Summary

The author pens an open letter expressing deep affection and appreciation for their platonic male friendships, acknowledging the inevitable changes as both parties enter romantic relationships, and wishing them happiness from afar.

Abstract

In an open letter to her best guy friends, the author reflects on the unique and powerful nature of their platonic relationships. She reminisces about the effortless connection, shared experiences, and emotional support that characterized their university days. The author acknowledges the unspoken tension that arose when both she and her friends found romantic partners, leading to a shift in their dynamic to respect their new relationships. Despite the change, she cherishes the memories and the lessons learned about vulnerability, connection, and the possibility of deep friendships between men and women. She accepts the evolution of their friendship into a more distant but still meaningful bond, expressing her continued support and the bittersweet nature of their current connection.

Opinions

The author values the deep, soulmate-like connections formed in platonic friendships, likening them to the "imprinting" concept from the Twilight saga.
She believes that such friendships can be as significant and life-changing as romantic relationships, emphasizing the importance of emotional and intellectual openness.
The author is aware of the potential for romantic feelings to develop in cross-gender friendships and the need to navigate these feelings carefully.
She recognizes the fine line between friendship intimacy and romantic intimacy and the importance of respecting romantic relationships by adjusting the level of intimacy in friendships.
The author misses the depth of their past interactions but is content knowing that preserving their romantic relationships takes precedence.
She views the transition to a more distant friendship as a selfless act of care for each other's committed relationships.
The author considers the enduring presence of these friendships in her life, despite the physical and emotional distance, as a testament to their strength and significance.

An Open Letter to My Best Guy Friend

I missed you, but I sincerely wish you a lifetime of happiness from afar

Dear Best Guy Friend,

Before all of you argue as to who is the intended recipient of this letter, it is addressed to all of you because I have several close platonic friendships with guys (which all of you probably already know anyway). For the sake of brevity, all of you belong to the Best Guy Friend club.

Welcome, have a seat. With that settled, let’s talk the way we used to. It has been a while.

I have always marveled at the power and seemingly magical quality of close platonic friendships. We click with some particularly well and easily, while no matter how hard we try with others, something would still feel off.

It reminds me of the Twilight saga term “imprint”, described by Twilight Saga Wiki as an “involuntary mechanism by which Quileute shape-shifters find their soulmates”. Emphasis on involuntary.

Of course, the imprinting phenomenon is a deep, romantic term in the Twilight saga, but my point was that we clicked very early on and that connection is still going strong, albeit in a different form.

We used to weave deep, silly, and day-to-day conversations effortlessly with the hustle and bustle of university life. We traveled together with other friends, and could not care less if we acted silly or slept uglily in front of each other. We coped with stress by completing assignments together until the wee hours in the morning, looking after each other as we took turns for table naps.

People around us were shipping us, but we knew better: our platonic friendship meant we could share our deepest thoughts without compromising them for a romantic relationship that could end in an ugly breakup.

As I enjoyed our friendship immensely, I too became increasingly aware of the possibility that our friendship had an unspoken expiry date.

Perhaps you would remember me raising this for discussion on over one occasion: what would happen when both of us are coupled up? Could we still share as vulnerably without our partners envying our level of emotional and intellectual openness?

Often, we left the question unanswered. First, because finding a partner seemed unlikely at the time; second, maybe because we knew the answer all along but refused to acknowledge it.

If I was honest, the third option was that in different seasons of our friendship, there was just the slightest possibility that we might fall for each other, and this question would then be void forever.

Then, just as magical as our friendship bloomed, it crashed.

First, by you announcing that you had found the love of your life, and then followed by mine.

It was more a steady decline than a crash, but it changed the dynamics of our friendship. What was once shared between two best friends turned into conversations that we were afraid to approach in case it ventured into “emotional cheating” territory.

Where is the line drawn between romantic and friendship intimacy? I realized it was a fine line, and for the sake of our romantic relationships, I let you go, and perhaps you did too.

We could no longer ask each other existential questions in the middle of the night or be that person’s proverbial shoulder to lean on when they were upset. The day-to-day conversations were siphoned off to our partners. That role belongs to another person now, and you know what? I am genuinely happy for us. After all those late nights talking about relationships we finally found the one.

But I am lying if I say I didn’t miss those moments that we spent together as best friends. I missed the times we could hang out together as two souls seeking a connection that transcends beyond friendship and romantic connection, with no strings attached. I missed how we had genuine fun going through that season of life together, knowing that someone would always look out for you and have your back.

Before meeting you, I had zilch experience with guys as I was from an all-girls school. You taught me that guys do not differ from girls, that deep down we are all the same beings yearning for love and connection. You showed me that guys can be vulnerable when you shared with me the deepest depths of your heart. Above all, you taught me that platonic friendship with the opposite sex is not only possible but powerful and life-changing.

Perhaps what I missed most was the connection built on the foundation of time, which sadly (but expectedly) crumbled away with distance and the reality of coupled life.

Despite this, I am not hurt, just as I know you are not. As mentioned in the second option earlier, we both knew this day would come. I am grateful enough that we are still in each other’s lives with social media.

Although we cannot communicate on that level anymore, I choose to remember the reason for this drift: we still care enough for each other by avoiding that level of intimacy with friends of the opposite sex to preserve our romantic relationships.

Younger me refused to see it then, but this is the best gift you can give to your best friend. The fourth, more realistic, option that we have not considered before: the gift of friendship from a distance, yet knowing that we will always be there for each other.

So I am writing this letter, hoping if someday you find it, you remember that our friendship was not a waste of time with the present outcome. In fact, quite the contrary: you will always have a friend in me, no matter how far life separated us or how long you have tucked me safely in the recesses of your mind.

Sincerely, always wishing you the best in life,

Lily