avatarKyle Chastain

Summary

The article provides a satirical overview of common Medium story archetypes, highlighting their formulaic nature and the types of reader engagement they typically generate.

Abstract

The author embarks on a humorous critique of the typical narratives found on Medium, categorizing them into distinct types such as listicles boasting the author's superiority, sob stories, cryptically titled think-pieces, personal essays, provocative headlines, attention-grabbing promises, opinion pieces laced with guilt, outrage-inducing articles, and a acknowledgment of the limited range of successful post types on the platform. The piece suggests that while Medium has a diverse array of writers, the content that thrives is often predictable and crafted to exploit certain reader reactions, from the appeal of easy self-improvement steps to the emotional pull of shared grievances or strong opinions.

Opinions

  • The author acknowledges the effectiveness of listicles, particularly those that self-aggrandize the author, despite a potential decrease in algorithm favorability.
  • Sob stories are noted for their consistent audience, with the author expressing mild frustration at the success of their own complaint-driven story.
  • Artsy, interpretive titles are seen as a niche that works well for celebrities or poets, but may confuse readers expecting a different subject matter.
  • Personal essays are described as deeply introspective pieces that may leave readers pondering yet also potentially overwhelmed by their depth.
  • Provocative headlines are a favorite of the author, who sees them as a successful strategy to engage readers, especially since Medium has reduced the prevalence of clickbait.
  • Headlines that create curiosity through vague promises are recognized as attention-grabbing and effective, though the author has consciously moved away from using them.
  • Opinion pieces on Medium often come with an implied moral judgment, suggesting that readers who disagree are somehow deficient.
  • Outrage posts are identified as a popular genre, though the author questions the healthiness of this trend for the Medium community.
  • The author notes the limited scope of successful content types on Medium, contrasting them with less popular formats like interviews or investigative pieces.

An Introduction to Every Medium Story Ever Written (Ever)

A roast

Photo by Aleksandra Sapozhnikova on Unsplash

“Notice: Persons attempting to find motive in the narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot will be shot.” — Mark Twain

Buckle up, kids. I’m about to take you on a rocket tour of every Medium post you’ve ever read.

The hard truth is that some types of posts work better here than others. I’ve been writing on the platform for four years now, so I’ve seen it all.

Before we start, you should know that I’ve written many of these types of posts myself. So don’t get offended if I offend you — you’re in good company.

Disclaimer: All titles in this post are made up by me. Any similarity to existing works is purely coincidental.

27 Reasons I’m Better than You

Everybody loves (or hates) a good listicle, right?

Back in the day they were the bread and butter of top Medium writers. And everyone especially loved the posts where the author laid out all the reasons he/she is super awesome.

“7 Steps to the Perfect Morning”

“3 Habits That Made Me a Millionaire”

Whoopty-do!

Look, people love reading these and (many) writers love writing them. They may not get as much love from the algorithm as they used to, but they aren’t disappearing anytime soon.

You Guys, My Life is Soooo Hard

Sob stories have always found an audience here. Maybe because writers are sad people? I hope not.

Anyway, we’ve all seen the “poor me” stories where folks go on and on about how unfair life is.

“My Third Grade Teacher Ruined My Life”

“The New Algorithm Cut My Income in Half”

Confession time. One of my most popular stories ever was a complainer… and I was kinda mad it performed so well. I didn’t want to be known for complaining as a writer. Turns out one story didn’t hurt.

It’s a heck of a lot easier to make money from misery than positivity.

Art

Then there are the stories with titles that need interpretation. Why? Because creativity.

You get a story with a headline like, “Targets,” that turns out to be about computer programming.

Wait, what? I thought I was going to read about Target, the store.

There are a couple places where these artsy posts work: if you’re a celebrity, or if you’re writing poetry.

Celebrities with a massive online following can get away with just about any kind of “essay” they want to “write.” And poetry is a totally different category where readers expect to feel moved and confused.

Sometimes I Think Thoughts

Now we’re getting into the personal essays, and boy, are they deep.

We’re talking eight to ten sentence paragraphs deep. Like, wall of text in your face deep.

“Life’s Missed Opportunities”

“The Secret Revealed in My Grandfather’s Dying Words”

You know it’s going to be deep before you even start reading.

In these posts, we do a lot of thinking, and a lot of wandering. But sometimes it’s hard to know where you’ve been when you get to the end.

Medium is about the only place online where you can monetize this kind of writing, so a good essay can do pretty well here.

Let Me Shock You With My Provocative Headline

“Happiness is Your Biggest Problem.”

“You Don’t Actually Need Friends.”

You know the drill. The headline is a statement, usually engineered to draw the reader’s attention and make them think, “What? I gotta click that!”

Confession: These are one of my favorite types of posts to write.

If you get good at writing these types of articles, you can get a lot of clicks and reads. I think they’ve become the go-to ever since Medium cracked down on clickbait headlines.

If you can’t bait them in to reading, then shock ‘em.

Do This to Get Your Reader’s Attention

You want to know what to do now, don’t you?

Using the words “this” and “that” in a headline can (sometimes) create curiosity. But it often comes off as an attention grabber.

“Billionaires Do This One Thing Every Morning”

What do they do?

“This is The Secret to Happiness According to Science”

What’s the secret?

I’m guilty as charged, although I don’t use these much anymore. Still, you’ll find them everywhere because they work.

OMG This Truth is So Obvious & You’re a Terrible Person if You Don’t Agree

In journalism, this is called an opinion piece. On Medium, you get an opinion with an extra side of guilt.

“Capitalism is America’s Evil Heritage”

“Minimum Wage Should be a Living Wage”

Um… okay?

What you’ll often find in posts like this is an underlying message: You’re a terrible person if you don’t agree with me.

Few things drive human behavior like the desire to look good in front of others. Hit ’em with the guilt trip and people will clap just to feel good about themselves.

Ugh… Outrage!

When I first started writing on Medium in 2020, outrage posts were all the rage.

That’s somewhat understandable, given everything the world was going through at the time. But some writers built their Medium career writing outrage pieces.

“America is the Worst!”

“College Debet Ruined My Life”

Outrage always sells, and this platform is no different. What would happen if Medium cracked down on these the way they did on “clickbait?”

It’d probably be a much happier place.

It Takes All Kinds (I Guess)

Look, Medium is full of talented writers who write all sorts of different posts. But there are only so many types of posts that work on this platform.

Why? Because they’re the posts people want to read.

That’s why you won’t find very many interviews, case studies, or in-depth reporting that get thousands of claps. Those must only be on Substack.

Anyway, now you know.

What other types of posts have you seen that are popular here?

Writing
Humor
Satire
Comedy
Medium
Recommended from ReadMedium