A Playlist Series

American Crisis Playlist #24

Politicians to Dye For

I don’t know what it is about grown men and their hair. Hell no, I’m not proud or glad that I’ve grown increasingly bald way up top. Nor am I happy that my hair has thinned and turned from a reddish/auburn tone over the years into a duller gold. But short of peroxiding it back in the sixth grade (just once and to no real effect), I’ve let it do what it naturally wants to do.

I don’t see myself shaving it down to be totally bald, and so as long as I don’t see a rear view shot of my head, I’m good.

And so No, but Hell No, to combing over, dyeing, or treating what I have left with any chemicalized reproduction of something alien to my head (and notice that I have not mentioned any form of rug).

All of this to mark yet another distinction between me and the OP and, of course, Mr. Giuliani. Honestly, don’t these guys ever ask anyone else’s opinions?

Heard it before I finished writing it.

The New York Times interviewed several Manhattan hairdressers about Rudy’s dye-do, and they had mixed responses. But whether they said yes it was dye, or no, it was mascara, they all screamed,

“Quit, for God’s sakes, doing anything like this.”

That might be a loose interpretation, but I stand by it.

Last night, my wife and I watched the new Borat movie, and we’ve been debating this morning as to whether Rudy did lie on that bed and begin to consider practicing some form of self-love with Borat’s daughter. I don’t know, but at least his hair was natural. It was actually the daughter who had hair issues which, if you’ve seen the film, you understand.

I don’t know what Rudy was thinking as he agreed to participate at all in this film. My wife is convinced that it was all fake, kind of like Rudy’s hair color. And I wonder if the OP is still gray? It’s at least a more honest tone, and I never thought I’d use the word “honest” in any connection with Mr. OP who, last time I checked

LOST THE ELECTION.

One more thing about the Borat film:

LOVED THE MUSIC.

Ahhh, the Balkan sound.

So here’s to authentic hair, honest politicians, and Sacha Baron Cohen, whom my wife thinks is awfully weird, but I say, compared to what?

AMERICAN CRISIS PLAYLIST #24

1. “Keep ‘em Straight/Hermetico,” The Balkan Beat Box from 2007’s Nu Med. I told you I like Balkan music. I like Klezmer, too, because my people came from “over there.” I want to attend a Beat party with the BBB, because I feel like it’s a place that would allow me to wear my hair any way I wanted to. And keepin ’em straight is important these days as the OP keeps inviting poll folk to the WH to get that special brand of trump hair tonic, something to inject, though as of this writing, people enter and leave maskless but at least not bending over for him.
2. “If You Knew What She Wants,” The Bangles, back from 1986’s Different Light. It’s hard to riff off this title, because no man ever knows what “she wants.” I mean, if we did, would we ever consider combing our hair over? At least with a comb over, we understand that the man in question is experiencing some inferiority complex so deep that no woman could ever figure out what he wants either. The best question for any man is, “If you knew what she wants,” would you accommodate, or pretend you hadn’t heard? A lot of that creeping around the White House these days.
3. “Livin’ Thing,” ELO from A New World Record(1976). Well, just to pick on Rudy one last time in this week’s list, when he appeared on camera the other day — the follow up to his 4 seasons appearance (“Walk Like a Man”) — tell me. Didn’t you wonder for a minute if Nosferatu was real? The Willem Dafoe movie from the 90’s, Shadow of the Vampire, asked the same question, but I swear, Google the 1920’s version of Nosferatu and put it alongside Rudy’s dye running. And then swear they’re not the same “person.”
4. “I Am the Walrus,” The Beatles, from Magical Mystery Tour (1967). I went to bed last night thinking about this song, singing it, actually, which made my wife rethink her questions about Borat. Who falls asleep to words like “I am the egg man?” Songs like this one always make me wonder not if the Beatles knew more than everybody else, but rather, how much more they knew than we mere mortals? Or at least John and George. Paul makes me wonder other things, mainly because I’m sure he dyes his hair. “Man you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen Poe.”
5. “Gunshot,” Lykke Li, from 2014’s I Never Learn. This entire record makes me want to sing, so once I learn the words, look out. The album’s title could be the epitaph for many of us, and something to think about when 2024 comes calling and a certain orange man asks us to consider him again. I’m not one to worry excessively, so I’ll leave it alone for now. But at the rally Borat visited, the homogenous section of Americana who turned out to support trumpism, made me want to pull out a civics book again, and ship it to someone.
6. “Sparks,” Beach House, from Depression Cherry (2015). Well damn, I got myself depressed again thinking about the future. I can’t be happy in the moment, even though I did yoga a while ago and felt so relaxed and peaceful. This band is the absolute best to write to. I remember sitting in Iowa City, listening to them on my iPod and writing the hell out of a scene for my writing class that night. My teacher from that time has disappeared on me. Sent him an email and it bounced back. Shit Jim, I hope you’re okay. I remember how you helped me and gave me hope when I never knew I could. Write.
7. “The Adults Are Talking,” The Strokes from this year’s The New Abnormal. They did this one on SNL a couple of weeks back, and they remain on my list of bands to see before I turn 70. Still a few years. They’ve been around for a good long while, right Al? Anyway, this seems like a good one for our age as we try to figure out not only who the adults are, but why they dye their hair. And by the way, have you noticed that those most likely to call someone or something else a “fraud” are also the ones who truly and best understand/live the concept? Question: if two adults from the trump administration were talking, would anyone know it?
8. “Instant Crush,” Daft Punk from 2013’s Random Access Memories. One song truly leads to another, right Julian? So, I have/had an instant crush on MSNBC’s Nicole Wallace. My wife knows about it. She has a crush on Obama. I heard her listening to his interview with Jimmy Kimmel and laughing like a woman who has a crush on someone famous. Fortunately, we both like the other’s crush and aren’t too threatened. Also fortunately, we tend to crush on smart people. Which is also why we’ve crushed on each other for 36 years. And danced together for all that time, too.
9. “Turn Blue,” The Black Keys, from Turn Blue (2014). And so Georgia has turned blue officially after a hand recount, certification from the secretary of state and the governor, both Republicans who, I know, shudder about all things blue. Play this one over and over deep into the midnight blue hours, and hold someone close. You’ll thank me later, though since I’ll be doing the same, I’ll already know and understand. My favorite band of this decade. And their best record.
10. “Time Has Come Today,” The Chambers Brothers from 1967’s Best Of. No more time on the clock for Donny and Rudy. The game is over. Tick-tock.

So many to thank: Noah Levy, Jessica Lee McMillan, Oliver Norris, Steven Hale, Kathryn Dillon, all of you and The Riff.

Here are some more if you missed them: