An Inspiring Epigram I Hope Will Help in These Troubling Times

You gain strength, courage, and confidence from every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You can say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the things you think you cannot do — Eleanor Roosevelt.

There is a lot to unpack in this wonderful quote. The underlying thing is “fear,” and how we handle it. Fear itself is merely the result of the interplay between the hard-wired nature of our emotional, biological, and biochemical processes between the brain and all the organs. When we are truly fearful of something, all these processes come into play, with predictable results. Once the brain registers something to be afraid of, all the rest of the body follows it.

That means, of course, that fear is in fact hard-wired in us as well, so — with few exceptions — it is not a question of “undoing” fear, but recognizing that there are bad ways and good ways of dealing with it. Everyone is fearful of something, at some level. For me, it is — and has always been — that something bad happens to one of my children or grandchildren. Like, for example, illness and death from COVID-19 or some other catastrophe. That’s a fear I constantly have to work on.

I think it important to acknowledge that fear need not always be a bad thing. Sometimes it is a valuable reaction to a threat, a sort of early warning system.

Have you ever wandered into a situation, or been thrust into one, or had one fall on you, where your senses tell you that something is not right? That there is danger? You might not clearly perceive the precise danger, but you know or feel a “caution” signal? I imagine we all have had this experience, and it is how well we listen to the signals that can help save us; or if we ignore, the signals can lead to problems. As an example:

Many years ago I was driving along a road. It was not an especially lonely road — there were houses not far off, and a gas station on the next block. I saw a vehicle on the side of the road; and a lady was jacking up the rear passenger side of the car, manifestly change a tire. Being raised how and when I was, my instinct was to stop and see if I could help so I pulled up behind the other car, perhaps 30 feet away.

I hesitated to get out of the car and even thought of just taking off again. I was getting a danger signal, but I couldn’t say why. Looking back later, I realized my brain had registered another person sitting in the car; and my brain didn’t like that fact. Shouldn’t that other person also be out of the car, even if not helping the lady?

I ignored the danger signal (obviously what was counted on), walked up to the lady, and asked if she needed some help. While we were talking, the driver’s side door opened, and a guy got out and hurried towards us. Danger signals were really going off by then. As he came close, I could see a knife in his hand; so I helped whether the lady wanted it or not, by grabbing the tire-iron from the jack. The guy didn’t like the look of that, and I backed away and got away — incidentally gaining an extra tire-iron.

I was was lucky that day, and I can tell you it was quite a long time before I again stopped for anyone on the side of the road, female or male — and I took to carrying a hefty folding-knife on my belt, just in case. When I stopped after that, I looked carefully for actual vehicle damage, other people, actual injuries, etc.

So, fear has its uses in that way.

But the Roosevelt quote addresses another aspect or facet of fear — the willingness to face the fear squarely, defeat it, and walk away stronger, more courageous, and more confident. Some people are very fearful of speaking in public; others of being too close to other people; and others of rejection in a relationship. There are many such fears.

Imagine the Marine or soldier — no matter how well trained there must be some level of fear, especially in their first actual battle moment. No matter how many times one has parachuted out of a plane, surely for the first time (at least) there is some fear. But they faced the fear and overcame it. And thank goodness they did, since we need Marines and soldiers, and even parachutists (especially if also Marines or soldiers).

So, I hope this old quote — one of my favorites — is of some help in these troubling and fearful times.

Be well and stay healthy and strong.