An Open Letter To An Ex-Friend

I cut a friendship off that I loved so dearly.

Dear Ex-friend,

I know that you’re waiting for me to reach out, and you are hoping to reconnect with me. This time is different because I don’t want you back.

It was hard when I cut you off because you hold value in my life. You were the only one that I share my grief with. You knew my dark secrets and my embarrassing moments. You were there for me when I was heartbroken and when I was completely burnt out from work. You were there when I needed someone to comfort me, and most importantly, you were there when I needed a ride from work.

You saw me looking ugly while crying in my hideous outfits. You saw my struggles and successes. You have seen my flaws and imperfections. You have encouraged me and complimented me in everything I do. You validated me in every single achievement I’ve had. You supported me and cheered me up in everything I do, in academics, job hunting, relationship and self-worth.

But I still cut you off.

What you were to me was the same way I was to you. We both cheered, validated and supported each other through it all until I cut our friendship off.

You may seem a perfect friend that everyone wants to be friends with, but there were times that you were not real. I cut you off because I don’t want a perfect friend. I want a friend that would share craps with me. I need a friend who would share their imperfections, mistakes, anxieties, dumb decisions, and bad habits. The last time we talked, you said you were in bad shape. I needed to know what was going on with you because I was a “best friend,” right? I trusted you with everything, yet you couldn’t do the same with me. I wanted to help you out, but you didn’t tell me what you were going through, and you pushed me away. I thought to myself, what is this friendship for if he’s not sharing craps with me? That wasn’t the first time it happened.

Maybe you were not comfortable sharing everything with me the way I was comfortable sharing things with you. But we took an oath that we would be open and be there for each other no matter what. I shared everything with you that I was afraid to tell anyone.

It’s funny how you insisted that we should take the oath to be open and be there for each other, yet you’re the one who broke the promise.

I could have helped you out with anything that was bothering you, but you didn’t open up to me. It made me think that you didn’t trust me. Do you think I would judge you if you tell me your anxiety? If that’s so, I guess it’s better to cut this friendship off.

Maybe all this time, I was all wrong too. Perhaps you weren’t waiting for me to reach out. Perhaps you weren’t hoping and praying to God to reconnect with me. Maybe the reason why you didn’t tell me what you were going through was that you didn’t trust me at all. Perhaps I was the toxic one in our friendship because I am prideful. You knew everything about me, and you knew what kind of a person I am, my mistakes and flaws; I am not the kind of person that would judge you, and I hope you knew that.

I know you’re thinking that this is not a valid reason for cutting you off, but I’ve held on for too long, and I got tired of you. You are not a man of word. You would promise me to do something, but you didn’t. I trusted you so much, but you broke it. You broke my trust and the promise we both had. I’ve had many heartbreaks in my life, and I don’t let people cross the line. You crossed the line, so I cut you off.

Right now, I’m going to lower down my pride just a bit.

You still hold value in my life. I understand that you’re not perfect. I know that you weren’t ready to tell me what you were going through. I need you to know that I still respect you as my old friend. All secrets are kept private with me, and I would never spell them out. It’s hard to say this, but I am sorry for cutting you off; I miss you every day, but I will never speak with you ever again.

Sincerely,

Your Most Loving Ex-Friend