An Open Letter to the Incel Community

I’m going to give you some truth, but you’re not going to like it

Dear Incels,

I’m here to help, but you’re not going to like it. What I’m about to tell you is going to hurt. It’s going to make you angry, and you’re probably going to think I’m an asshole for saying it. That’s OK. You need to hear it, and I’m not going to be gentle.

But I want you to know that I want you to be happy. I hate seeing you miserable. I want you to get everything you’ve ever wanted. And I’m going to show you a pathway to get there, but again, you’re not going to like it — because it’s hard, but more importantly, because it’s true.

If I can get through to just one person today… If I could just get you to look at things a little differently…. If I could just show you that you have the power…

With all that said, let’s get started.

First of all, FUCK YOU.

Yes, you read that right. Fuck. You.

Fuck you for thinking this is the answer. Fuck you for your intellectual dishonesty. Fuck you for your laziness. Fuck you for not taking responsibility. Fuck you for giving up. Fuck you for not seeking the truth. Fuck you for blaming everyone else. Fuck you for dehumanizing people. Fuck you for your misogyny. Fuck you for your flawed logic. Fuck you for your misdirected hatred.

And most importantly, fuck you for destroying what you could be and for taking that person away from us.

Answer me two questions.

1. Are you happy? Nevermind. We already know the answer to that one.
2. Do you want to be happy?

If you’re willing to listen, I’m going to show you where things went wrong.

It wasn’t your fault. At least it didn’t start out that way.

You were born into a nightmare. It wasn’t a level playing field. You were ill-equipped, and no one was there to guide you. You never stood a chance.

Your parents either didn’t notice or didn’t care. You were neglected.

School was a disaster. You were the last one picked for anything. People treated you differently. You didn’t matter. You were not an equal.

Girls just didn’t look at you the way they did those other guys.

Party? What party? You weren’t invited to any parties. But everyone else was.

While they were socializing and learning how to get good at meeting the opposite sex, problems were compounding for you. Not only did you not stand a chance, you had no way to learn how to fix it. It got worse and worse.

Everyone else was too busy getting theirs to help. “Fuck you, I got mine.” That sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Yeah, the world’s great for those who get what they need. For everyone else, too fucking bad.

Those dudes who have it don’t even have to try — girls throw themselves at them. To the victors go the spoils, and they didn’t have to do anything but show up.

Your friends… What friends? Either they were too busy to notice, or they were also socially inept, and commiserated with you as you hated everyone else.

So that’s how it started.

You reasoned there must simply be something wrong with you. Yeah. That’s why girls don’t like you.

You’re too short. Too fat. Too ugly. Too poor. Too weird. Too nice.

Not like those other assholes. The ones who get all the girls and didn’t even have to try. And you’re left with… “Oh, you’re such a nice person. One day you’ll find somebody. Just… not me.”

And that’s. Just. The. Way. It. Is.

Stop right there. That’s where you went wrong. That was the fatal assumption.

You believed that there was nothing you could do about it.

And that set you on the wrong path, from which you have never recovered.

You came to the conclusion that some guys have it, and some guys don’t, and since you’re one that doesn’t have it, and nothing is going to change it, then the world is set against you, and you will never live a happy life.

That was your logic. And since you are a “have not”, the bad guys are the “haves” and the women who deny themselves to you, right?

If that’s the case, you’ve already gone too far down the wrong path. Now it’s just a pity party. Which gets you nothing.

There are poorer, shorter, uglier, dumber, weirder, and more fucked up people than you that have tremendous success with women. And if you’ve never seen this happen, you need to open up your eyes. Because it’s there right in front of you. And it’s happening all the time.

So let’s back up a moment. Let’s challenge the construct.

Specifically, let’s question the idea that “some have it, some don’t, and nothing will ever change it.”

It is true that there are physical characteristics we can never change. We’ll never get taller. We won’t get better looking. We’ll probably never become the school sports legend.

The problem is assuming that any of that shit actually matters.

On the surface, it seems like it does. Those dudes who have it don’t even have to try — girls throw themselves at them. To the victors go the spoils, and they didn’t have to do anything but show up.

But it’s not to say that just because you don’t have these “alpha” genes, you can never be successful.

Would it be true to say that people shorter than you have never been successful with women? Would it be true to say that people uglier than you could never attract a gorgeous woman? What about a person poorer than you?

You and I both know that none of that’s true. There are poorer, shorter, uglier, dumber, weirder, and more fucked up people than you that have tremendous success with women. And if you’ve never seen this happen, you need to open up your eyes. Because it’s there right in front of you. And it’s happening all the time.

And it IS the truth. And so everything you’ve believed about what is and isn’t possible — is simply untrue.

There must be something else then. Something you DO have control over, that matters far more.

So there it is. Your basic premise is wrong. And everything that follows this flawed logic is also wrong. You’ve been going down the wrong path, and you have nobody to blame for that but yourself.

But you already know all this. You DO see it — you’re just trying really hard NOT to see it. Because you know that would destroy this whole straw man. You already know the truth. That the only way you can fix this is to take responsibility for your life. And that’s hard.

So you can do one of two things with this. You can either hold on to your victimhood, or you can realize that you have the ability to get what you want, once you learn how.

Only one of these choices can result in you getting what you want. If you choose victimhood, you’ll have a lot of excuses, plenty of people to blame, and a whole lot of hurt and anger. But as long as you go down that path, you will never be happy.

You can have one or the other. But not both.

So ask yourself right now what it is that you really want.

“But I tried. I went for help. None of that helped.”

Bullshit. Bull fucking shit. You didn’t try.

Here’s what you did. You joined a seduction community. You found pickup artists giving lousy advice online. Or you paid for a pickup coach.

You heard about some magic bullet. Some pickup line that will instantly have her eating out of the palm of your hand.

You went out one night and tried it. It fell flat. You walked away feeling even worse about yourself.

You didn’t try. You took the path of least resistance. You took some bad advice from somebody who makes up shit on the internet. What did you think was going to happen?

What, you think you can make the excuse that you tried, and since it didn’t work, you are justified in your fucked up ideology?

Really? You actually believe that?

Let me deconstruct it for you.

I want to show you something I’ve never shown anybody before.

You see, I was there. All the way back in 2002. I know all of them. Mystery, Papa, Style, Tyler…

It’s a long story, but I was there. Some friends of mine were friends with them. I met them all. You should read the book. I witnessed a lot of it. I’ve been to Project Hollywood (the old Rat Pack mansion off Sunset). I was out at Saddle Ranch, watching Mystery do his thing. I’ve been to the parties.

Look, I’ve known these guys for nearly two decades. Some of them are actually some pretty solid folks. Some of them are completely fucked up, and always will be.

And nobody wants me to tell you that all the pickup artists are selling a product. And they’re making a lot of money. They can get a dozen people to pay several thousand dollars each for a weekend of instruction, every single weekend. You do the math.

The thing is, none of this is going to help you. It might sound really good, and they tell some great stories, but it’s useless.

It’s useless because it doesn’t fix the problem.

The problem is that your life is broken. You need to discover who you are and be the man she needs you to be.

You need to get your shit together.

You need to become a person of character. You need to know how to communicate. You need to be a person of decisive action, and a person who inspires others. You need to be a leader. You need to understand how attraction works. You need to learn how to love someone. And you need to learn how to love yourself. A lot.

And you need to stop with the misogynistic shit. Right the fuck now. Women aren’t numbers. They’re not conquests. You need to treat them with respect. You won’t deserve the love of a woman until you do so. Stop being an asshole. Be a real man.

You can learn all of this. You can become. But not from a book. Not from some self-proclaimed pickup artist. Because they’re not going to teach you what you really need. And if you don’t learn this, nothing else will matter.

You’ll learn from actually getting out there and putting in the work on yourself. It’s not going to be easy, and it’s going to take a long time. And you’re going to discover a lot of painful truths you weren’t expecting. But when you’re ready for it, you’ll discover who you are, and you’ll fall in love with yourself.

Look, there’s something else you should know. There’s another reason I’m telling you this. I went to school at UC Santa Barbara. Years later, that beautiful place was shattered by a tragedy which could have been prevented. A young man gave up on himself, developed a misguided and fucked up belief system and carried out a murder spree. It didn’t have to happen. If only somebody could have reached him.

If I can get through to just one person today… If I could just get you to look at things a little differently…. If I could just show you that you have the power…

I want you to know I am rooting for you, and I very much want to see you find happiness. But you need to stop with this incel shit and know you can be the person you really want to be.

It’s a choice you need to make for yourself. I really hope you choose to be the type of person you’d want to be with.