An Interview With Bridgerton’s Intimacy Coordinator

Lizzy Talbot explains what an intimacy coordinator does and how the role is revolutionizing the safety of simulated sex on screen.

I recently had the honor of interviewing Elizabeth “Lizzy” Talbot, an intimacy coordinator and intimacy director for both film and stage, respectively. Her latest project, Bridgerton, has taken the world by storm and is projected to become the 5th most-watched Netflix original series. Bridgerton’s highly talked about sex scenes have been on everyone’s mind, but the relatively new role of intimacy coordinator is still largely unknown outside of the industry.

Below is our conversation about her role, challenges, and triumphs.

Why did you make the career change from fight choreography to intimacy director?

What I noticed when working with fight work is that there are so many protocols, rules, and technicalities about what you can do with fights. It’s all quite formulaic. Whereas when you’re working with intimacy, it’s quite different because there weren’t really any rules. It was kind of like a free for all. And you were often resting on the good graces of your partner. That was your safety net. And that’s just not enough.

We had all this emphasis on safety in fight work because if something goes wrong in the fight world, you can see it. If someone gets a broken leg because people haven’t followed the protocols, it’s very obvious. Whereas with intimacy works, so much of the damage was hidden, you just couldn’t see it. [The damage] would manifest later that day, later that week, a month later, years later. The importance of it just wasn’t seen because it was invisible. And it just really got me thinking surely there’s a better way of doing this.

Can you describe what a typical day on set or rehearsal looks like for you?

We do a lot of work preproduction. We spend so much time in preproduction establishing protocols, establishing closure practices, establishing what we’re looking for in terms of consent, and establishing with actors what they are comfortable [with] and what they’re not comfortable [with]. We want to have all of that established before we get to set.

So really, on the day everyone knows what everyone is doing. Everyone knows what we’re wearing. We know what positioning we’re going to be in. Nothing should be a surprise on the day. That’s always my goal. I never want an actor to find out what their boundaries are in the moment because the chances are if that’s happening, it’s already too late, the boundaries are already being crossed.

Are you consulting on scenes with any type of intimacy or sexual tension, or are you only consulting on more explicit material?

I’ve been brought in for all sorts of things from a glove removal to a highly sexual tension argument to all sorts of sex scenes to sexual violence.

There’s a misconception [that intimacy] only has to be physical. And that’s not always the case. Even if it’s physical, it’s not always sexualized because you might have a scene with parent-child or brother-sister that needs the intimacy needs to be facilitated. Particularly if it’s parent-child and maybe that child has never met that actor until that day and yet they have to have a very non-sexualized but heavily intimate scene together.

When you’re creating an intimate scene, what’s your process?

It’s great to have a chat with the director and just be like, OK, so what’s your vision just overall? And then we often have a conversation with the actors and director, so that we are establishing this is what the director’s vision is and I’m here to help that vision. I’m here to help create that vision in the safest and most dynamic way possible.

I never want an actor to find out what their boundaries are in the moment because the chances are if that’s happening, it’s already too late, the boundaries are already being crossed.

Do you have exercises or warm-ups to help ease the tension or get actors more familiar with each other on a more intimate level?

I think a lot of that comes with your personality. Being open, warm, and inviting goes a really long way in creating that atmosphere. But it is really helpful to have little warm-up techniques and games that you can do to sort of make actors who supposedly have been in a relationship for years but have also just met yesterday, create some instant connection.

You’ve spoken about closure exercises before, can you run me through what a closure exercise looks like or feels like and your goal?

So one of the things with closure is that we want to create the distinction between the personal and the professional. Because something that happened with intimacy for a long time is it was very easy to conflate what you were feeling with the character to what you were feeling with your scene partner. So one of the things we really wanted to do was to try and establish a distinction between them.

When you’re working with an intimate scene if you’re kissing someone those hormones are real. There are real endorphins running through your body at that moment. You can’t deny that. Something that Tonia Sina always says is the emotions are real, but the situation is fake. It’s really important to stop [and] remind yourself of that continuously, over and over again.

So one of the things that we do with closure is we open the space. We will do the rehearsal or shoot the scene, then at the end, we have a moment where actors can take a breath. Have some time to let all of those feelings leave their body and to establish the fact that, hey, this happened in the scene, but this is where I’m leaving it. I’m not going home with this. I’m not taking this outside of the rehearsal room or of the studio. This is where it stays. And I think that’s a very healthy way to detach yourself from the scene you’ve been doing that day.

When you’re working with an intimate scene if you’re kissing someone those hormones are real. There are real endorphins running through your body at that moment. You can’t deny that.

How do you approach a masturbation scene from a sex scene? Is there a difference?

Essentially it’s the same thing, it’s about the consent of what you are willing to show? What are you not willing to show? Because you can insinuate masturbation in all different formats without having to see a huge amount. So, again, it’s about what’s your comfort level surrounding that?

[Masturbation scenes] are harder because obviously, with a sex scene you’ve got someone else to play off, you’ve got someone to like either bounce ideas, bounce positions, and figure it out together. When it’s just you and it’s a solo scene that can be quite tough because you’re the only one that’s on-screen at that point. But that’s when an intimacy coordinator can really help because you’re not just left to figure it out by yourself. You’ve got someone who can give you techniques to make it look more realistic or to make it more effective. And techniques to tell the story in the way that the actor is comfortable with and the director feels that vision is being realized.

When you’re depicting a scene with sexual violence, is there an added layer of like safeguards and closure exercises built into that scene?

We will always work in tandem with the stunt coordinator. I never want to do a scene of sexual violence, even though I have fight training, without a stunt coordinator. I think [there is] absolutely a level of safety and need [from] their expertise in that scene.

Are there some safeguards you establish for the crew and the intimacy of the whole room who are recording these scenes? Is that part of your job?

I think there’s a misconception that we’re just there for the actors, but that’s just not true. We’re there for the crew as much as the actors. We want to take care of their physical and mental health as well.

We’re doing this because if you’re doing a scene of sexual violence, the sound team is going to hear that over and over again. That could be really traumatic. Or if an actor is incredibly comfortable with their body and doesn’t want to put a robe on…well, the crew didn’t turn up to work today to see you walk around naked all day. That’s also something that needs to be managed.

How was the introduction of this role met by the cast and crew?

There are mixed reactions to us being there. I think some people can be a bit nervous about it and certainly nervous around us sometimes. It was kind of hard because it’s introducing a new role to the set, which is often a little complicated. How does this role fit in? We haven’t heard of this role before. How does this work? What’s your lane and how do you make sure that you stay in that lane?

They might feel that we are the sex police and we’ve got no sense of humor. I like to throw that out the window pretty quickly because I think you’ve got to have fun when you’re doing these things. Otherwise, it becomes very stoic and it can become quite stale.

But it’s really interesting to note costume, hair, and makeup [teams] have often been the ones to step up and step out. And they’ve made themselves very vulnerable to [speak out for actor’s safety]. That’s been going on for a long time. They were taking these risks, but not being paid to take the risks, to step out and look after actors. And so I think it’s really important that these departments are recognized within our role because they’ve had to sort of take it on unpaid for a really long time.

It feels like shows have been kind of transitioning to sex scenes that appeal to like a holistic audience and specifically women, Bridgerton being an example. Is that a goal of yours or is that just something that happens?

I think that’s sort of happened with societal change. Sex scenes have become far more available to a much wider cross-section of people. I don’t think the intimacy coordinators are driving that, we don’t have any say about what goes on in a writer’s room. That’s not really our jurisdiction. But I think people feel more empowered to narrate stories that are not just from the male gaze, which is really important.

And it’s also interesting because the female anatomy and female orgasm just hasn’t really been studied as in-depth as the male orgasm. It’s only a couple of months ago that Cosmo came out that they’re not going to do articles about the G spot anymore. Which is interesting because growing up that’s all they would shout about is…find the G spot. And they [Cosmo] come out a couple of months ago [saying] we don’t think it exists. So we’re going to stop doing articles on that dog stuff. So that’s revolutionized the sex scene sphere because it’s like OK, we’ve been playing it one way for such a long time, how do we change that?

Do you have a desire to see a future where intimacy coordinators brought in earlier and part of the writing room?

That’s a sort of a longer answer because one of the [reasons] that I think people would want us in the writer's room for is for advocacy. Like, OK, so if I’m going to do this how would I do it and how do I make it okay for everyone? Part of that is just raising awareness everywhere.

But I would say that my job is as a choreographer. My job is to create the vision that I’ve been given, and it’s not really my job to do commentary on that vision. It’s not whether I agree with it or not. My job is really for the welfare of the actors, not the welfare of the characters.

And I think if we intimacy coordinators start policing the writer’s room, then our job changes. The diversity has to come from the writer's room. I think it’s really important that just one concept of sexy isn’t the only one that is spoken about or written about. That comes from making writer's rooms as diverse as possible.

My job is as a choreographer. My job is to create the vision that I’ve been given, and it’s not really my job to do commentary on that vision.

You have mental health first aid and psychological first aid. How is that used in the workspace?

Having mental health first aid training is really important, especially in our work. There are a lot of people that are still carrying trauma from previous scenes that have not been handled in the way that they are now. And this work can be triggering. The difficulty is that invisible impact. If you have a shoulder injury, you’re careful with your shoulder going forward. You make people aware, like, hey, I’ve got a shoulder injury, I won’t be doing a lot of work with my like shoulder today. It hasn’t translated to the mental health world in the same way. I think we’re getting much better at it, but there can also be things you may have thought you’ve dealt with and potentially haven’t. It’s really helpful to be able to work with people in the moment to keep them safe.

We are not psychologists, we’re not therapists, that’s not what we’re there for. We are not on set therapy. If there is a crisis situation at work that’s what we do, we can deescalate, but we’re not [therapists]. So we have to be very aware of what our lane is and what [it] isn’t. Continuing ongoing therapy is not something that we provide and that also needs to be provided outside of work. Again, it’s that separation between personal and professional.

What’s a common misconception that you think the industry has about intimacy or just like poor practices that you’ve seen slowly changing?

One of the misconceptions people have is because [actors] experience intimacy in their own lives, it means they can recreate it unaided for an audience. Which are two very different things. And it’s really interesting because no one questions that with the fight world. We don’t pick up 16th-century swords and run around chasing people. But we might experience intimacy in our lives. So it’s felt quite obvious for the last 30, 40 years that you would employ someone who is an expert in that arena because you don’t run around with swords every Friday night.

But it’s been much harder for the industry to accept that even though we have intimacy in our everyday lives, it doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone can recreate it unaided.

At the start of your career, did you get pushback from-?

Everyone (laughs).

How did you push back against the pushback?

One of the first comments I ever got when doing this work was like, this is ridiculous. Do we need an eating director to teach people how to eat? Now, we’ve got an intimacy director teaching people how to have sex. And one of the things that I said [is] we haven’t been getting the physical act of eating wrong on screen. Actors are often aware of how the mechanics of that work, whereas we are simulating sex. That’s the key difference. This is something that is simulated…the sex scenes are anyway, the kissing is obviously real. It’s one of those assumptions that just because you’ve experienced doesn’t mean that you can simulate it.

It’s been much harder for the industry to accept that even though we have intimacy in our everyday lives, it doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone can recreate it unaided.

And the negative comments [were] mainly like the industry’s never going to change. This is the way it’s always going to be like this is the way it always has been. I think there was like a tiny bit of change beforehand, but the MeToo movement was the catalyst that really helped people re-evaluate what was going on in this industry in lots of different ways. And again, we’re not there yet. There are still problematic areas and problematic aspects of this industry. But we’re certainly on the way.

What are some emotional or mental challenges that you have and undergo in this type of role?

It can be quite an isolated role because you are the head of the department and you’re often not on set like every single day. Everyone already knows each other, [then] you come in. One of the problems you have is very few people get to see what you do because you work in close sets. There’s a lot of misconceptions about who we are [and] what we do. People can think you don’t do as much because they’re just not seeing it until it is shown on TV. That can get a little exhausting sometimes.

Also in the beginning everyone had a story to tell. So we would be soaking up lots of people’s experience. So it was really important for us to be able to manage that because otherwise, you would be carrying a huge amount hearing about all this trauma.

What are you hoping the meta of sex scenes and just intimacy on stage or film kind of becomes in the next five years?

I think just more inclusive, we’ve got to be able to tell everyone story. We’ve seen a very specific subset of stories over the past 100 years. It’s really time to change that. Everyone needs to see what intimacy looks like for them on screen.

To learn more about Lizzy and her work, check out her website:

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