friends instead of just co-workers. When I received a promotion to a full time position in another department, we started having regular lunches together to chat and chat up on life.

I learned that Becky only uttered the truth. She did not lie. She did not prevaricate. And that statement about her husband being her best friend? Those words were true then. And, as they’ve celebrated over 45-years together, that statement is even truer now than it was then.

Becky’s taught me many things through our years of friendship. Not intentionally so. It’s only been through me watching someone that lives an authentic and honest life. I’ve learned to admire her forthrightness and appreciate always knowing exactly where I stand with someone. I’ve tried to incorporate more of this in my own life, replacing the beat-around-the-bush syndrome that I tend to fall back on.

Becky and Herlin are my mentors to emulate for relationships. What they have is a working — and loving — example of what a great marriage is.

They stayed strong together, even after the death of the sweet daughter, Sarah, from unexpected complications following a minor automobile accident. A loss like this devastates and ends up dissolving many less happy unions. The two of them emerged from the cocoon of grief as a stronger unit than ever before. While acknowledging that their sorrow will forever be a part of their lives, they continue on, looking towards the future and celebrating all the small moments that fill their days.

The closeness that Becky has with their younger daughter, Patty, now a young woman as the years have passed, is evidence of the priority Becky places on family. Patty and her beloved Gary, share many happy times with their parents.

During the dark days following Sarah’s death, I tried to be there for Becky, even through the moments where I didn’t quite know what to say or do. Several years later, when my second husband and I lost my stepson to cancer, Becky was right there by my side, a beacon in a sea of confusion. Unfortunately, from her own devastating experience, she knew just what to say and do.

Now, many miles separate us, since I made a move to Texas fifteen years ago. Yet, our friendship remains just as strong and unshakeable today as it has been through the years. When I’m able to make trips back to California (not near often enough for my liking), we get together and it’s as if no time at all has passed. We talk. We laugh. We giggle. We cry. It’s as if only a week has gone by since we’ve seen one another.

For just as important as family is to Becky, so are her friends. And I continue learning from my friend, loving and cherishing her, as the days tick by, one by one.

To this day I thank the City for the most precious fringe benefit of all, one more important than the City PERS (retirement) options. This is the one they didn’t mention in the interviewing rounds — that I’d gain a mentor in life and a treasured friend forever.

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