A Playlist Series
American Crisis Playlist #41
Gaetz-gate
How many of you knew I would? Come on…tell the truth. How could the American Crisis Playlist series not go after the saintly Matt Gaetz. Sorry, I’m borrowing the moniker that our former president and LOSER, the Orange Plague, bestowed on current President Biden.
“Saintly.”
Once upon a time when my parents were preparing to visit me in D.C., driving from their home in Bessemer (where last week a union for Amazon was defeated), a neighbor asked them if they’d have to drive through Florida to get to our nation’s capital.
I hope my parents didn’t answer her in the way they told me the story, stating,
“Do you go through Florida to get from any one U.S. state to another?”
But I started thinking about our neighbor’s question this morning:
Do all roads lead through, around, by, or over Florida?
And then I started thinking of that greatest of American films: Orson Welles’ and Herman Mankiewicz’s Citizen Kane. At the end of Charles Foster Kane’s life, he retires to “Xanadu,” somewhere near the Florida Keys. He lives in his “unfinished pleasure dome,” distant, aloof, and lost in old grudges, his wife’s jigsaw puzzles, and the crazy statues he’s acquired from the world, all in an attempt to pay tribute to himself.
Is any of this sounding familiar?
If you don’t subscribe to Politico’s “Playbook,” you should. Just today, we get passages like this one, regarding some festivity held in or near someone’s private Florida club last night:
“A slew of well-heeled Republican National Committee donors descended on Palm Beach this weekend, excited to be schmoozed, eager for access to DONALD TRUMP and other potential 2024 nominees, but mostly interested in hearing how far their dollars would go toward winning back the Congress and White House.
Trump’s speech didn’t do any of that.
‘It was horrible, it was long and negative,’ one attendee with a donor in the room tells Playbook. ‘It was dour. He didn’t talk about the positive things that his administration has done.’
Instead, Trump used the final night of the retreat to talk about himself, his grievances and how he plans to enact retribution against those who voted to impeach him — which runs counter to the donors’ main objective of making sure their dollars go toward winning overall.”
My family used to vacation in Palm Beach when I was a teenager because Dad “won” a free trip there, if by free we mean my parents had to spend one of our three days in Florida listening to a land-shark sales pitch. Our hotel was nice anyway, and it was on the beach. So maybe this is the reason why when someone mentions Florida, and how to get there, I think immediately of charlatans who want your money, who almost beg for your money, and then use it to purchase white patent leather shoes, or greater images of themselves.
Playbook also mentions that if the OP decides to speculate on another land deal in D.C., he might choose Florida governor Ron Desantis as his running mate. Should you want to read more about this, here ya go:
What you won’t find at the coverage of the rally is any mention of the afore-mentioned Matt Gaetz. I suppose he was busy driving from Florida back to D.C. Do you suppose he had to cross through Alabama to get there? Do you wonder who might have been with him in the car? Do you imagine her age?
The one person who might find some happiness in all of this is Florida Senator Marco Rubio, just because no one is mentioning him for V-P, or suing him, or blaming him anymore for the decline of western swampland in his native state or in the district he works in when he and his 99 other buddies are in session.
Marco: your state’s pretty whacked, and I should know. I used to drive through there all the time from my equally whacked province on my personal road to somewhere. And when I drove, I had the radio on, listening to tunes like these:
AMERICAN CRISIS PLAYLIST #41
- “Genius of Love,” Tom Tom Club, from 1981’s Tom Tom Club. I’m so sorry and disturbed to know anything about Matt Gaetz’s “love life.” I hope he hates this song. I hope he’s never heard it, and please, don’t think of it when you think of him. I doubt he knows what “being in heaven” with Bootsy Collins might mean, or exactly who Sly and Robbie are. And as for that “Genius” part, well………..Anyway, I love this song and as offshoots of another band go, TTC is it, baby. I wonder what Kurtis Blow thinks? Not to mention, JAMES BROWN, JAMES BROWN.
- “King of Pain,” The Police from Synchronicity ( 1983). “There’s a little black spot on my soul today…it’s the same old thing as yesterday.” Has anyone ever asked, “WWMGD?” He’s only 38 years old, and so when this song was released and it “stood here inside the pouring rain,” Matt was only zero years old. Really! He was born in this year and how could he have known that this song would lament his later life? His “destiny to be the…,” you know. “I’m always hoping that you’ll end this reign.” Or his.
- “Burning Down the House,” The Talking Heads, from Speaking in Tongues (1982). David Byrne called and asked why I was featuring Tom Tom Club, and also why I was spending so much time talking about Matt Gaetz when I could be inciting an insurrection somewhere, or strolling into the House chamber with a Holocaust denier? Now, technically, David Byrne doesn’t have my number, but Matt Gaetz did bring a Holocaust denier as his guest to the House one fine day. Don’t know if that guy was from Florida or not, but damn, they can’t have everything down there, can they?
- “Fearless (Taylor’s Version)” from the brand new, re-thought-out Fearless (Taylor’s Version), a redone collection of her old stuff. I suppose Matt Gaetz thought he was fearless when he drove from Florida to Wyoming to speak against Liz Cheney. Liz didn’t seem so bothered, though, but then, she hadn’t been scoring for her fellow congress-people her sexual conquests, or showing a photo array of the best and brightest and most underage. Not saying anyone really did this, but I did read about it in the news, a place I don’t consider fake but definitely fearless.
- “Y Control,” Yeah Yeah Yeah’s from 2003’s Fever to Tell. “My winner’s out of control.” But MG was never “my” winner. Isn’t it funny that MG is half of MAGA? I used to be able to add, subtract, and even multiply fractions. Maybe divide them, too, but it’s been a long time, and I really am a bit timid to relive those glory days with Mrs. Wilkinson. I think a healthy debate would pit MG against Karen O. She’d kill him, and that Y thing would fade on off.
- “A Girl Like You,” The Young Rascals from Groovin’ (1967). There’s so much to write about here, to say to the one you love, right Matt? Primo on the word “girl.” Now, I never double-dated with Tucker Carlson, and as far as Tucker seems concerned, maybe Matt didn’t either. It’s so hard for me to imagine scenarios when I sympathize with Tucker, so thanks for this one Matt. Is anyone checking ID’s? I bet the Rascals are regretting their adjective right now.
- “Family Friends,” Wild Pink from 2021's A Billion Little Lights. This past Friday night, my wife and I gathered with some old friends — people we met in lamaze class 32 years ago, when Matt Gaetz was only six. Are you wondering whether I’m losing my mind? We sat out on our lovely porch and talked about those old days. We showed pictures of our babies, when they were babies, and wondered how so much time has sifted through us. They drove down from upstate New York where they now live on 45 acres of gorgeous land. I won’t spill their route down here, but I can promise you one thing…
- “Love is a Losing Game,” Amy Winehouse from 2006’s Back to Black. I know she had addictions and demons, but I think she gave us so much in this song, and really, in the entire album. Listen to how easily she slides along the notes, how her voice expresses what pain really is. I don’t profess to know how love treated her, or who treated her in and out of love, but when I listen, I think of all who likely took advantage of her. The “her,’ sadly, is ubiquitous.
- “Love’s Unkind,” Donna Summer from I Remember Yesterday (1977). Back in 2008, I was standing on the outside of the inside of the Prague airport — a station that both Donna Summer and Kafka would understand. It was 5:30 in the morning, and I was ready to fly home from my first ever Creative Nonfiction workshop. Through the airport’s sound system, I caught this tune — a sound I hadn’t heard in twenty years or so. I remembered those words quoted, sort of, above, and then when I could get to a computer, I looked them up, Googled them if indeed Google existed then. I really don’t remember. Anyway, love is unkind to some, as we know. But really, it’s not the love that feels or acts. It’s the one who’s sporting the Eraserhead haircut.
- “I Saw her Standing There,” The Beatles, from Please Please Me (1963). “She was just…And you know what I mean.” Is this a cheap shot? Only time, Politico, and other news items will tell. We’ll be listening, and oh-so-judging. Matt.
Thanks for reading, from my porch to yours, across our great divide. I hope you all can join my virtual reading on zoom, next Sunday, April 18, at 7:00 PM, Eastern time.
ID: 89589191927
Until then, thanks as usual to Noah Levy, and the Riff-ers: Steven Hale, Frank Mastropolo, S.W. Lauden, If Ever You’re Listening, MDSHall, Reuben Salsa, Jessica Lee McMillan, Kathryn Dillon, Nia Simone McLeod, Gary Chapin, Christopher Robin, Sarah Paris, Kathy Gerstorff, Vince Coliam, Matt Dwyer, Rob Janicke, Kevin Alexander, and Alexander Briseño, among so many others.
Here’s last week’s list: