An Open Letter to People Who Shorten Names

The power and importance of names

Dear Name Shorteners,

My name is Christopher, not Chris or “C”. Nor, as the postal service likes to abbreviate it, Christoph.

WTF?

I know it’s really hard to cram those two extra syllables in there. What the heck is “to-pher” anyway? Depending on how you pronounce it, it either sounds like redneck slang for “two things” or a very specific foot fetish.

Chris is so easy, just slips right off the tongue.

It’s a golden name really, made for kings, superheroes, and movie stars. Christopher, though, ugh — come on — such multi-lettered mullarkey.

Such long-lettered snobbishness.

How dare I take a name so expansive and obtrusive to your vocabulary. The gall of my parents. Those six extra letters make it laborious.

Besides, I know that you are so overflowing with brilliance that to exert the energy necessary to say my full name is borderline sinful.

I mean, with all the extra oxygen and mouth noises that you save, you could be curing cancer or extrapolating on the intricacies of your latest astrological discovery.

I’m probably being a bit harsh.

You probably know a Chris or two already. It’s a name you use. It’s familiar in the way your regular order at Starbucks is familiar, a “comfort name.”

Why go through the trouble of hardwiring another name in there so similar to the one you already know?

I can sort of get why you might go with Chris.

Nothing wrong with that name. Only, and hear me out here, it’s not my name. It’s not how I introduce myself or sign my emails. And, even if I did call myself Chris a time or two (guilty as charged), wouldn’t you want to use the name I prefer?

Oh, I really appreciate the kind souls who ask my name preference. They have a special place in my heart for sure.

I don’t understand “C”.

It’s a lazy nickname that dissolves my identity down to a generic letter. Yeah, there are a lot of Christophers in the world. Heck, there are more than one Christopher Kokoski (spoiler: that’s my full name) on Facebook and quite a few names that come oddly close to my full name.

One of my “name twins” even looks like he might be a professional hitman.

Better get his name right. Or, you know, pew pew pew.

It’s not just me though.

This open letter is for all the Katherines that become Kathy, all the Matthews that you call Matt, all the Carolines that you rename Carol.

Every single one of us has an actual name.

On behalf of all of us, would you please show us the basic level of respect by calling us the name that we prefer?

Names matter. Some say our names affect the careers we choose, the money we make, our grades, and even our choice of life partners.

I don’t know about all of that, but what I know is that I don’t call a chair a car or an airplane a tree. Why?

Because that’s not their name.

According to scarymommy.com (Yeah that’s where I get all of my scientific advice), shortening someone’s name is like kissing someone you barely know.

Why would you assume a level of intimacy that you haven’t earned? Why would you throw around nicknames when we hardly know each other?

The way I see it is, if we don’t brush our teeth together sometimes, you have no right to give me a nickname.

And no, this is not an invitation for you to come over to brush your teeth with me.

I know, I know.

In middle school, I hated my full name and I wanted people to call me Chris. Why?

Because some kids are assholes and they taunted me by calling me Christopher Columbus.

Not very creative, but effective.

So I went by Chris for a long time. Not because I didn’t like my name, but because I associated it with bullying and pain.

Once I got older, I stopped caring so much about what other people thought of me. So I went back to using my full name, which is my preference. When you call me by my shortened name of Chris it reminds me of the pain I felt as a kid. I know I’m not alone on this point.

My preference for my full name is not only because it’s my given name and I like it, but also because it’s a symbol of my maturity and personal growth.

In short, my name is me.

Maybe you just need to hear it from more than one person. Maybe you need to hear the importance of names from someone important.

One of my favorite quotes about names comes from Maya Angelou:

Words are things. You must be careful, careful about calling people out of their names, using racial pejoratives and sexual pejoratives and all that ignorance. Don’t do that. Some day we’ll be able to measure the power of words. I think they are things. They get on the walls. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs, in your upholstery, and your clothes, and finally in to you.

Careful, friend, the names you call me can become the words in me.

There’s actually a term for shortening someone’s name. It’s Hypocorism, and it sounds just as ugly as the behavior.

Although you’ll probably just call it “Hypo”.

Cheers,

Christopher

Post Scripts

Thanks for reading this letter. If you’re somebody that shortens people’s names, hopefully I didn’t step on your toes too terribly.

It really is an annoying habit, though, so for the love of God, please stop it.

I have annoying habits, too, so I get it. Change is hard. Apparently, so is saying somebody’s full name.

Say it anyway.