An Evening at the Sex Shop

Exploring sex retail therapy with a partner

Online shopping has plenty of advantages. If you’re overworked, swarmed with appointments, or maybe too busy side-hustling as a nerdy sex blogger, online shopping can be a real time-saver, letting you crush your to-do list with just a few clicks.

When it comes to the pursuit of sexual pleasure, there are plenty of other advantages to buying online. You can easily shop the best vibrators, dildos, and whatever sex play accouterment you’re into in the privacy of your own home. People living in rural areas without easy access to sex stores can now keep up with the latest and greatest products. Plus, discreet delivery packaging makes it so your neighbors won’t know every sexy detail of your personal life.

While Amazon has plenty of sex toys, some of my favorite digital shopping spots aren’t as widely known. They include Hot Octopus, Simple Pleasure, and My First Blush, just to name a few.

But there is something to be said for taking a trip to ye olde sex shoppe with your romantic partner. I enjoy browsing the displays together, getting to see, touch, and even test the products before I decide to buy.

I recommend everyone try the experience, at least once. If you’ve never gone to a sex store with your lover, take a little trip together if you’re lucky enough to live within driving distance. A little sex retail therapy will provide plenty of foreplay and arousal for later, a few laughs, and, most importantly, a look into your partner’s sexual psyche.

Breaking up the dinner-and-a-movie monotony

If we’re not careful, my partner and I can get into a lazy phase. We’ll neglect date night altogether, or we’ll fall into a cycle where dinner and a movie becomes the standard. Nice, but, like most things, it can get boring with too much repetition.

Every once in a while, we’ll do dinner and a sex shop excursion instead. It’s different, it’s fun, and it doesn’t take a whole lot of effort to plan. It’s a low-key, sexy night. Plus, we get a chance to walk off dinner before our much-anticipated playtime.

The last time we went was a Saturday, the store’s busiest day. The wings had fallen off my butterfly G-spot vibrator (the part that directly stimulates the clitoris), and it was past time for a new one.

It’s important to note that this favorite toy hadn’t broken due to overuse, but because I’d thrown money away on that cheap jelly material before I knew better. Toys made from that jell-like rubber, PVC, or latex contain potentially toxic chemicals. They break down quickly, causing certain parts, like pleasurable fluttering wings, to tear off easily. Also, the porous material is a breeding ground for bacteria and shouldn’t be used internally.

Our plan was to upgrade to a better, more powerful G-spot vibrator made from a safer and far more superior material — silicone.

So, we were on a mission, but we left ourselves plenty of time to browse.

The salespeople

I can’t speak for every store, but we’ve only ever experienced friendly, helpful salespeople.

Since it was a busy Saturday evening, there were three people working the floor — a woman and two men.

The associates are there to answer any questions, so don’t be afraid to ask. Much like your doctor, they’ve seen it all and aren’t shy with dropping extremely helpful tips.

They also work on commission. One of the guys, the slim, tall one with glasses, offered his assistance a bit too much. Not in a rude or pushy way, but in a way that felt a bit distracting. For the most part, we were able to shop without being sold to.

When I finally did find a G-spot vibrator I wanted to take home (I’m about the most indecisive shopper you’ll ever meet), the other gentleman offered to test it for us.

This was SUPER helpful. He took us to a long black table, tester toys displayed as far as the eye can see, and removed the brand new vibe from the box to make sure it worked.

I was able to touch it, to see if I liked the feel of the material and the power of the vibration. Some might think this is possibly the most awkward thing you can do with your boyfriend, but it was really cool and practical.

The salesman took me through the pattern settings and showed me how the clit stimulator could vibrate at different strengths while the G-spot massager rotated at various speeds.

I touched the pointed ends of the clitoral stimulator. From the picture on the box, I wondered if they might be too pointy, stabbing at my clit uncomfortably rather than massaging. But when I felt how smooth and soft they were, I was eager to test it far more thoroughly at home.

“I think that’s got enough oomph,” I told the sales guy, smiling politely. It was like we were discussing my buying a new phone rather than a toy that would be inside me and making me come multiple times three hours later.

My boyfriend nodded his agreement.

We settled on the “Enchanted Tickler Massager”—pink, waterproof, USB rechargeable, and made from silicone. The material was soft and luxurious — silky smooth, with just the right amount of squish to it.

The price was higher in the store than online, but I appreciated the certainty of knowing I liked what I was getting.

The giggles

If you can’t walk by a floor-to-ceiling display of the biggest life-like silicone dicks you’ve ever seen without giggling like a middle-schooler in sex-ed class, then you’re going to do a lot of giggling at the sex store.

We’re talking realistic sculpted heads, scrotums, and veins. Dicks of all different shapes, sizes, and skin colors. Some were so large, I was sure they couldn’t fit inside any human person without doing some real damage. But then I thought about how I gave birth to an eight and a half pound baby and remembered the wondrous and surprising capabilities of the human body.

Once we were done chatting about the ultra-mega dildos, which we both decided to pass on, we arrived at the butt plugs. This was a stunning visual display of plugs made from metal, wood, and glass. The decorative lighting bounced off a section of jewel-plated stainless steel plugs, and I wanted one. As I described in a recent story, I’m not all that into anal play, but a butt plug glittering bright like a diamond has a certain appeal.

In one of my favorite pieces, Emma Austin writes a section called “Vibrating Cock Ring — Not a Re-Buy.” While I’ve had a pleasant experience with this toy a time or two that led to an orgasm, I have to agree that they can be problematic. The sales lady was busy restocking them, and she told us as much.

“I wouldn’t bother with these,” she said, pointing to the cheaper smaller ones with tiny batteries. “You have to have a little more power.”

She pointed to the larger, pricier ones. They were rechargeable and made from silicone. I’m completely aware that her income depends on the upsell, but she’s absolutely right. I could really enjoy making love missionary with a mighty cock ring such as this, and my guy and I put it on the list for next time.

As we made our way to the lube, we browsed the DVD shelves. I really have to be in a certain mood for porn, and that’s not very often. However, I loved reading the back covers. I’m a sucker for a good (or a so-bad-it’s-good) story blurb.

“What about this one?” my partner asked, pointing to an Underworld rip-off.

I picked it up and flipped it to the back, nodding. “I’d go for that. And I know you’d go for that.”

He giggled like a schoolgirl.

For the record, Kate Beckinsale would be welcome in our bed, any time. My boyfriend is a big fan of her Instagram account, and I can understand why.

We didn’t purchase a DVD that time around. We had our hands full with my luxury vibrator and the not-so-cheap lube we were planning on buying. I felt somewhat out of place being the only woman browsing the movies among a handful of single men, but I never felt uncomfortable. It was a fun foray into well-produced porn, which seems to be more nostalgic than anything else in a time when free amateur-style internet porn is all the rage.

The honest pleasure of it all

Just before we hit the register, we found a water-based lubricant with the help of the saleslady. She recommended one that wouldn’t mess with my PH if it was going inside me. I paused, realizing that I hadn’t even thought about my own feminine care when it came to choosing something. The lube was indeed going to be intimately acquainted with my vagina, so we went with a fragrance-free, hypoallergenic product, which we were able to feel on our fingers thanks to a test bottle.

This particular trip to the sex store was one of the most engaging and educational experiences I’ve had with my partner as far as the more technical aspects of sex products.

I’d highly recommend a similar outing to anyone as a unique and hands-on way to get to know your partner’s likes and dislikes. Plus, it’s an all-around fun time. Almost as fun as using the products after all the shopping.

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