An Open Letter to My Baby Maker
A proper send-off before sterilization surgery to tie the tubes up tight.
Dear Reproductive System,
It’s been a long, exciting, and sometimes nail-biting ride but like a teenager that’s tapped into her second bottle of Boone’s Farm, I’m sorry to say that it’s time to cut you off. Before heading into surgery to shut down the sperm-worn roads of my reproductive system, I wanted to take a minute to properly acknowledge your contributions.
To my ovaries,
I want to say thank you for producing healthy, viable, single eggs each month with the precision of an expensive Swiss timepiece. Two of those lucky eggs (thankfully 36 cycles apart) met up with some fantastic swimming friends to create the finest baby boys a parent could dream to create.
And though you may continue to dutifully release those eggs out onto their yellow brick road to a new world, I’m afraid to say that henceforth, they will be met with a roadblock too perfectly engineered to subvert.
To my uterus,
It’s been an honor. I felt merely a bystander while you safely housed growing humans, growing to such an astonishing size over 40 awe-inspiring weeks, not once but twice. I was equally as dumbstruck at the speed in which you contracted back to fairly normal size in the weeks following the ejection of your inhabitants. I wish I could say the same for the flesh surrounding you.
Sweet circular cervix,
Thank you for opening up and giving egress to the wrinkly little beings that crashed through you on two pelvic-floor shattering occasions. It would have been nice if you’d been a bit more of a team player that first time around with dilation and all but who’s keeping score? You were a pinhole that became a turtle neck. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Finally, fallopian tubes,
Your smooth and straightforward path made it all possible. Without your easily navigable and wide open roads, those tiny balls of female DNA would never have partnered up with those microscopic tadpoles and I’d be sleeping in on Saturdays. You’re going under construction, never to be opened to traffic again.
We’ve been a remarkable team in this thing called creating life. Thanks for all the hard and noble work. Moving forward, I will rejoice in foot-loose and fancy-free sexual contact with my spouse, void of ovulation-imposed limitations. In the seven minutes we have to spare, we will let it rip and never ever again pee on a stick!
Hasta la vista,
The Rest of Me
This piece was published originally on my blog in 2016.
What are your thoughts on voluntarily going under to permanently prevent pregnancy? Kristina God Erin Hendriksen Sara Barnes Jacqueline Eager
Oh, hi. I’m Kristen and I am new here. You can read me at Kristen Sears Cudd.