An Open Letter to the Galactic Human Federation

We don’t trust you

Dear Galactic Human Federation,

Get over your pretensions. You are just as evil as the former Galactic Human Empire, and you know it. Everyone knows it. The Andromedeans know it, the Centaurians know it, the citizens of Regulus know it. Heck, even the little grey/green inhabitants of Zeta-Reticuli know it.

You are the Galactic Human Empire. Go ahead, rip off the band-aid. You’re not fooling anyone. Recall how you captured and enslaved the oceanic residences of Europa, the watery moon of Jupiter? You put their sentient majestic residences into aquatic cages on the Earth. You subject them to ritualistic torture, forcing them to perform tricks for your young entitled human sprigs. These are hardly the actions of a noble Federation.

You are just as ignorant and entitled as you were in those ancient days when you honesty called yourselves the Galactic Human Empire. No amount of lipstick is going to beautify that pig. It’s not just semantics. Words have meaning.

Heck, the vast majority of the human race on your home world doesn’t even know the far-flung reaches of your so called “Federation.” They are not fully informed of your shenanigans. How can they live free when you keep them in the dark? How is the rest of the sentient universe supposed to trust you?

Many species of this universe have become immune to your propaganda. They have longer lives and even longer memories. They aren’t about to fall for your dog and pony show. . . again. Sure, you may have fooled the Paladians into thinking you’ve reformed, but they’re not a very bright bunch.

Even the little grey/green men of Zeta-Reticuli are keeping their distance from you, and rightly so. They pop in, grab the bovine DNA vital to their research, then zip right on out. They don’t dare approach your larger settlements for fear of capture or retaliation. As gullible as they are, even they aren’t buying this “federation” line of bull crap.

Don’t go feigning ignorance. Don’t try to flash those seemingly innocent puppy dog eyes. We recall the last time the human race was allowed to “explore” the galaxy, the last time you were allowed to leave the Earth. Many of us still sport the wounds from your “exploration.”

To boldly go where no man has gone before, my ass. We know you use exploration as a ruse to expand the influence of your empire. Your presence is intimidating. Most life forms in the galaxy are timid and naively trusting. You traumatized half the galaxy, leaving them with emotional scars that have taken generations for many loving species to recover from.

You know we have a weak spot when it comes to making humans happy. We can’t help it. Those broad and bright smiles that cross your face when you watch us perform magic tricks for you are just too precious. If you are let out of your Earthly prison, I fear we all may find ourselves shopping at Old Navy stores on Orion, catching the latest Hollywood flick on Cygnus, and God forbid, eating McDonald’s hamburgers on Romulus.

It’s a slippery slope with you humans. One day the universe is full of peaceful vegan entities singing kumbaya, then the next day it’s bloody intergalactic warfare. I don’t know how you do it. But my species and many others still remember, and we swear we swear will never fall for your tricks again.

Sincerely,

A vocal minority of the enlightened sentient universe