An open letter to the lady at the gym who appears to have forgotten her clothes
Dear lady at the gym,
I think you’ve forgotten to put your clothes on.
Maybe you packed your bag in a hurry and left your top and trousers at home. I get it, you don’t want to miss your gym session just because you forgot your clothes.
But then, I saw you looking like this yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, so maybe you’re really, really forgetful, or maybe this is just what you’re choosing to wear? Or not wear, to be precise.
You look great, there’s no denying that.
I’m not generally attracted to women, but you sure do look hot. I appreciate the show, I really do. And I’m definitely jealous. I wish my body looked like yours, so you’ve definitely won when it comes to the beauty competition, no contest.
I’m not sure if you realise this, but you don’t just look hot.
You look kind of sweaty, too.
Really sweaty, actually. All those squats in front of the mirror have really done a number on you.
Now you’re literally dripping in sweat.
We’re in the gym, so that’s a good place to be dripping in sweat, but that’s where clothes come in quite handy — to soak up the sweat.
So now I can see exactly which machines you’ve been using because there is a pool of liquid by the treadmill, and then beads of sweat all the way across the floor to the dumbbells and a nice wet patch on the leg press.
It’s ok, everyone sweats in the gym, or at least they do when they go there to work out and not just to look at themselves in the mirror, but it’s kind of courtesy to wipe up your sweat afterward.
They even have those anti-bac spray bottles and a load of paper towels to do it these days. The more environmentally ethical bring their own towel to do the job, but I’m not fussy.
If you’re not wearing a shirt or a pair of shorts or trousers, then you’re going to need to do a whole lot more wiping.
I know the paper towel doesn’t match the colour of your outfit, but maybe, for the sake of the rest of us, you could just give it a try?
Thanks,
Elena.
P.S. I didn’t realise camel toes were back in fashion.