Summary

Wendy Slates offers a reflective and heartfelt apology to older women for her past youthful arrogance, expressing gratitude for their patience and acknowledging the wisdom she has gained with age.

Abstract

In "An Honest Apology," Wendy Slates, a 51-year-old woman, pens a candid reflection on her life, addressing an apology to women aged 60 to 90. She admits to the naivety and enthusiasm of her younger self, which she now recognizes could have been perceived as annoying. Through her essay, she reveals a journey of maturity, from the ignorance of youth to the acceptance of aging. She expresses a newfound understanding and appreciation for the challenges and changes that come with time, including physical transformations and shifting priorities. Slates acknowledges the accuracy of the older women's wisdom regarding aging and health, and she thanks them for their tolerance and kindness. She resolves to emulate their patience and pass on their example to younger generations, while also embracing each stage of life with happiness and fulfillment.

Opinions

The author regrets her previous lack of empathy and understanding towards older women, realizing the importance of walking in someone else's shoes before judging.
She recognizes that her youthful energy and excitement about life's adventures could have been overwhelming or irritating to others.
The author reflects on the arrogance of youth, where she secretly believed that maintaining good habits would allow her to avoid the pitfalls of aging.
She admits to underestimating the challenges of aging, including the struggle to maintain weight and the shift in priorities that come with time.
Wendy Slates expresses gratitude to the older women in her life for their patience and for not reacting negatively to her younger self's behavior.
She emphasizes the importance of learning from one's elders and the value of their experiences, which she now appreciates more deeply.
The author advocates for embracing each stage of life with grace and acceptance, recognizing that change is the only constant.
She encourages younger people to consider the future impact of their current choices on their health, career, and personal life.

An Honest Apology

And a Lesson in Gratitude

Never judge a person until you’ve walked in their shoes.

We’ve all heard this nugget of wisdom throughout our lives, and it seems to come to my mind every time I realize I’m guilty of not doing this. At 51 years old and experiencing change at what seems like warp speed, I realize more and more the error of my younger ways.

If you are a female between the ages of 60 and 90 and have had anything at all to do with my life, whether it be work, school, whatever…I want to apologize to you. I want to apologize for how annoying my younger self might have come across to you. She didn’t mean it, but my older self can see how you might have wanted to smack her at some point in time.

Looking Back

Back in the day, when I got excited about something, you knew it! The more youthful me was energetic and enthusiastic about things… vacation, a new challenge, building a house…whatever was going on in my life was something to get excited about. And you should’ve been, too. At least that’s what I thought. My life was a great place to be at any given time. Everyone should strive to do what I was doing because their life would be a better place, too. Lordy, how annoying I must’ve been!

Ignorance is Bliss

Arrogant? No. Ignorant? Yes. At the core, it’s a maturity thing. Even adults are still maturing and where we land on that spectrum is a product of our experiences and where we are in life. As a 51-year-old I can look back at my 30-year-old self and see her as a woman, but not as mature as I am now. I can also see my younger self in younger peers I interact with. They really aren’t that far off from where I was then. They are as enthusiastic now as I was when I was their age.

I always heard how it’s harder to keep weight off after forty. My younger self, while I believed this, there was a smug part of me that secretly thought, “I’m sure this is true, but you’re probably not trying hard enough. If you’d developed good habits when you were younger, it would be easier now.” I don’t think I ever came across that way to someone else, but still, they must’ve wanted to hit me. They had to be thinking, “Enjoy all that energy now because one day you won’t have it and you’re going to know what it’s really like.”

Reality Check

Fast forward twenty-plus years. The foreshadowing of these wise ladies is coming to pass. I can see physical changes coming about that I was warned about and somehow thought if I worked hard enough and maintained good habits I’d sidestep some of those landmines. Despite my high activity level, my weight is still a struggle for me. It would likely be worse if I were less active, but I still didn’t expect to struggle as much as I do. Also, as much as I’d like to be my thinner self, I just don’t have the drive to pursue it like I used to. I try to watch my diet but I pay less attention to it now than I used to. I have other priorities and calorie counting just isn’t at the top of my list.

I’m happy where I am at and the life lessons I’ve learned. I have a calmness now I didn’t have twenty-plus years ago. However, I miss the ignorance of my youth. Time went a little slower for this person because she thought it was her friend. This person thought that getting old was far away. This person thought if she made a conscious effort now to be determined not to let certain aspects of aging happen, she’d avoid the trap. She wouldn’t get lazy and let her guard down. She would be one of the more youthful mature worldly women when she got there way down the road.

Boy, did I underestimate how hard that would be! Or, how much less important that would become. I wouldn’t say I don’t care, but I certainly don’t worry about the same vain things that I did twenty years ago.

The Apology

To those that I offer my humble apologies to, you were right about so much. I’m sorry for being so annoying. I’m sorry for acting like you should have had the same energy and focus I had in my 30s when you were in your 50s and 60s. Thank you for allowing me to just be me at the time and not punching me. Thank you for putting up with my nonsense. I hope to emulate your patience and kindness and pass that example to my successors. I realize now how the energy declines, priorities change, and we move on in life. I know one day, wherever you are in life now, I will be there, too. I appreciate and value your contributions to my very own existence.

I listen to my elders more now because of the experience I had with you and the realization of my more immature ways of twenty years ago. When I try to impart my wisdom to someone in their 30s now, I think they only half listen. I get it. I remember back then thinking, “That might be the future but I’m not there yet so don’t ruin the here and now for me by predicting all this gloom and doom.” And I don’t want to ruin it for them. My aim is for them to recognize how fast time goes so they can think about their futures now because the choices they make now will impact their lives in 15–20 years. Whether it be career, health, family, retirement…whatever.

Each year is a stepping stone. And, I can say, I recognized this fact in my 30s. That was the driving force to me returning to school at age 34 and working over six years to earn that degree. I knew the fire would go out one day. I knew it would lose its importance but it would end up on my list of regrets if I didn’t finish. I’m so glad I did.

Gratitude

Thank you, ladies, for tolerating me because you’d already been there and done that. Perhaps your younger selves were annoying, too. (I’m sensing a pattern here.) I wonder now when I am seventy, will I look back at my 51-year-old self and think how young and immature I was for my age? Maybe. In that light, I’m trying to “feel” as young as my older self might perceive me. I want to capture it and hold on to it. But I think I need to let it go. Change is the only constant we have and I need to come to terms with each stage of my life and try to find happiness, fulfillment, and acceptance in each era.

One thing holds true: Don’t ever judge a person until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

Wendy Slates-I am a 51-year-old wife, mother, and running enthusiast navigating mid-life. It’s great to be a girl! You can find me at medium.com/@wendyslates.