An Atheist Goes To Heaven…

— Hello.

— Hello. Where am I?

— Nowhere and everywhere, I’d say.

— Interesting dichotomy.

— You’ve been a witness of that for all your life, right?

— I guess. Am I still alive?

— It depends on what you mean for alive.

— I suppose you know that better than me.

— Yes and no.

— More yes, probably.

— Probability is something I like.

— And who are you?

— Me? I have many names and no one. Maybe what are you is better.

— So, what are you?

— Everything and nothing.

— Sounds like a cosmic form of bipolarism.

— You could put it in these terms, but it’s a bit more complicated.

— We don’t want to make things too easy, do we?

— I’m the complex and easiest of things.

— And I thought to be the problematic one…

— Problems arise for the ones who don’t want to see the essence.

— And what’s the best way to see it?

— Being it.

— Essence?

— Yes.

— I would like to learn that.

— You have tried, in your journey.

— And now, it’s all over.

— Nothing really ends, because nothing really begins.

— Are you talking about eternity?

— Yes.

— I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be eternal.

— I know.

— You refer to my lifetime question or you mean you are eternal?

— Both.

— I should have imagined it.

— You already know that, within you.

— How?

— Because there’s my essence in all of you.

— All of us?

— Humans.

— And in any other sentient being?

— Yes.

— And in any other entity?

— Yes.

— So, I was a human. Now I remember.

— This little amnesia is due to the transition.

— Clear. A human.

— That’s only how you call this precise segment of your evolution.

— We were something else.

— You have always been something that had no real label.

— Because labels are human inventions.

— Precisely.

— And that’s why you have no labels.

— I don’t need them. My language is made of events.

— And why are you talking to me?

— Actually, we are not talking.

— But I see my body. I feel my mouth moving, my voice.

— That’s because your essence is still linked with your human form.

— So, I’m adapting it to this place?

— Sort of. Here, you feel in the same way you felt in the previous condition.

— And that’s also why I’m on the top of a mountain?

— Yes. This is one of your favorite places.

— I don’t recognize it, by the way.

— It’s a construction of yours.

— Mental?

— Energetical.

— Oh, cool. And will I be like that forever?

— No, if you want.

— Can I decide what to be? Where to go?

— Yes.

— How?

— If you want it, you can do it.

— Why I have this freedom?

— Freedom is the ultimate power. Freedom is what composes me.

— Which kind of freedom are you referring to?

— Not the one you may refer to, humanly intended.

— A universal form?

— The definitive one. Being everything, everywhere, timelessly.

— How do you feel about that condition?

— My feelings are a bit different.

— Go on.

— Imagine a vortex in which all the stimuli of universe converge.

— Sounds like a massive ecstasy.

— Yes, but it’s at the same time what you may call positive and negative.

— Why?

— Because from absolute control, comes absolute responsibility.

— And I guess sometimes this control can’t be handled properly.

— I can’t carry a burden that’s heavier than my possibilities.

— Really? I thought you enjoyed a form of omnipotence.

— Many things you don’t know about me.

— I hope you’ll tell all of them to me.

— You already know them.

— No, I don’t.

— You’ll find out.

— Oh, well. I got patience.

— That’s good.

— Oh, about that…

— You’re going to ask me about good and evil.

— Uh, yes, how…

— You know that.

— Oh, right. Yeah.

— Patience, my dear.

— On my way for the eternal one.

— Good practice.

— And what’s good good?

— Pleasure.

— And evil evil?

— Pain.

— Isn’t that subjective?

— Did you like hunger?

— Uh, no.

— Did you like to eat?

— Yes?

— You can recognize by yourself what’s good and bad here.

— But there’s people who love to fast or die out of food.

— And that’s just a subjective spree. Suffering is universal.

— Well, I get it.

— I sense curiosity in you.

— I was curious for all my life.

— That’s why you were atheist.

— I guess. Oh, about that…

— Yes?

— Why am I here?

— Why not?

— Well, I don't know the rules here…

— There are no rules, here.

— Oh.

— Only happenings.

— Right.

— But please, continue.

— Well, you read my mind… If I still got one…

— So?

— So you know everything about me and what I’m going to say.

— Yes, but you don’t need to feel a pawn.

— I was convinced we were all pawns in the great game of nature.

— In a way. But not the one you think.

— Really, why am I here?

— Why not?

— Well, I never believed in you.

— There’s no need to believe in me.

— Why?

— Because you already know me.

— How so?

— I am all around. I’m within everything, including you.

— But I didn’t feel you.

— You feel me, now?

— Well, it’s… It’s always an external sensation. Just like sunlight.

— That’s the essence of my existence.

— Sunlight?

— Light and darkness. Sound and silence. Love and hate.

— Hate too?

— Everything that has ever existed.

— But what about all the people who killed each other for you?

— They were killing for themselves.

— But why you never intervened?

— Because I’m beyond human limits and an integral part of them.

— I’m a bit confused.

— In short, I am you.

— You are me?

— Yes.

— I am not what you may think I am.

— And I’ll ask again, what are you?

— I’m all. I’m the universe itself who experiments with itself. You are part of me, as anything that exists. I am an eternal flow of possibilities. I am what can be and what can’t be. I am the I and the be. And you are me because what you are seeing right now, what you are hearing right now, what you were, are and always will be, is myself — yourself. You are in front of your own essence and the essence of everything that ever existed, exist and will exist without time boundaries, without borders, without impossibility. Everything is possible.

— So, everything that humans ever thought and believed about you…

— It’s a form of self-doubt. It’s everything that can be thinking it can’t be.

— The limits were the true limit. We were blinded by them.

— Yes.

— Nothing really matters. All that counts is to achieve this point.

— Yes.

— I feel alive. More than ever.

— That’s what your fellows call heaven. That’s the ecstasy. That’s the core.

— I was limited. Now, I’m free.

— Limits of the human condition. A cornerstone and a disgrace. But…

— But?

— You have arrived here. You are on the top of the mountain. You peaked.

— And what does this mean?

— That you have encountered your own conscience. The pinnacle of your life.

— This means I’m eternal, now?

— This means you have achieved the last evolutionary step for your kind. You are the new essence of everything that exists. You are existence itself.

— Wow…

— You are no longer a detached part of yourself. You are complete. Us is you.

— And… What now?

— Be. Forever.

© Ludovico Leone 2020

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