Ambivert — The Missing Link Between Extrovert and Introvert

And ambivert’s weird cousin, omnivert

I incorrectly labeled myself an introvert for years. I never quite had the outgoing ballsyness of an extrovert, but I’ve got more social cajones than many introverts. I’m not an outie or an innie, I’m an ambi. Enter ambivert — the switch-hitter of social (a)versions.

I have an ambiversion perversion.

I’m solidly placed in my ambivert life arc now. Even though I never liked labels, I like this one. And I doubt I’m the only one who mistook myself for an introvert. I know there are more of us out there, feeling like we’re the children in a nasty divorce, being tugged between the extros and the intros.

What’s an Ambivert?

Ambiversion isn’t ping-ponging between extremes (which, for an ambivert is exhausting), it’s a more subtle balance. Ambiverts are a heterogeneous blend of introverts (someone who prefers to spend time alone) and extroverts (someone who prefers to be with people). It’s a type of social introversion.

We’re the switch hitters of the ‘vert’ world; we’re selectively social.

For me, if I’m in a group of true introverts I still fit in, but tend to become the extroverted one. But then put me in a group of extroverts and I’m suddenly an introvert. That’s not a solid rule though, occasionally I can mask up and fit in with either. And in my experience — this confuses people. I picture them thinking ‘damn, what happened — I thought she was coo’.

While Ambiverts can seemingly ping-pong, what is happening is:

• We engage in flexible patterns of talking and listening.
• Around the right people, we can exhibit extroverted tendencies.
• We can adjust behavior naturally to fit the person or group we’re in.
• Both social time and quiet time alone can recharge our social batteries, but neither one nor the other solely recharges us.
• We can flip into extroversion or introversion based on our goals — but if you don’t have a goal, you might feel a little lost.
• We tend to be good at ‘reading the room’, so we can assimilate into introverted or extroverted groups. We’re like the Terminator — we scan with a laser, and display on our internal computer who’s a ‘friendly’.

The natural habitat for ambiverts can vary. Like introverts, we can get lost in books or lone-wolf hobbies, but like extroverts, we need to be social and can do well in (some) groups. We often shine in lines and other ‘waiting’ situations, dinner parties, and small social meetups. We tend to like captive audiences, or maybe that’s just me. They give us the time to work up to talking to people.

My Ambiversion

I can only speak for myself I suppose, so below is how I define my ambiversion.

I find that I can adjust to social situations because I can read the room well. I can strike up a conversation with a stranger, but only sometimes (and often I run it thoroughly through my brain bucket first). I’m terrified of rejection and bothering people but feel compelled to do it because I find it fulfilling to talk to new people.

Let’s say I’m in an elevator. An extrovert could start up a conversation, whereas an introvert might put in earbuds (even with nothing playing) to avoid awkward chitchat. I’ll read that very small room and choose either option depending on the elevator strangers.

But most of the time I don’t talk to people in elevators. Sometimes I’ll talk to people in a long, slow line — if they read like an extrovert. If I do talk to them, I very carefully surmise if I think they’d be ok with it, think about what I’m going to say first, and then probably run back into my cave after.

Some days it can be tough. I have both feelings of ‘I want social interaction and feedback from random people’ but also, ‘I want everyone to stay the heck away from me’. And sometimes I want to strike up a conversation but I can’t read the person or think of something not-too-dumb to say.

Dinner parties are my jam, if the people are cool.

Social Battery

I have to recharge my social battery like an introvert because I don’t have the social Duracell that extroverts seem to be born with. But being alone for too long will eventually drain me.

Ambiversion is a different type of social battery. Often, introverts need time alone to recharge — and their extroverted counterparts recharge with social interaction. For ambiverts, we need both. Time alone, then time with people recharges the battery, like claps bringing Tinkerbell back to life.

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows being a switch-hitting-vert though.

I have the feeling of wanting more friends but not the chutzpah to go make friends. I get bored if I spend too much time away from friends. But also, the reverse. Peopling is awesome and dreadful, in equal measure.

I need routine, but then I get bored and I need excitement and unpredictability, but then I get overwhelmed and need routine. It can be a vicious cycle at times.

Hmm — Ambivert Doesn’t Quite Fit?

You might be an omnivert. They’re the extreme sports version of ambiverts. But instead of being nicely tucked in the middle they ping-pong between extroversion and introversion, going to the extremes of each.

Omnis can extrovert so hard they drain their battery like a toddler after a playdate.

They can also confuse the hell out of people with their Jekyll-and-Hyde act. Their extremes can feel like a dual personality and you never know which one you’re gonna get when you spin the omnivert wheel that day.

To me, an ambivert — it sounds exhausting.

Why Ambiversion Recognition is Important

I’m an ambivert, so I recharge through both solitary time and time with people. Trying to be an introvert doesn’t fulfill me, but pretending to be an extrovert overwhelms me.

The balance of knowing I’m an ambivert has helped me immensely. Ping-ponging is gruelling.

Understanding your place as an ambivert is powerful because you can lean into your strengths. Strengths include having friends across the ‘vert’ spectrum, thriving in both individual and group projects, and being able to be both a good communicator and listener. Of course, none of these are exclusive to the ambi-club, but they’re skills to leverage to make life work for you.

Ambiversion is also something that can be nurtured when you recognize it. Building and maintaining healthy boundaries is critical, as is self-compassion. Most importantly, understanding how your ambi battery charges is vital.

So, where ma’ ambi’s at?