America Is The Center Of The World even in Africa.
And only country in the world too.
First of all, the American wants to know, “Which Friends character are you?”
I remember watching CNN with my dad eons ago and was amazed when George Bush declared that “....something something…he was the president of the world”
I was much younger then but, I know it was still quite amazing to me because like seriously? Bush was also the president of Nigeria? And he said it with a straight face. Maybe it was his confidence or the fact that I agreed internally that maybe being the president of a superpower meant he could be?
American: Best names from around the world to name your child: Chloe, Emma, Philip, Matthew, Liam, blah blah blah
African: What about Chigboroumogu? Adaobi? Kpakpando? Aisha? Tunde? Halima? Fatima? Why are the best names from around the world only white people’s names? Which around the world? If you overlook my Africa, what about other countries in other continents? Is Liam a ‘best’ name in Brazil? Do Brazillians want to name their men Liam? (forgive me Brazil if you guys do!)
American celebrity jumps up and down:
US news sites: All over the world people watched as (American) celebrity jumped up and down in a jump heard around the world…
African: Who? What do they do? What are they famous for?
Finally for the African: Oh, they danced on Dancing With the Stars? Cool, never watched an episode but okay.
African online writes: Our neighbourhood labours are not colourful…
American: Grammar dude, grammar. “Our neighborhood labors are not colorful”
In the same spirit:
African on Google/Microsoft: Chinua Achebe’s novel “Things Fall Apart” is one of the greatest classics of African literature. The defence…
US Google/Microsoft: (Asked by their Red Line): What is that Chinua Achebe? Also, that ‘defence’ is wrong.
African online: My friends and I will buy cigars and alcohol from shops when we were 9 years old for our dad and I remember racing while drunk at 16 and the police just took money from me and…
American online: Liar! Are you saying your ID was not checked? You are a liar! Stop defaming the police! How dare you…???
African online: O…kay?
A Love Letter To My Broken Pieces.
African Online: I am 18 years old, I take care of my five younger siblings…
US Helper: Call CPS. Better to be in the foster system than to be parentified!
African online: O…kay?
US Helper: Also, move out, Cut them off and go NO CONTACT!
African Online: July 4th this year was so boring for me because work goes through until the fourth week of November.
US Citizen: How dare you insult July 4th? How dare you claim Thanksgiving is boring?
African Online: What? What? What?
US Magazine: Sexist Actor/Actress in the world:
Lists all Hollywood actors/actresses
Africans Online: Okay…
African Online: Help, I am 24 years old ( in a third world country and)living with my very abusive parents…
US Aggrieved Person: You are an entitled asshole. Get a job, start paying rent. Minimum wage is $18. Pay your parents even if it is $400 a month, get on insurance or move out and start paying $1200 a month and become a responsible adult! How dare you be this entitled?
US Writers Online: This month’s prompt is ‘My Evilest Halloween’ or incorporate ‘Fall season’ into it to win this awesome giveaway.
African Writers Online: How…do…I…uh…o…kay?
African Venting Online: Guys, a trailer fell into the pothole on our…
US Activist Online: How? Contact your senator! Call the press!
African Venting Online: O…kay
And my favourite, shared something on Reddit…
US Good Samaritain: “If you or anyone you know has suicidal thoughts dial +1…….
Disclaimer: If for any reason, any American does not understand most of what I wrote, that is fine too. You are the president of the world, the commoners of the world will.
My name is Adaobi Okwy. Please turn on Email Notification for my next post. Also, Buy me coffee?