An Extreme Anxiety Feels Like Somewhat of a Presence
How I have been dealing with such symptoms that cause me to lose sleep and also declining my health in the process!
I tend to see disturbing things lately when I roam around the kitchen at midnight or I close my doors or my eyes when I sleep. Though it pays it no attention for a microsecond, it is terrifying.
Reasons, why this is happening, are still unknown but what I do believe is the traumatic episodes I have experienced this year. Plus the depression and anxiety disorders that I have accumulated have broken down my mental barriers that kept all the negative and discerning content away from my mind.
I don’t really falter when faced with such experiences but day by day — I’m losing my edge and my grip on reality. It’s perhaps because of the mental state that’s basically processing too much information, such as grief, sadness, and misery that has caused this sudden uproar of emotions.
Though my composure is still intact it doesn’t mean I am not experiencing the side effects — I am. It is affecting my sleep really badly and I usually have to take medications to sleep otherwise I stay awake two days in a row sometimes 3.
I have kept myself busy and distracted in either doing certifications on Coursera or working with a few colleagues on some open source projects. I listen to music(cello) in the night that calms me down. I occasionally write poetry to reflect upon my condition and sorrows.
I have been reflecting a lot lately, this year I am giving time to all the accumulated sadness and misery that I have kept locked away. In short, I am facing the music and thus the after-effects of such experiences are slowly appearing.
Though I am resilient — I am strong but it doesn’t mean I won’t crumble, cry or fall. Strength doesn’t necessarily equate to much when you’re fighting battles that you have to persist, as the only way past them is to bear them indeed.
Every day, there is a new mystery — a new accomplishment and a new curse. A new symptom, a new condition, a new issue making it worse. But I try to see it in a way, where I could change such a fate. Looking towards making it work, for I do not idly wait. I keep working to make it work, to pull through to spread the word.
There are others whom I inspire, as I aspire to be their light. It fills me with purpose and hopes to become someone that heal and approach — those who feel are alone and sad for I can even make them joyously mad.
Thus, I believe if you feel sad — Remember to hear, and preach yourself. There are people who are here for you, though try we must take care of ourselves too. A presence that looms around me these days, I pay it no mind but it is still there.
It follows me like a creepy ghost, visions of haunting, daunting scorn. It feels I need to connect with it some more to know what has caused it to be so. Seeking a clause with my demons, I believe wanting to help and working to ease.
The tensions that cause a sudden uproar. I feel I should make it once more, of what you may ask is I should answer — the love that made me believe I am worthy of the life to live it I shall with the utmost pride. Never shall I fall on the ground, unless an icy bed kisses my back.
The presence can follow, I do not mind. Perhaps it is time I believe I should try to see things in another, newer light. Thus my message is this, that I believe we should take of ourselves and ask for relief. Praying, hoping, and working we shall make our life the best it deserves.
Love yourself.
Peace. Thank you for reading.
